Chapter 1 - I'm Sorry

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Dear Chris,
                      I don't hate you. I could never hate you, even when you do shit like this. You left, Axel's death really took a toll on you, you had to get away from the memories, I get it and to be honest I would definitely hate you if you stayed just to make me or anybody, that isn't you, happy. But there's something you should know, I tried to tell you 4 months ago, on August 12th to be exact, but you didn't want to talk; you made that blatantly obvious. I want you to know that I wouldn't have called if it wasn't important, you're trying to move on... so am I and I don't want to get in the way of that but I thought you should know. You deserve to know, no matter what hurtful words you say or thing you might do... you will always deserve to know.

Remember that first day of Freshman year when we were both awkwardly trying to fit in, we didn't really speak then but we knew who each other was, after all we did go through middle school together. It was easier for you to fit in, you were that charismatic, cute football player, except, you didn't just play football, you played girls too.Everyone warned me about that, you know? Trippe, Mia...hell, even Axel warned me. I miss him and I know its killing you to live all of these days without him.

You see, I was too infatuated by you to listen to them, even though I probably should have. I'm glad I didn't though, I loved you. I still do and at some point, I know you loved me too. I saw it in your eyes when you'd look at me when we were together. It hurt when you left but I understand why you did; I was broken, my mothers death broke me and that was too much for the rising football star to handle. that's okay though, I would hate for you to let me hold you back.

Anyways, back to that day. We were both trying to fit in, yeah? You probably don't remember this but on that first day, you helped me, some jock rammed into me on the way to 6th period and I fell, dropping all of my book... everywhere and by everywhere, I mean everywhere. Looking back on it now, I see how funny the situation was... clique even. You helped me pick up all of my books and gave me that star-dazzling smile that only you have. I didn't speak to you after that, or you I, not for a while anyways. The next time we spoke was Junior year, when my father invited your family over for lunch. Both our fathers worked in the same career franchise, that's how they met, they're still close to this day and I know that if my mom were here, she's be close to Caroline too.

Carol (she insisted I call her that) has helped me more than I could ever imagine, she helped me see light when you left. She always told me that she wanted a daughter, however, she also joked about God screwing with her by giving her 4 boys. I would always laugh when she said that, I thought she didn't realise how lucky she was, to have sons as incredible as you, Max, Olly and Wren. I mean, you guys are great, I hear Wren just finished Med school and damn is that impressive but then again, its not really a shock, he always was the brains of the family. but you... you were always the star, you loved the attention that came with football, you loved the thrill, the adrenaline rush, my dad jokes about you being an 'adrenaline junky', I try to laugh but it hurts... a lot.

fast forward to now, you transferred to UCLA, I guess good ol' UC didn't live up to your footballer standards, but that's okay. we're graduating in a few months. I want to wish you luck and since I cant do it in person, I thought I'd write a letter; at least then you would have a choice as to whether or not you want to read it or not. I don't know what caused you to up and leave like you did and I know I'm not the only person you left behind, your parents are hurting, they won't outright say it but I can see it in your moms eyes when you're brought up in a conversation or when someone touches the topic of you leaving and your dad? Well, he started drinking again, heavily, I try to help him as much as possible but there's only so much on gal can do, ya know?

There is a reason behind this letter, more than a simple good luck or catch up, I'm getting there, just bare with me, okay? It's hard to do this, to write it down because then it all becomes a whole lot more real. To be honest, I don't even think I've said the words out loud, I was throwing up a lot about 6 month ago, it wasn't even my idea to go to the hospital, it was Trippe's (he's good too btw) and I don't really know whether I'm happy with the idea of that day; it was over whelming to say the least but there was something else, a feeling I had never felt before (or that I could remember feeling).

I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to tell you but I feel if I did, you'd have stayed true to your promise, I should probably hate you for that but for some ungodly reason... I don't and I much to my brothers' dismay, you deserve to know...

I'm pregnant.

Sincerely, Millie

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This chapter is just a bit of background of the story, 4 years before the story is set.
So anyways, vote, comment and share!!! It will be much appreciated ❤️

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