Fresh Start

•29•

-Hours after last events of last chapter-

-trigger warning-

I lied next to Jonah on a hotel bed, still crying softly. He had his arms wrapped around me and was humming. The thought of sleep passed over me a couple times but my mind was still racing.

Jonah's warm hands rubbing my arms.

He was honestly so sweet.

I've always been close to him, he's always been there for me since day one. Been my best friend since the first time I met all the guys.

I winced when he touched my arms. I had a long sleeve shirt on but I've been super protective of my arms ever since I cut a couple days ago due to the unknown texts.

And now fresh ones after tonight.

Jonah moved his hand quickly afraid that he hurt me. I moved my arm away from him, scared.

"Kate..." He said

"What." I mustered through tears.

Was their any point in trying to play it off.

"Let me see your arm." He said his face completely changing from soft

to worried

to upset, and almost mad.

"No." I cried

"Kate give me your arm." He said sitting up off the bed getting mad.

"Jonah I'm sorry" I cried even louder.

He reached for my arms. I tried pulling away but he was too fast. He took my hands and pulled up my sleeve. He took the bandages off.

What I saw made me cry even harder. I looked up at him and watched a tear roll down his cheek.

"Kate what have you done." Anger still not leaving his eyes.

"Don't pity me Jonah, I've had enough of that. This is how I cope with all the shit in my life." I said through tears

"YEAH AND HOWS THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU HUH? IS HURTING YOURSELF MAKING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS JUST DISAPPEAR? I DON'T THINK SO." He said still holding my arm his grip tightening.

"NO ITS NOT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS FUCKED.

BUT THIS IS WHAT I DESERVE FOR BEING WORTHLESS.NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE.

FUCK HIM FOR THAT MATTER HES THE REASON FOR THE NEW ONES.

ALL THESE CUTS ARE BECAUSE I DONT MATTER AND THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO WANT."

I was bawling at this point. Fresh tears coming down my face right over the dried ones

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. NO WAY IN HELL DO YOU DESERVE THIS. I SWEAR TO GOD YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME! I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU." He screamed back.

The yelling was making me dizzy.

I can't handle this.

You should have told me I could have helped you

That's what he told me when I told him about the texts. But then he did what he did and none of it matters. I tried to pull my arm away but I couldn't free myself from his grip.

"Jonah stop you're scaring me" I cried. He realized how tightly he was gripping me hands and let go.

And for the first time ever I watch Jonah break down in tears. Why was he crying? Because I cut myself? Why does that matter to him? I don't concern him, I shouldn't matter to anyone.