Stuck In Between

Chapter 21

Cristiano’s POV:

Sat on the sofa with my head in my hands was the best position suited for how I felt right now. I was distraught… wait no; I don’t think there was any word pronounceable which can describe just how I felt at this moment. But the one thing I did know was that I was heartbroken. My heart had just been shattered into millions of tiny pieces by the only woman I have ever truly loved, Nicole.

Just to think, a couple of weeks ago from now everything was fine. Nicole and I had the perfect relationship. The sort of relationship people would only dream of having. And yes, I was living it. But then everything turned from bad to worse with the sight I had in front of me earlier on; Nicole and Fabio, her ex, in the shower to our home fucking against the wall. I can’t even begin to explain to you how this had made me feel. But one thing for sure, what she has done is unforgivable and I really cannot see myself forgiving her anytime soon for her actions. I’m disgusted in her.

I really do just want to wake up and for all of this to be nothing but a dream. But I know that this isn’t the case as reality has hit me with a hole in my heart and I know that this is really happening. And nothing I neither do nor say can take away the pain I’m feeling.

With Nicole not here, under the same roof as me, I feel as if a part of me has gone. She means the world to me yes, but I just cannot bring myself to living in the same house as somebody which would have the disrespect towards me to go and cheat while I’m stuck in hospital. With a load of wires connected to my body from the state I was in the moment I was brought in.

The fact that she sat there beside me, day in and day out looking me dead in the eye knowing deep down that she was doing wrong makes me feel physically sick. As I know full well that this wasn’t just a one off what happened earlier. I can tell by the look she gave me in the eye when I questioned her about it. She didn’t want to admit it and that really did break my heart.

I’m not saying that it would have made this any better if she was to have come out and admitted everything there and then. But I feel as if she was honest when she had the chance to be then somewhere inside of me I could have maybe found that eventually could forgive her for all of this and we could move on. But now, I don’t see any going forward with the two of us.

Nothing but broken trust and heartbreak is all there is every going to be between us now. As I know that I can not forgive her, nor will I have time to listen to what she has to say. Nicole’s blown it for the both of us and there is nothing neither of us can do to fix this big mess.

Letting a sigh escape from lips, I spread my hands across my face. Riding of the dampness from the tears which had fallen down my cheeks due to the true devastation I was feeling inside of me. I couldn’t help it; this just shows how much I honestly love Nicole. But now the only thing I have left of her is memories. And yes, the majority of them are good but still the slight remembrance of her and Fabio is going to stay permanently stuck in the back of my mind, day in and day out.

I knew what I had to do. I needed time away. Time to think things through and come to a conclusion in what I was going to do about this whole messed up situation. But not here in Madrid. There is no way I can stay here to do so. And that is why one place in particular sprung to mind; Portugal. I needed to go back home for a while and see my family. And more importantly, my mother. She will know exactly what to do in a moment like this and that is why I have to go. All for my own selfish reasons of having time away to think things through.

So with that thought almost permanently stuck in my mind, I slowly reached across the sofa in search of my phone. Which I threw in anger the moment I walked down those stairs. Scrolling through my contacts I came across my mothers’ number before pressing ring and putting it to my ear. Patiently waiting for her to pick up.