snippets - fillie / mileven

dear millie - fillie

by delia

december 4, 2017.

dear millie,
it's getting late here in vancouver. i know its still early there in los angeles, because i have it set on my world clock so that i know when i can message you. pretty creepy? i hope not. i feel sleepy and my handwritings all sloppy but i want to write this before i go to bed.

i want to say thank you for that day on set when you stood up for me during the set visit for some fans. thank you for understanding. you read me so well. i hope i can repay at least something to you. maybe ill send some chocolates over. no, never mind. you dont like chocolates. i remember the time romeo beckham sent you some and you threw them in the trash.

i hope you're doing okay there. i dont think im sending this over, not now most especially. this seems so.. i dont know. kind of, stupid. who writes letters nowadays, honestly right?

good night. my eyelids are falling and i think im going to collapse now.

finn

december 10, 2017.

dear millie,
i had a bad day today. i was at san diego for a convention with the it cast. of course, i had lots of fun reuniting with them, its been so long.

i sat next to jaeden and jack, right there in the middle. millie, a fan went up to us and it was so sweet because she told us all about how she loved the movie and everything.

until more fans came and suddenly all i could hear were the chatter of voices echoing in my ears, like a megaphone. it was so loud.

i excused myself, i wanted to go to the bathroom but a group of fans blocked me on the way there. i started getting dizzy and my feet teetered around and i almost fell.

i was screaming, the voices became too loud. i could feel sweat on my neck. i just wanted to go to the bathroom, millie.

it reminded me of that one similar situation when we went to comic con and i had a bad anxiety attack. do you remember that? you were wearing a red dress i think. i wanted to go home, but i couldnt of course. it would be unfair to everyone who came.

i wanted some time alone for a moment, or at least some air, i didnt get that. fans blocked everywhere and they were screaming and i felt my heart pounding in my chest, i think i was going to die (i dont even know) but you were there. you held my hand gently and squeezed it. you didnt even ask, you knew. you rubbed my back and told me it was gonna be okay. and it did.

but you werent there millie. and it was so hard without you.

finn

december 23, 2017.

dear millie,
thank you. thank you so much. i cant believe it. you flew all the way here. i cant believe it. millie bobby brown, i cant believe it.

when mom said she had a surprise, she didnt say it was the best. it was the best millie. spending the day with you has been awesome. you're sleeping right now, on my bed. its cold. christmas, definitely. but the floor works exactly fine. it seems warm even. how is that possible?

your short hair is touching your cheeks, should i part it back? hold on.

i did it. millie, you're so beautiful.

god, sorry that was cringey. you're pretty. everyone knows that.

youre staying for christmas, which means i get a whole weekend with you to myself. just the two of us. im gonna show you all around vancouver, it's gonna be epic. i have it all planned out.

thank you millie. i appreciate it. good night.

finn

december 28 2017.

dear millie
im trying to understand you have priorities too. but i feel so sad. watching you leave felt so.. devastating. it feels so empty.

i feel so empty.

i hope you have a safe flight. i must have told you that 20 times but i do hope you have one.

when will i see you again? filming doesnt have a date yet, and we dont have any pending conventions or interviews so far. theres this longing in my system, i cant understand.

whats happening to me?

i dont know, but i hope you're all right there. i want to text you, but everytime i tap your contact, i get all nervous and i cant type a single letter.

i have to go now. see you soon.

finn

january 8 2018.

dear millie,
why? why did you back out?

millie, you said you missed me too. why did you reject it? your manager said you were available. how come you didnt accept it?

do you hate me??

god i feel horrible. it was just one magazine cover millie. just one.

guess im gonna do it alone. thanks.

finn

january 20 2018.

dear millie,
is it true? is it true you're dating that dirtbag?

i guess i dont have a right to be mad at all. anyway we arent.. we arent anything anyway. just friends.

i hope you last long with him.

finn

february 14 2018.

dear millie
he doesnt deserve you. i told you, dirtbag. asshole. god, i want to beat him up.

stop crying. im so close to booking a flight to la. i swear, millie bobby brown, i will go there.

he doesnt deserve you.

you deserve warm hugs, and chaste kisses, and a guy who will treat you good.

i wish i could qualify. but i know youll never see me that.. way.

it hurts, but i guess its alright.

as long as you are happy, i guess i will be too. :-)

finn

march 8 2018.

dear millie
i like you too.

finn

-

this doesnt make sense im sorry lOl :-'-)