snippets - fillie / mileven

qualify

the seat next to him was vacant. it was where i used to sit.

the sound of my heels clacking with the tiles seemed inaudible among the loud chatter of students. they stopped laughing apruptly as i settled beside finn, straightening my skirt down.

"hi guys!" i said giddily, waving as i set my tray down. "i hope you dont mind if i sit here today," i continued, the nervousness slowly getting unconcealed from my voice. "i mean, just like the old times, huh?" i said with a smile.

i observed their reactions individually. caleb's brows were raised up in shock, and one of gatens was up in a questioning manner. sadie's eyes stared at me from head to toe. noah didnt even look at me. his gaze fell on the floor, his mouth twitching.

finn looked mad. he frowned, his lips closed.

"what?" sadie snarked. "you wanna sit with us?"

i nodded slowly, feeling a blanket of embarrassment cover me. "if its fine." i said, biting my lip.

gaten laughed in front of me, sarcasm evident. "thats a shock," he said, exhaling. "just like yesterday you said we werent.." he paused, exchanging a smirk with caleb. caleb opened his mouth to finish his sentence. "good enough. 'im sorry guys, but you just dont qualify'. like you were some.. doll that everyone wanted to get." he laughed.

my cheeks heated. "i--i"

noah inhaled, finally meeting my eyes. "just go away, millie," he said, his tone tired. "for your sake and ours, just go."

i looked at finn, expecting him to speak. he hasnt said a word.

he grabbed a potato fry and popped it in his mouth.

like nothing was happening around him.

"finn?" my voice sounded completely thin. his name rolled over my mouth so.. normally. like i said it everyday. i used to say it everyday.

he met my eyes and raised a brow. "i dont think miss barbie doll would want to sit with a bunch of people who dont qualify."

crack!

i heard my heart shatter in my chest. i stood up, my heels hitting the floor as i picked up my tray. i felt tears brim in my eyes, threatening to fall. i swallow uneasily.

"im sorry." i utter weakly. "i really am--"

"millie!" maddie's girly voice called. "what are you doing, associating with.." she threw a look of disgust towards sadie and the others.

"theyre my friends," i say quietly.

"were her friends," sadie corrected, her fingers tightening against calebs. "not anymore."

"come now," maddie's voice stood out amongst the noisiness.

i stood glued to the floor.

"millie?"

i inhaled. "mads--"

"we have talked about this, millie," maddie spoke while she looked at her manicured nails. "millions of times," she sighed. "you cant have one step forward with us and your other foot sticking with them." she said the word "them" as if she was talking about a dumpster.

caleb snickered. "yeah, her other foot is with a bunch of drama queens." sadie laughed outright.

"what did you say, mclaughlin?" maddie plastered a plastic smile. "im sure this slut of yours--" she pointed to sadie, "is a perfect example." her voice still sounded so fake and sweet.

caleb stood up, but sadie gently rubbed her fingers on his knee. "caleb, dont," she said quietly.

"maddie, stop--"

"oh shut up, millie!" she looked at me intensely.

"can you just fucking go, millie?" finns voice took me by surprise. he seemed to havent have a plan to speak at all. "before this grade A bitch speaks one more word against us."

the cafeteria quieted all of a sudden. finns words seemed to echo.

maddie stopped for a moment, taken into a halt. it took her a second to recover and find her voice.

she cleared her throat, the same fake sweetness still lingering around her every move. "decide, millie, now."

i sucked in a breath. "maddie--"

"millie just go!" noah yelled.

i dropped my lunch tray. the spaghetti stained all over my pink mini skirt and the apple juice seeped through my white blouse.

"oohh," the students around us wooed. warm tears rolled down my cheeks.

"too late," maddie deadpanned. "im sorry millie. you dont qualify anymore."

her hair sashayed behind her as she walked past away. the students around us turned their backs, returning back to their normal activities. show was over.

time seemed to pause as i stood there, feeling the different textures that disgusted me to my utter core. but it wasnt the reason why i was crying. the loneliness that soaked through beneath not just my clothes but everywhere else inside; it made me disgusted of myself.

i reeled towards the friends i have once turned my back on, my sobs getting louder. "guys," i spoke. "im sorry."

finn stood up, his hands holding my shoulders tight as he sat me down. he held my wrist, his eyes pouring into mine. "mills," it sounded beautiful to hear my nickname again. from his mouth, it was a symphony to my ears.

"mills, calm down, breathe," he said calmly. "breathe."

he looked at each of gaten, caleb, noah and sadie. i stole a glance at each of them, and the sympathy in their eyes made my heart ache more.

they're still willing. willing to accept me back, a person who not only questioned their worth but also betrayed them.

"im sorry," my voice was steadier now, more audible. "for everything."

"finn," gaten spoke. "you have extra overalls for gym, right?"

finn rose up, his hand still on my wrist. "yeah. millie," he called, his voice gentle. soft. "come on, i'll lend you some clothes."

i stood up, almost tripping on my heels. i groaned in pain.

he crouched, taking my heels off-- first the right then the left. bruises showed from my feet. he was taken aback, and so were the others.

"it was so hard," i blurted out. "to keep wearing that mask." that image of being the popular girl.

"its okay," sadie said, her blue eyes smiling. "everythings ok now."

"it doesnt excuse what you did, though," caleb added. finn threw him a look, but not a glare. i could see that finn himself couldnt deny it. i couldnt deny it. "i know, hershey," i couldnt help but smile at the nickname, and he couldnt either. "im truly sorry. what i did, is unforgivable. i understand if you guys dont want me--"

noah chuckled. "nonsense," he interrupted. "we werent simply mad, mills," he said. "just really really hurt," he sighed. "but it isnt unforgivable. to be honest, i think we were all just waiting for you to come back."

gaten nodded. "finn wasnt really the same after that you know, always so silent--" finn glared at gaten, making him stop.

i smiled.

"come on, mil, lets get you cleaned up." he stood up, his touch warm on my skin.

with them i didnt need to qualify. i simply fitted enough.

-

i wrote this at the grocery so definitely trashy lOl and hi to the bowers LOL i couldnt think of anything else so 😅