Brown Eyed Boy

Avoided (Carlos POV)

I don't like keeping things from Jessie, but I wanted to surprise her. She probably didn't know I was hiding anything from her, but she reacted almost instantly. I embraced her recent ways of positive thinking and trusting others, but I wasn't an idiot. I was always on the lookout for the old Jessie. I couldn't help but feel like the smallest things could set her back. And though I don't know how exactly, I had a feeling like I had done just that. After I told her we didn't have to think about our college situation right now, she seemed to close up immediately and for the rest of the day into today she hasn't said much to me. I guess it could be because she's here to spend time with Cassie, but I couldn't help but feel like she was avoiding me.

After I woke up this morning, I went down to the kitchen to get some juice and Jessie was there. When she first saw me, she seemed to freeze the way she used to when she wasn't sure if she could trust me or not and it bothered me. I didn't like seeing her that way before, and after all these months I didn't like seeing her that way now. We didn't say anything to each other for awhile, which seemed to bother me even more. Finally, I smiled at her hoping to thaw her out enough to give me a chance to make everything better. Even if it meant giving away my surprise, I would do it so that she wouldn't have to hide inside herself again. And for a second, I thought it worked; there was hardly a pause before she returned my smile. But just as I opened my mouth to speak, she disappeared from the kitchen. And since then I've stayed locked in my room all day, not wanting to ruin Cassie's weekend.

Only now it was seven thirty at night and I couldn't help but feel like every second I spent locked in my room staring at the ceiling and not trying to talk to Jessie was another second for the old Jessie to slip back. And if she did, there was no guarantee this time that I could make any difference. I didn't know what I was going to say exactly, but I wasn't going to wait until she was out of my reach to try. I had made it out of my room and just in front of Cassie's closed door before I heard the laughing and stopped where I was. I still wanted to talk to Jessie, but she sounded like she was having fun and I didn't want to ruin it. As long as I heard her laughing I knew I could wait a little longer. I turned to walk back to my room when Cassie's door opened behind me. I heard Jessie's laugh die down behind me before I turned to see her staring at me silently. She didn't continue to where ever she had been going, but she didn't go back into Cassie's room either, which I took as a good sign. Instead, she closed the door behind her and continued to stare at me quietly.

“Can we talk?” I asked before I could change my mind. After a few seconds, she nodded and walked ahead of me into my room. I followed behind her and closed the door, not sure of where I was going to start. I honestly hadn't expected her to give in so easily. “What did I do to make you avoid me?”

Her eyes met mine and guilt seemed to flash through them briefly. “I'm not avoiding you,” she answered.

“So I imagined you disappearing from the kitchen this morning?” Her eyes moved from mine to my jacket on my desk chair as she bit down on her lip quietly. I sighed, knowing that she wasn't planning on admitting it. “Jessie, I can't apologize for what I did if I don't know what exactly I did wrong.”

“I didn't say you did anything,” she answered.

“You didn't have to,” I replied. “The way you're acting does it for you.” She looked at me again and her eyes seemed to fight with showing a calm resolve and releasing the tears that threatened to spill over.

“You didn't do anything,” she repeated, almost as though emphasizing it.

“Was there something I was supposed to do?” I asked.

“Not really,” she answered cryptically and then paused. “I guess it’s more of what I wish you had done.”

“Which was?”