Stuck In Between

Chapter 24

Nicole’s POV:

Sat up on one of the stools in front of the kitchen island, I sipped on my mildly warm cup of coffee before sighing heavily. This is the second night of perhaps many that I have been unable to get a good night’s sleep, when I am sleeping though I am having severe nightmares. All to which play a part in my regrettable doings with Fabio, they are eating me alive. If I was given the chance to go back in time to change all that has happened then I would, in a heartbeat. At the time the last thing on my mind were the repercussions of if we were to get caught. If those thoughts were to have flown though my mind at the time, then I know that I would not have gone through with it.

But there is nothing that I can do now. All that has happened is irreversible and even though I do regret is terribly, I can not take it all away. If Cristiano was to just give me the time of day then I would happily take the opportunity to explain how Fabio used his charm on me, using my vulnerability against me. That is not a very good excuse and I am aware of that, but it is all I have. I love Cristiano not Fabio and he needs to realise that. Texts after texts with him do not seem to be working either, it could be that he just needs space for a while or perhaps we are well and truly over. And if it is to be the latter, then I am worried for myself in how the hell I am supposed to cope.

“Nicole?” Mesut’s deep accented voice followed by his footsteps coming from down the stairs napped me away from my deep thoughts, forcing me to jump back into my sense of reality. But seeing as I was aware that he was about to step foot inside the kitchen I did not bother to utter a single word, instead I simply just took another sip of my coffee before placing it down on the side. “I take it you had another sleepless night, huh?” Nodding my head at the German as he looked at me on walking over to the coffee maker, I nodded my head with yet again another sigh escaping from my lips. “He’ll see sense and get hold of you soon Nicole, I know exactly how he works.”

Despite how supporting Mesut was trying to be with me through this rough patch in my life, I could not bring myself to believe a single word that was coming out of his mouth. And instead I just rolled my eyes at him, taking the very last mouthful of my coffee. “If he really thought that we could work through this and come out stronger then he would have called or even text me by now. Be he hasn’t, I’ve had nothing so he’s proved to me that we really are over.” Holding my head in my hands as I tried as hard as I possibly could to remain strong though all of this, but no matter how hard I tried it did not work for me as tears fell. “I’ve fucked everything up, it’s all my fault.” 

The second those words slipped off my tongue I heard the screeching from the stool beside me echo into my ears as I cringed, followed by the feeling of Mesut’s hand as it rested softly on my back. “Just hear me out Nicole.” Taking a deep breath, I took a glance up at him as I waited for him to go on. “What Cristiano saw with you and Fabio came as a shock to him, heck it came as a shock to me when you told me. But really you need to give him some time to himself; he needs to get his head around all that has happened. Otherwise if you keep bothering him with texts then I really can’t see anything working out. Put yourself in his shoes Nicole, imagine how you would feel.”

“I understand what you’re saying Mesut, but all I want is for him to give me the time of day to explain everything to him. But he can’t even give me that and it’s making me think that he doesn’t care anymore, that here’s nothing we can do to salvage this relationship.” Feeling myself getting more worked up as the tears began falling a lot more frequently; I took a moment’s pause before continuing. “We don’t even know where he is at the moment, so how do you expect me to not find these little urges to text him constantly? I really don’t know how much more of this I’m going to be able to take before I start to turn into more of an emotional wreck than I already am.”