How to Lose your Best Friend

♧LXXIX♧

PJ

The girl with the stunning gold dress, dark curled hair, and stunning red lipstick was a dime. She's a straight ten and I was lucky enough to call her mine.

Prom started off boring and nothing much was happening. I got Eagle a few drinks hoping to soothe her anxious mood. It was almost as if she couldn't wait to go home. We danced for a while not doing much and I tried to get her into the mood by taking her out into the hall to kiss her a little before returning to hear the prom court announce king and queen.

The night was going by way too quick and yet nothing was happening. Eagle and I had gotten nowhere in the hall and she wasn't into it at all. As Antonio's name was called people began to question who he wanted his queen to be. A few girls blushed at him as the court questioned who his date was. He had surprisingly come alone which caused that much more attention. The obnoxious questioning and curiosity of everyone in the room weren't much of a bother to me since no one would ever guess that I was the one he really spent the night with. But that didn't stop the crowd from assuming that he was with Eagle.

I decided to refill Eagle's drink in hopes to lessen the tension between us when I ran into Blair. I haven't talked to him in a while so maybe it would be nice to talk to him. I wonder how he's been.

He greeted me with a strange topic. He asked me why I was so serious about Eagle and wanted to know why I thought of marrying her. I guess it was a bit odd to think about something as serious as my future with her when we were just high schoolers but the only thing that comes to my mind when I think about my future is her. I never wanted us to end and being by her side was where I wanted to spend the rest of my days.

I filled up a drink for her before returning to our table. She still looked upset and I think I was about to find out why.

"That's why you've been so distant from PJ," claimed the mouths of people who I'd never talked to a day in my life. How could people with no idea of his life or mine just assume things like that from just a mere friendship distance?

I didn't think much of the situation and the commotion eventually died down. The night was coming to an end and what everyone had made so much hype out of faded into nothing. That was until Eagle turned to face me for the first time out of the whole night. She looked beautiful and I couldn't stop staring into the deep pools that were her eyes. I thought of leaning in to kiss her but she seemed like there was something that she wanted to say.

"So that's what happened the night my parents grounded me," she stated so clearly that she knew exactly what point she was making. She sounded so sure of herself yet I had no idea what she was talking about.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Peyton. That's your first name. When you didn't' show up to class Antonio threw a fit because you weren't there."

"And? Antonio's my best friend. It's only normal for him to worry about me,"I responded a bit confused. What did Antonio flipping out in class have to do with me?

"Him worrying about you isn't the problem. The problem is that he loves you and you're too blind to see that. All he thinks about is you and you throw him to the side as if everything he's done for you was nothing. And when he was weak and on the ground, he needed you to bring him back into the light not for you to shove your dick up his ass and pretend it didn't happen," she said raising her voice.

"How the hell did you get that from Antonio being worried about me in class?" I asked highly confused. How could she find out so easily what had happened on that night? Was it really that obvious?

"Does it matter how I know? You're not that hard to read and you're both complete wrecks. Additionally, you've left so many hickies on me I can recognize the ones you left all over him." Antonio showed her the hickies I gave him?

"If you're mad that I cheated on you I'm sorry. I know it was wrong and I should've thought about what I was doing. But, Antonio's my best friend. He's a guy and it meant nothing to me. You're the one I love and I want to be with you not him," I exclaimed hoping that she'll forgive me. I hated seeing Eagle upset and I had no idea that something as stupid as a one night fling would upset her. It was honestly one careless mistake. How could she get so bent over it?

"I'm not mad that you cheated on me. I'm mad that you never told me. You tried to hide your mistake and lie to my parents telling them that I was failing school. That I could forgive, but you never owned up to it. What I can't forgive is the fact that while you were busy getting all hot and heavy with Antonio I was in my room scared and frightened while Blair was forcing himself on me!" she blurted. Holy shit, I didn't realize how bad the situation was. I was too worried covering my tracks with what had happened with Antonio I didn't even stop to think that something could've happened to her as well.

"Blair assaulted you? I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"You never asked. You didn't care about what happened to me because you were too busy hiding the fact you cheated on me," she claimed. I didn't want to argue with her. I hated being blamed but I knew that the whole situation was my fault. I wanted to choke Blair and make him pay forever hurting Eagle. I wanted to hurt myself for letting it happen and letting Eagle get hurt even more by not being there for her when she needed me. I wanted to tell her a lot of things along the lines of how sorry I was but nothing left my mouth. I searched for the right words to say in this situation but nothing good came to my mind. So I did the only thing that I knew how to do in this situation. Mess it up.

"Eagle. I never meant for any of this to happen. Going down on Antonio was a mistake and if you want you and I can have sex too to make up for it,"I suggested. Maybe making love to her could prove how much I truly loved her.

"PJ. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Is sex the only thing you ever think about? I thought that you changed since last year but I guess I was wrong. That one's on me but you still continue to ignore all your mistakes. When you screw up you're supposed to learn from what has happened but you're too blind to even mend your problems. I thought that I could forgive you but now it's clear to me that you're the same person I left before and I should've never taken you back."

I should've said something back to her. I should've tried to explain myself more and admit that I was a total idiot. Instead, I ran. I refused to confront the issues right in front of me.

I've never been good at confronting my issues. My history with my parents proved that one for sure. Whenever they'd hit me I'd never stand up for myself. I'd just let it happen and then run away when I thought that they'd do it again. I never thought that running away back then would affect me now. Maybe if I stood up for myself back then and confronted my problems I wouldn't be running away now. Maybe I would've grown a thicker skin and learned to understand my mistakes and problems.

I was a runner and I always will be one who runs away from reality. I wanted to forget everything that had happened. How I didn't bother to protest against Eagle or beg for her to stay. I let her leave me, just as she had before and I did nothing at all to stop her. She was my world and without her everything was dark. She was the light of my life and when everything around me was dark she shone through all the sadness.

I needed her to be next to me. Instead, I held a bottle of vodka in my hand with some cheap wine and unsatisfying liquors close by. I felt myself drunk texting Eagle I love you over and over again until I couldn't move my fingers anymore. Everything around me soon became black and Eagle wasn't there to be the light. My world became dark and all my fears consumed me. I guess there's nowhere to run when you can't even see where you're going.