How to Lose your Best Friend

♧XVI♧

PJ

I woke up to the aroma of maple syrup and black tea. That was almost an instant giveaway that I wasn't at home. I rubbed the sand out of eyes to find myself in Antonio's bed wearing the clothes I had from yesterday. I must've crashed there for the night and his parents were nice enough to let me yet again.

I let myself stumble into the kitchen to find a perfectly prepared breakfast at my usual spot. I sat down quickly to have the butter and waffle toppings passed right to me. Antonio's parents bombarded me with friendly questions while Antonio barely said one word. I couldn't tell if he was mad that I got drunk again or happy that I was still alive.

The conversation was going fine and everything seemed normal until they started asking me about college. I'd never even bothered to think about it since everyone doubted I'd get there. When someone tells you that you're a total failure enough times, you start to believe them.

"Why bother thinking about a future when no one thinks I'll even make it out of high school," I replied being brutally honest. Antonio's family was sweet but they needed to realize that I wasn't the average kid. I didn't have a happy home life. My parents didn't come home from work to ask me how my day was while sitting around to a family dinner. When my parents came home all hell would break loose. If I was lucky they'd hit me once and be over with it but I'd rarely get that lucky. When you live with that every day it's hard to think of life being any different. It starts to become a routine that you begin to follow. Go home, attempt to study for the classes you're failing, hear the sound of your drunk parents breaking down your door, and let them hit you.

"Of course you'd think that way when you're chugging 3 packs of beers a night. You'll never go anywhere in life if you keep drinking the way you do. But I do believe that if you put the beer bottles down for just a moment that you could really accomplish something. Drinking won't get you anywhere unless you're searching for your own grave. We all care about you too much to let that happen and I think that you need to really consider that," was what Antonio's dad told me.

I've never had anyone tell me that I could do anything more in life than exist. The sound of someone believing in you shouldn't be something new to your ears. It should be something you hear on a regular basis that keeps you going throughout the day. It's hard to believe that I could ever accomplish anything after failure seemed to be imprinted on my forehead. But after listening to Antonio's parents a bit of hope started to seep out of me.