The White Wolf #Wattys2020

Chapter 20

I swallowed hard. How could I admit that I was craving him despite the fact that I was terrified he would drain me? If I spoke those words, I could never take them back and it would create even more tension between us, especially since I hadn't revoked my rejection yet. There was already enough sexual tension as it was, no need to add any more.

When I didn't say anything, he sighed. "Is it because you're scared?"

Oh, he was good. It annoyed me how easily he could see right through me now. I was terrified if I let him, he'd turn around and make me his personal energy drink. To my dismay, I answered without thinking. "Yes."

His second hand came up and he cupped my face softly, his thumbs making circular motions on my cheeks. It was oddly calming to be held by his large hands, encasing me in warmth.

"Like I said before, I promise I will do whatever it takes to make you mine. And believe me when I say I will do anything."

The intensity in his voice and eyes made me shudder slightly, my body tingling. It scared me how safe but also how unstable he could make me feel. Would he really treat me right?

Our proximity was threatening to make me hyperventilate. I reluctantly stepped out oh his warm hands and crossed my arms in front of me, as though protecting myself. I saw hurt flash through Kai's eyes, but it was quickly replaced with understanding.

We stood in silence for a while before he spoke up. "How is Mellie?"

He sat down on the mat, leaning against the wall. I hesitated before taking a seat next to him, leaving a little space between us. I knew if I felt his skin on mine again I would lose all restraint. "She's holding up. Her grief is provoking her wolf to become more dominant at some times and she sometimes begin to come out randomly, but I'm teaching her how to control her need to shift. It'll take a while before she properly forms a Bond with her wolf, especially since they bonded much earlier than they should have, but I'm sure she'll be fine."

"You speak as though you have experience," Kai said quietly.

I should have known he would realise it. It wasn't something I liked talking about. I swallowed the lump in my throat, not making eye contact with him. "Amaranth came to me the night I lost my pack. I didn't have anyone to help me through the process, but I was lucky that I instantly became in sync with my wolf."

I finally looked up at him and saw his confusion. I realised he didn't know my story and I was guessing Roland hadn't told him what I had told him on our journey to the Black River Pack. I sighed and played with my fingers, looking at the ground again. "I was originally from the Northern Mountain Pack. I'm sure you heard the stories about the... massacre."

He nodded in understanding, but I knew he didn't really fully know. No one knew the true story behind their deaths. Everyone heard they all been killed off, but how one of the strongest packs was eradicated by a pack of rogues was still a mystery. All the speculations talked about the rogues having some kind of powers, being stronger than any ordinary Werewolf, but that was a lie.

"I was the only survivor," I muttered, my head suddenly feeling heavy, as the memories came back to me. "Seeing my pack...massacred triggered the awakening of my Bond with Amaranth. My mother had hidden me in a cupboard while we were being attacked. I watched her die through the slits."

Kai's hand covered mine and he held it tightly. "You don't have to continue if you don't want to."

But I had to. I had to get it out. "Watching my mother die triggered the awakening. When I wanted to go out and help my pack, I couldn't move. I was paralysed as I began bonding with Amaranth. I listened for hours, hearing them die and I couldn't do anything."

My eyes stung, remembering my mother screaming as two rogues dragged her to the floor, tearing into her flesh. They left her to bleed out for a while before ripping out her throat. I remember my little ten-year-old self, wanting to scream for them to stop, but I couldn't utter a sound, my body not working.

"Why did the rogues attack your pack? Was it for revenge?" he asked softly. I knew he was treading carefully, scared he'd offend me if he pried too much.

"For greed. One of the rogues had been a Seer and apparently she had seen a white wolf in our pack. The rogues send a small party to our pack to investigate and they questioned my father if the visions were true. He was the Alpha. Of course, we didn't know I was the white wolf at the time, so we denied. Apparently they didn't believe us.

"They poisoned our water supply. The whole pack collected their water from one large well and no one realised it had been spiked with wolfsbane. By the time we realised what was going on barely anyone could shift, and that was when the rogues attacked. They killed everyone and even those who could shift didn't stand a chance. My guess is they believed the myth that killing a white wolf granted immortality and since they didn't know who it was, they just killed everyone."

A tear slid down my cheek as I let out a humourless laugh. "Funny, isn't it? They kill over four hundred wolves, but fail to kill the one they really wanted dead."

An arm snaked around my waist and pulled me against Kai's body. His arms encircled me, enveloping me tightly. "I'm sorry for your loss, Laura. No one should have to go through such horrors."

His comforting words seemed to break a dam in me. Tears leaked from my eyes, staining my lap, and I began to shake. I'd never told anyone the full story and I couldn't believe I told Kai. I hardly knew him and I blamed the Mate Bond for making me reveal my past with such little hesitation. I was scolding myself silently, but I wasn't regretting it as much as I thought.

Maybe Roland was right about me having to open out. For the first time since that night, I was finally able to properly mourn for my original family. I could grieve the loss of the warriors, my friends, my parents.

Amaranth grieved with me. Although she never met our original pack, she mourned the loss of her possible family, a family she would never know or exchange love with. I hugged myself to comfort the wolf inside of me.

I don't know how long we sat there, but as the sun began to illuminate the training centre, I peeled myself away from Kai.

"I'm sorry," I croaked gently. "I didn't mean to keep you up the whole night."

He swiftly pulled me to him again. "I couldn't sleep anyway. Besides, I wouldn't want you to hurt on your own without offering you comfort. Your pain is my pain, Laura, even if we aren't Mated. I will always feel you."

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to my exposed shoulder. My body jolted at his endearing gesture and a whimper erupted from the back of my throat. His bare skin on mine made my blood sing and I felt my heartbeat pick up, thundering in my chest.

"Please," I whined.

His hands never left me as I turned to fully face him. His palms gripped my knees as I sat in front of him with crossed legs. He used his thumbs to wipe away the reminiscence of my tears. "Please, promise me you won't hurt me."

He answered without hesitation. "I promise on my life and the Moon Goddess I will never hurt you intentionally."

I pursed my lips, looking down at his caressing hands. I reluctantly took his right hand in mine and slowly brought it up to my lips. I pressed them to his open palm, lingering. Pulling away, I looked him in his eyes and I knew I was making the right decision.

"I, Laura Coltraine, Kin of the Northern Mountain Pack and Warrior of the Blue Moon Pack, revoke my rejection."