Reasons to Live | ✔

Chapter 47-

I broke eye contact, glancing onto the floor.

What can I say to him?

Oh hey, I was able to put the two rapists that raped me over the summer to jail but turns out that, coincidentally, they were business problem in some illegal shit with Erik? And Erik is suspicious of our relationship and about us dating and that I am your weakness? He'll attack you if we continue and I don't want you to be hurt because of me? I'm still somewhat suicidal and that I love you enough that I am willing to sacrifice my life so you can live your own life since I have nothing to really live for anyways?

My eyes bulged a bit when I realized what I just said in my mind.

I love him.

I love Calvin Young.

And I still couldn't make myself say it.

"Just what, Reina?" Calvin asked as he tilted his head to look at me.

I was about to lose it. 

I was about to lose it and spill everything to him if I didn't think of something fast as an excuse.

Anything.

Lie.

Lie.

"I can't do this anymore," I said, my voice no louder than a small whisper.

I felt my throat feeling tight and rough and my eyes prickling but I refused to give in to it.

No.

I had to do this.

Erik is not going to harm him or anyone else I love.

No.

My heart beated loudly, almost in a ringing annoying way in my ears. I felt like my head was spinning. I tried to quickly run away from him but I knew he was faster than me. He then gained up to me in no effort and grabbed for my wrist.

"Reina...what is-"

"I think we should break up," I finally said, cutting him off.

Calvin looked at me and my heart almost broke in the exact moment. I wanted to just hug him and tell him I didn't mean too and that I really love him but I know I couldn't.

I was doing it for him.

His grip on me didn't loosen even for a bit as I struggled against him.

"Let go," I demanded as I fought against his grip.

"What on Earth is going on with you, Reina? Did I do something wrong? I can't ever decipher what's going on in you-just tell me, damn it. You can't just break up thinking it's okay and leave me in the dark!"

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself as I shook my head.

Hurt him.

Lie to him.

"You know, that's exactly what Paul said. It's funny that you thought we had something more. You were a rebound."

I refused to look at him, not wanting to see his broken expression.

His grip slightly loosened.

Lie.

Lie.

Lie.

"I only decided to cling onto you because you understood my problem. I mean come on, you were trying to kill yourself. I just thought you can help me heal because you're fucked up as well. But how would that work out in the long run through? It'd be a really messed up relationship that wouldn't survive and we'll both be misery at the very end," I said before trying to walk away but he wouldn't let me go.