Brown Eyed Boy

The Letter (Jessie and Carlos POV)

Jessie POV

Jessie,

I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, but apparently part of my reform is apologizing to everyone I hurt. So naturally, your name was the first to come to mind. The problem is I have no idea what to say. But that's not the only problem; the other problem is I'm sure no matter what I say you won't forgive me. And I honestly couldn't blame you for that.

I've done a lot of crap that I can never really make up for and I can't deny that. I was horrible to you for reasons that were bad in themselves and when I think back on it, I hate myself even more. I'm an idiot who made a lot of wrong choices that I'll probably never forgive myself for which makes the odds of you forgiving me even slimmer than they were. I was a horrible boyfriend and an even worse friend and you might not believe me when I say this, but I really am happy that you and Carlos got together. You deserve to be happy and it’s clear he makes you that way.

Speaking of new guy, I need you to do me a favor. I know he hates me and will probably be pissed to find out I wrote this letter to you, but I want you to tell him I'm sorry anyway. I was only a jerk to him because I didn't think he deserved you. Actually, that's only partially right; it was more because I knew he did deserve you and I didn't. More of my jealous and selfish mind working stupidly. So tell him I'm sorry and that he should cherish every moment he has with you because they're going to be the best of his life. I know they were for me before everything with Dylan and my stupid choices.

I don't expect an answer to this letter, so don't feel like you have to. I just needed to do this and as far as letters go it's probably the worst. I didn't say half of what I wanted to and I feel even worse than I did before I wrote this. But you deserve an apology for everything and if that means I have to hate myself more, than I'll do it.

Forever Apologizing,             

Jared                          

There was a knock at my window and I jumped with surprise. Carlos looked in from outside and I put the letter on my desk, face down. I opened the window so he could climb in and then hurried to my door, closing and locking it. I heard the window close and turned to him. He smiled wide at first, but then it quickly disappeared and worry took over. “What's wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said quickly but it came out quieter than usual, giving me away.

“Jessie, what's wrong?” he asked again. I sighed, walking over to my desk, picking up the letter and holding it out to him. He looked at the paper in my hand and then back up as he walked forward to take it. “What's this?”

“A letter,” I answered just as quietly as before. “From Jared.” The instant he heard the name, anger flashed across his features, followed by irritation. For a second I regretted telling him about the letter, but then I realized it was better I had. My time left with him was limited and the last thing I wanted was a pile of secrets to form. He looked down at the letter and silently read it as I sat on the edge of my bed, unsure of what to do. When he was done reading, he sat down next to me.

“Well,” he said. “I have to admit that didn't say what I thought it would.”

“What did you think it would say?” I asked.

Carlos shrugged. “Definitely not anything about me deserving you,” he answered. He put the letter on the bed behind me. “How do you feel about what he said?”

“I don't know,” I answered. “Mostly confused I guess. I wasn't expecting him to sound so emotional like that.”

“Yeah, that was a shock,” he agreed. “So you're going to write back, right?”

“What?” I said in surprise. “What makes you think that?”

“Because despite everything, you still care about him,” Carlos answered simply. “And you wouldn't really be you if you didn't.”

“I wouldn't know what to say,” I responded. Carlos got up and walked to my desk, grabbing a folder with some paper and a pen. He handed it to me and smiled faintly.

“Just be honest.” The most simple concept in the world and yet somehow it scared me to think about. I took the supplies but just stared at the paper blankly. Carlos sat next to me and turned my head to look at him. “Don't over think it,” he said. “Just say what's on your mind.” I looked back down at the paper and tried to do just that. In the end, it wasn't much but at least it was more than he was expecting.

Jared,

I can't say I forgive you but I can say I don't hate you. That's the best I can do.

~Jessie            

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Carlos POV

After Jessie wrote her letter, she seemed lighter than before. It may not have been much but it was enough to affect her mood and I was happy she could be rid of it. I personally didn't forgive Jared for everything he put her through and I honestly probably never would. But I have to admit that after reading his letter, he had more respect from me. He finally admitted he did all of that wrong and knew that the chances of him being forgiven were slim and he still took the chance of writing to her. The fact that he even bothered to try showed that he really did care and for that I couldn't judge him.

Jessie started a movie after that and we lay back on her bed and watched it, occasionally giving our version of the characters subtext. About halfway through the movie, Jessie fell asleep curled up next to me with her head on my chest and my arm around her shoulder. I turned off the TV and tried to leave, moving as slowly as possible but when I lifted my arm from her shoulder she immediately began to stir.

“Go back to sleep,” I said quietly, trying not to wake her further. “I'm just going home.”

“Don't go,” she whispered back.

“I have to,” I said. “I don't want to get you in trouble.”

“Doors locked,” she mumbled. “Stay.” I sighed and put my arm back around her.

“Fine,” I replied. “But you start snoring and I'm leaving.”

“I don't snore,” she said halfheartedly. A few seconds later and she was asleep again. I smiled and took my phone from her bedside table, switched it to silent and text my mom. Movie marathon @ Jessie's. Be back in the morning.

A minute later her response came in. Parents there?

Yeah.

Okay.