Brown Eyed Boy

Decisions (Jared POV)

Emmett was partially right the day of the accident. I was scared that Jessie wasn't going to want anything to do with me. At first the fear was solely on the thought that she was dead and I had been the one to kill her. She was the only one who seemed to ever care about me anymore and I hit her with my car. All because I wanted that feeling of a drunken bliss. Then I heard Emmett say she was still breathing and hope flared up in me, only to be shut down by the fact that she would never want to be there for me again. And for once in the past year, I didn't blame her or anyone else. The blame was all mine and I accepted it.

            As I sat in the backseat of the police car, and every other moment since then, I saw the whole thing play out in my head and I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I was out driving drunk, the exact thing both Dylan and Jessie warned me about, but the moment it all started I seemed to become sober. I hadn't even seen Carlos' sister until almost the last minute and I tried to swerve away from her but then Jessie pushed her on to the sidewalk and I panicked, swerving back the way I came. I thought I got out of the way of both of them but then Jessie hit the hood and dropped to the ground and everything around me seemed to shatter when she didn't get up. Everyone else seemed frozen, and even though I knew I would be punished for what happened, I called 911.

            I spent the night in a jail cell and was expecting to stay there for longer than that but a policeman said the charges were dropped and I was free to go until my hearing with a judge for driving under the influence. Walking out to my parents awaiting car, I wondered why the charges had been dropped. No matter what kind of relationship our parents had, I didn’t see Jessie’s mother being okay with me running down her daughter. My mom was rambling on about how my license was revoked and she couldn’t believe how irresponsible I was. But most of what she said went over my head because all I could think about was Jessie. The last thing I remembered hearing her say was that I wasn’t allowed to leave the house for anything but school. I nodded as though I were agreeing but five minutes after locking my bedroom door, I was climbing out of my window.

I didn’t really know where I was going until I found myself outside of Jessie’s front door. I thought about turning around and leaving, going anywhere else. I even thought about finding my “best friend” and drowning out my emotions again. But the thought of me hitting Jessie with my car and her dropping the charges made me want to stay and ring the bell. A minute passed before the door opened and Carlos stood before me, smile disappearing from his face as anger took over. Before I could say anything, he punched me in the face and pushed me backwards until I ran into the column on the porch.

“You have some nerve showing up here,” he said angrily and stepped toward me.

“I know,” I said, not bothering to deny it. “I just need to talk to Jessie.”

            “Are you kidding me?” he asked incredulously. “What makes you think I would ever willingly let you anywhere near her again? You must be drunk again.”

“I’m not!” I said angrily. “I get that you’re pissed at me and you have a right to be. But I also have a right to see Jessie.”

            “The hell you do,” Carlos responded. “You have the right to get off this porch before I make you.”

“I dare you,” I challenged, stepping toward him. I never liked being told what to do and while my original intent wasn’t to come and start trouble, I couldn’t help but feed the sudden rush of adrenaline in me. Carlos clearly didn’t mind the challenge and glared at me before tackling me off the porch, down to the ground. He immediately started swinging on me and this time, I couldn’t land any hits of my own.

“Carlos, where are-” Jessie broke off mid sentence as her eyes landed on us, wide with surprise. “Carlos!” She hurried down the porch and he turned at the sound of her voice, giving me an opportunity to push him off and stand. He got up too and glared at me, prepared to make an advance before Jessie stepped between us. “Don’t,” she said, focused solely on him. “He’s not worth it.”