Let Me Help // Kim Seungmin

4.

"Tired of feelin' like I'm trapped in my damn mind
Tired of feelin' like I'm wrapped in a damn lie
Tired of feelin' like my life is a damn game
I really wanna die in the night time"- XXXTENTACION
( all love to X and the music he left behind )

Third Person Point Of View.

Seungmin had been uneasy ever since he found out about Kyungah. Miryeo told him many times to just calm down but the horrible feeling that something wasn't right wouldn't go away.

From that post, it looked like Jess didn't get bullied at all but if Kyungah got expelled for bullying, then it just had to be bad.

Of course, it wasn't a place for Seungmin to magically step in and ask for all the details, he had known Jess for a day. A one single day.

......
A/N This chapter will be focusing on Jess and her past, so this might get a bit long and confusing but don't freak out! I promise it will make sense in the end.
.......

Jess Point Of View.

The week had been hectic, my mom was pushing me to go have another therapy session with Mr.Pinterson but I just didn't want to go. Yes, I know.. it's all about my mental wellbeing but I don't see a point in meeting him every single week.

Yet here I was walking in the same hospital ward again and looking for the door with '202' written on it. I hate the hallways so much, the people sitting there look so tired and weak when I look at one of them I feel cold and lonely. If I was feeling like that just because of a look... I can't imagine what the person is feeling or if they are feeling anything at all.

And so there it was. Room '202'. I knocked slowly until I heard Mr.Pinterson allow me to come in.

I walked in, the place felt more comfortable than before, it felt like the place had some magical spell blasted on it. The walls seemed warmer and inviting than before. Even the old couch felt more comfortable and I felt like a tight safety blanket had been thrown on top of me.

Mr.Pinterson looked at me and smiled, " Welcome back! I really didn't expect you of all people to return back here.".

" Believe me, I can't believe it either. " I sighed.

The man sat down next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder, it was a friendly gesture that meant ' you are always welcome to come back. '.

" Could you fill me in on the emotions you feel every day? " my therapist asked.

I looked at him hesitantly but nodded anyway and started to explain, " I feel fine most of the time. I also feel fine when I talk to my best friends Mike and David but whenever a stranger tries to talk to me.. I... I suddenly lose all the color around me and everything becomes black and white. "

I was stuttering and I hated it. I stopped talking for a while but I soon took a deep breath and continued, " Seven months ago.. a person named Kyungah got expelled from my school for bullying me. I hate her, I truly do. She pretended to become my friend and used me in so many ways, I was always the one she could push around and.. I was someone she made fun of every day. ".

Mr.Pinterson looked at me, his eyes looked worried. Their gaze felt suddenly protective, " What did she do? "

He was rubbing circles on my back to try to calm me down, I was a crying mess at this point. I had never shared this with anyone and I don't know why I suddenly decided to tell some weird therapist about it.

I tried to hold back my tears, " She made me feel my highest just so she could push me off. She usually made me feel like I was safe with her. That side of her made me fall for her, every time I saw her my heart would feel at ease. I didn't love her like that but I loved her in a way a person would live their home as it always makes you feel comfortable.. but she had problems, she dragged me down with her everytime, I had been blinded by the feeling of comfort that I chose to ignore the pain she was giving me."

" What would she do?" He asked.

" She would always bring me down. She yelled, punched me. She would even mess with my mind, I wasn't able to make decisions without asking her about her opinion first." I chocked while saying the last part, tears were streaming down my face, I couldn't control them at all. It was as if they had a mind of their own.

I mustered all the strength I had and continued explaining, " I always have had amazing grades as my parents wouldn't be able to pay for my university without getting into debts, so when my principal told me about an amazing scholarship program the university of engineering was confident in giving me, I felt happy and I accepted right there at the spot. I thought that Kyungah would be proud of me as I always felt like I needed to get acceptance from her.... but she wasn't, that day I told her about it, she beat me up, she had never done it before that time. I felt weak, I felt all my organs hurt, not from the punches but from the fact I had disappointed her."

Mr.Pinterson had been quiet that whole time but when I stopped talking he asked me a question, " What was going thru your mind after you got home?"

The question was hard for me to answer, I hated myself dearly for the words my brain spoke that day. I always like to make myself believe that, it was just the anger talking but I know now that it was not.

I looked at my hands that were placed in my lap, they were creating fists that were making my nails dig into my palms, " I wished she would die. I wanted her to die so badly but even with that, I felt empty. I still needed that damn acceptance that I was so desperate for. "

Mr.Pinterson looked at me and sighed.

I looked at him, my eyes were blurry from all the tears that had been pouring out, " I'm a horrible person, right?"

He looked at me shocked, " No! Not at all! It's just that we have finally found the reason for your clinical sadness and that means we have the way to a cure as well.".

I couldn't look at him, " How are you so sure?".

" Honestly, I'm not. But it doesn't mean we can't try, right? " Mr.Pinterson asked as he was confronting me.

" What will I have to do?" I asked.

He walked over to his desk and sat down, " I'll write a list of things you need to do. Think of it as a bucket list, okay?"

I simply nodded.

A/N And that is a wrap of this chapter, I don't know what to do in all honesty. What kind of drama would be interesting to include? Aahh, it's honestly so annoying. But I promise to work hard to be able to deliver you a wonderful story, so you're able to enjoy it happily!