Senior Squad

36| "I've Missed You Too."

Lyle

"Are you alright, man?" Toby asked as we both cleared the weeds in the field.

"Of course." I chuckled and picked faster. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because your hand's trembling like crazy."

I didn't want to look to see if he was right. I really didn't. Unfortunately, my obedience got the best of me and my eyes peered down at my shaky hand. To fix that problem, I simply touched it with the other and smiled. "It's perfectly fine."

"Lyle, you know it's not."

I looked around to see if anyone was watching before coming closer and speaking to Toby in a hushed voice. "Of course it's not. I was just kept in a solitary cabin for five days."

"How'd it feel?"

"Awful." I confessed while trying my hardest not to break down or get choked up. I had to keep breathing before I could move forward. "Look, I survived. I survived all the torment and the teasing, everything they could throw my way. Somehow I managed to convince myself that my life mattered enough to live. Now this may have took some real convincing but I did it. I really wanted to live."

"Huh." Toby nodded while giving me this skeptical glare.

I simply stopped picking weeds and scoffed. "Did I say something funny?"

"No, it's just that... I don't believe you."

"Why? Is it because I'm not strong enough?"

"More like too strong."

"What?" I wrinkled my nose as Toby stepped closer.

"Listen man, I've known you for what? Three weeks now?"

"Two and a half."

"Close enough." Toby rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I know you ain't the type of guy that thinks he's Superman with this shit. Not unless you're so scared you'd do anything to make it seem like you're fine."

"Well I'm not suicidal."

"Today." Toby chuckled. "What about the other days?"

"What about them?"

"If it really is true what they say about the boys who go there, I'd assume you broke down too."

"Maybe," I said, quickly turning away and continuing to clear the field until I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Toby–"

"I was really worried about you."

"You shouldn't be."

"But I was." Toby tightened his grasp, prompting me to face him again. "Lyle, do you know how scary it was not knowing if you were gonna be okay?"

"Of course I do. I was there and I didn't know either."

"You didn't?"

"No!" My voice fell deep. My left hand hastily swiped his hand off my shoulder while I shook my head profusely. "I didn't know whether I'd live or I'd die. It wasn't that simple. It wasn't..."

My eyes stared off into the distance and the grey skies above. The words I wanted to say had dissolved as quickly as they materialized in my mind. I was left with nothing to say where eventually Toby decided to speak up.

"Lyle? You okay there? Lyle?"

Just as my mouth had opened up, I heard a whistle where I immediately told Toby. "We should go."

Toby kept his lips sealed, nodding his head in agreement before the two of us went down the dirty trail to meet with the others until Chad came by.