Brown Eyed Boy

Best of Jared (Jessie POV)

I always hated going to funerals. Just the idea of them made me feel cold inside. They were just so sad; so many people gathered together to remember a loved one. The dim lights that seemed to try and hide the fact that you would never see that person alive again. The black clothes everyone wore to mourn the loss of that loved one and that seemed to match their even blacker moods of sadness. And to add to the coldness of the experience, it seemed like that was the only time people took to gather together after years of being apart.

Dylan’s funeral was definitely no exception to all of these things. Suddenly family and friends that we forgot even existed, were there and all mourning the loss of Jared’s brother. They all said they loved him so much and he was too young to have died, let alone of pancreatic cancer. Jared’s mom just nodded and cried at their words, leaning against his father for support and the sight made my own eyes fill with tears. My mom stood by her friend and tried to comfort her too, telling her that Dylan was happier now and didn’t have to suffer anymore but it didn’t seem to make her feel much better about it. I just stood awkwardly in front of them, trying not to look at the casket that held my own surrogate brother at a time. Not wanting to see Dylan the way he was, I turned away and my gaze almost immediately fell on Jared as he walked out of the room. I looked back at our parents and sighed, knowing what I had to do.

I rushed out of the room after him and just barely saw him walk out of the funeral home’s front doors. Walking past people in the entrance, I spotted him standing against his parents’ car, back turned to the funeral home. I approached slowly and stopped on the other side of the car before I spoke. “Jared?”

He turned to me slightly and then looked forward again. “What?”

“Just wanted to see how you were doing?” I said as I walked around to stand next to him. “I saw you leaving.”

“So what, you’re stalking me now?” he asked bitterly. “Doubt new guy would like that very much.”

“I am not stalking you,” I said angrily. “I’m trying to be nice and check on you. That is your brother in there after all.”

“Really?” he said sarcastically. “I couldn’t tell by all the fakes crying over him in there. Now leave me alone.”

I honestly wanted to at that moment. I wanted to turn my back and walk back inside, not caring if he was okay or not. But when I even thought to do that, I remembered that when I needed him most he had been there. That weekend I came home after Michael hurt me, Jared was there for me and no matter how much I told him to go away he didn’t. No matter how much of a complete douche he was being lately, I couldn’t help but feel like I owed him for that. “No,” I said.

“Excuse me?” he asked in surprise, turning to stare at me.

“I said no,” I repeated.

“Why not?” Jared demanded.

“Because whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, you need someone right now,” I said. “Unfortunately, I’m the only one around so you’re just going to have to deal with it.” He stared at me in silence and I was sure that he was going to yell at me. At least if he did, I could tell my mother I had tried.

“Why are you bothering with me?” he asked. “I’ve been nothing but a complete jerk to both you and your little boyfriend. Why are you trying to be nice to me?”

“First off, Carlos isn’t my boyfriend,” I answered. “And secondly, I’m doing it because unlike you, I’m not a jerk. Sure you have made it your goal to do nothing but cause me pain for the past year, but you’re going through your own stuff right now. Dylan wouldn’t want you to go through it alone.”

For a split second, I thought I saw something in his eyes. Almost like he was going to give in and just let me help him as much as I could. But then they turned blank and a mangled and angry smirk crossed over his face. “Well, Dylan isn’t around now is he?” Jared said angrily.

“One day,” I said. “You can’t just not be a jerk for this one day. Jared, this is your brother’s funeral, not your own personal pity party. Why can’t you just accept that I’m trying to be here for you right now?”

“Because I don’t need you,” he spat. “I don’t need anyone. Dylan is gone whether I like it or not and no amount of consoling from you is going to help. Now leave me alone.” I stared at him for a few seconds, not wanting to leave him that way. I wanted to try and convince him that more than anything he needed someone to talk to and despite everything he had done to me I would be there for him. But the angry look in his eyes made me back off and turn back to the funeral.

“Fine,” I said as I walked away. “But if Dylan saw you right now, he wouldn’t like you at all.”

Jared didn’t respond and I didn’t turn back to see his reaction. I just continued to walk back to the building, knowing that not only Dylan was gone from us forever, but also the best part of Jared.