snippets - fillie / mileven

perpendicular - fillie

*not au
*purely fictional
*dont read if you only want stuff "they actually end up together"

i remember tapping my foot anxiously on the white tiles of the airport. my mom was seated right beside me, her eyes fixed on her phone. if i wasnt just that nervous that time, i would have asked her who she was texting. probably my dad or my manager or God knows who.

i remember my mom telling me, "finn, you'll be okay. youre talented regardless you get the role or if you dont." she gave me a reassuring smile, her eyes gentle and soft. like chocolate. now i know who won during the "who finn looks like more" debate between my parents - if the topic was my eyes - my mom wins fair and square.

i remember first seeing a weird sight of a girl, it was intriguing. i would have thought her as a guy if it wasnt for the pink skirt and the platform mary janes, lavender in color. my mom told me her name. millie. the girl who starred as i didnt know who yet. what made her intriguing was he hair. shaved. buzz cut. i didnt know any girls with a buzzcut other than my aunt sherry who had cancer. she was bald before, cause of chemo, but her hair started to grow. she's got something similar to a buzzcut. but this girl.. she didnt have cancer. she looked vibrant. so full of life. so beautiful. like she was radiating.

i remember the most awkward set up; the directors of the show i was auditioning for (the phenomenon that is stranger things, ended shooting the fifth season only last month), the guy who was auditioning same role as mine, and the girl with the buzzcut. the directors - twins, duffer brothers matt and ross - specifically asked if the parents could sit as a separate table so that the awkwardness would hopefully lessen but it didnt.

i sat next to ross. he explained the whole thing, why we were here. he explained mike and elevens roles, which made me understand why the pretty girl had that hair. but when they said that if millie could give judgment on who to choose for as the role of mike, i almost choked on the cherry pastry in my hand. i was terrified. i never won at things like this. i was always the one who lost, the guy who didnt get things his way.

millies ears reddened when the duffers said that she would be part of the criterion based on who would be picked for mike wheeler. she lowered her eyes and nodded curtly.

half of the day she'd spend with the other guy and the last half she'd spend with me. it does seem like a lot of pressure for her, she's a ten year old girl, but the directors want to check who she has more on screen chemistry with. i knew it was a goner for me. i was just finn.

but ends up, she chose me. for what reason, i'll never know. but i'll always remember laughing with her over chocolate mint ice cream. i dont really remember. i was 11. practically clueless. all that branded in my mind was she was pretty and she smelled nice.

i remember my mom squealing and pulling me into a hug, saying that i fot the role. there would be a meeting of the cast the following day, just so that everyone could meet each other, know who's who. i only knew millie. and we werent that close to begin with, which made me nervous. but dear God, when i walked in, she lit up. remember that radiance i was talking about? it brightened. and she walked over. and she made me less nervous.

i remember filming the sixth episode of the first season. we had a scene in the bus, and mike and eleven are practically attached at the hip in this one. it isnt really expounded in the scene released, but we were so close. i could smell her fragrance again. and that was when i figured about this tiny crush on millie bobby brown.

millie didnt like me back. it was obvious. maybe she'd taken a hint of it. i always tried to sit beside her. and when i showed this tiniest tinge of excitement for the kiss - she took it as something else.

she always said that the cast was brother and sister.

she just didnt want me.

and for a time, it really sucked. because that little crush turned into something else. 13 year old finn loved her. admired her more than anything. the passion she put in her craft, the love she radiated around. but she spared me. she radiated through me. she passed me by.

i was 14 when i told myself to pick myself up and move on. it was stupid. i thought it was. it was just a hormonal activity every adolescent went through. a phase. and life was so much more than gawking over millie not liking me back.

and when i finally did, gaten told me something. he overheard sadie and millie talking during one convention. millie liked me.

ironic. the girl that pushed me away, made me feel like COMPLETE shit, now's in the same position as i am.

at first i questioned gaten, maybe he was making things up. but he wasnt. it was true.

how did i know?

because how can someone fake that shine in her eye? how can someone fake the crimson blush on their cheeks, or the sudden desire to just be close to someone? because i was exactly like that. but she pushed me away. she decided i wasnt enough. because fuck those cliches about the girl or the guy being completely oblivious to the fact of someone liking them. in real life - its almost tangible. you can almost touch it.

"im sorry, millie, but i dont feel the same way anymore," i remember telling her. and with genuine feelings and a whole heart i told her that. i didnt want her to feel what i felt before when she shooed me away. i was going to let her come off easy, unlike how she did to me. even if she didnt deserve it.

my chest was tightening all over when she cried, sobbing, saying it was okay. later off, i heard she then started dating another guy. good for her.

thing is, im here, 18. life is good. career is going upward, thankfully. a happy relationship at my side. and yet, sometimes.. i just think of the things that could have happened. if i just didnt stop liking her. if she just liked me earlier.

my fifth grade teacher told me that perpendicular lines are lines that meet at one point but never go each others way ever twice. it only happens once. she told me that in a way, it was similar to life. she made a connection to it with geometry. everyone has one perpendicular in their life. in other terms, the one that got away. the one that could have been. the one that could have worked out.

but it didnt. and millie.. she's my perpendicular.

*purely fictional
*purely
*fucking
*fictional

-delia