Sincerely, Millie

Chapter 4 - Home Is Where The Heart Is... Right?

3:00pm came and went by fast, now, we're sitting in Trippe's '67 chevy impala and yes, he did get the idea of this car from Supernatural but do not tell him i said that, he'll skin me alive if people found out he watched that TV show. It's kinda ironic though, this car is his baby just like the car is to Dean in Supernatural, i must admit though, it is a spectacular car. We probably would have taken my car, except Trippe doesnt trust me to not up and leave in the middle of the night. No joke, he actually said that.

My phones dead, luckily i had the chance to phone my dad to tell him we were currently driving up, he took no shame is the excitment he portrayed throughout our conversation and told me to 'hurry up and get your asses here'. I missed out the part about finding out that Jerry has been cheating on me because right now, the last thing i need is more people telling me that they told me so, you seriously have no idea how annoying that is.

We have about half an hour before we reach our destination. Home, that word is one that sounds foreign when it leaves my mouth or escapes my mind, i haven't felt at home in years and most likley won't for the rest of my life. You know what they say, 'home is where the heart is', it's a shame my heart was stolen by a Cowboy who was reckless enough to take it with him when he left me and our town in the dust. No matter how much he hurt me or will hurt me, home will always be wherever he is and i'm okay with that... i think.

When Chris left, it hurt... no it killed me, if it wasnt for my family and of course Alex, i wouldn't be here right now. Chris' leaving broke me in more ways than one, so when i found out i was pregnant, well, it kinda felt like i had a purpose again even though, i didn't think i was capable of raising a little baby on my own. It took me a few months to realise that i was, as a matter of fact, not alone. I had something a lot of people fight to acclaim, I had my family and that made me unstoppable. That doesn't mean I was fixed, I didn't go 'abracadabra' and everything was magically A-okay. No, to this day I am still fighting to fix myself, to stay afloat and this is a fight I am adamant to win. Not just for me but for my baby too. Chris may have broken me but Alex... Alex fixed me and ironically he's apart of the person that crushed me.

Stupidly, I dont hate Chris, I dont even think im capable of feeling anything but love for that man and that is why I'm so scared to see him, to feel my heart skip a beat, my breath to stagger that little bit because i know that he will never be mine again and that will make it seem all the more real. I don't think i could survive that, not again. He was my first love. My mother used to always tell me that a person will fall in love at least three times in their lifetime but I dont see myself loving anyone other than Chris and I hate that.

The car journey was bumpy due to the snow that started to hit about 30 miles back, making me all the more thankful for central heating and the fact that I packed my cosy bed socks. I'd lived in Boston for 18 years of my life and yet the weather never ceases to kill me, don't get me wrong, i love snow and, wierdly enough, rain but the freezing conditions of Boston was enough to put Jack Frost in his place. Right about now, I'd kill to be sitting in front of a fireplace with a steaming cup of hot cocoa with Alex, wrapped up in blankets watching The Flash. I guess we can't always get what we want.

Alex's voice breaks me from my train of thought, "Look, mommy, look" he shouts with excitement, unbuckling his seatbelt, jumping up and down "we're here, we're here, we're actually here!"

"Alex! sit back down and put your belt on, we haven't parked yet; you know the rules" I say strongly to the excited little boy sitting in the back. He's excited, I get it, but there is no way in hell I'm putting my child's safety in danger to let him jump around a freaking car. Driving up the driveway, I hear Trippe mutter something under his breathe with a sigh of relief, I didn't really catch what he said but it sounded something like 'I cant believe we actually made it'. Shrugging it off, I watch the front door to the overly large and familiar house open, showing signs of my nicely aged father and petite, 19-year-old sister - who, by the way, had the cheesiest grin on her face - standing in the door way.