A Drop in the Ocean

Say something

Ashton's POV:

We were at our hotel in San Antonio, Luke and I are sharing a room and Calum and Michael are sharing the room across the hall. I was lying against his chest with his arm wrapped protectively around me. I was so exhausted but I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about what I'm going to tell the fans, I'm sure management already knows because of the event that happened earlier.

I lifted my head up off of Luke's shoulder and sat up. He paused the movie and looked at me confused.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just... tired"

"I know your hiding something from me, you can tell me."

"I just... I was thinking about what we're going to do about the fans. I'm only 5 months and its already hard hiding the bump and I'm only going to get bigger. They're going to find out if they don't know already. What if they hurt her?" Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, Luke pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back.

"Don't worry about that right now, I promise I won't let anyone hurt her... or you."

"How will you protect us when I'm not in the band?"

"Ashton what are talking about? Your not leaving the band."

"Management knows! They're going to kick me out of the band!" I then burst into tears. It scared me shitless thinking about what I would do if I got kicked out, I wouldn't have anything.

"If they kick you out of the band I'll leave too and I'm sure Michael and Calum would do the same. I don't want to be away from you or our baby." I wasn't even sure what I was going to do after she was born. I've been going back and forth between wanting to keep her and wanting to put her up for adoption. I want what's best for my baby and we aren't it. We aren't ready to be parents.

"What if we didn't keep the baby?"

"What do by 'What if we didn't keep the baby'? Are you considering giving her up for adoption?"

I pulled away from his chest wiping the tears from my eyes. It would have been so much easier to do this if he didn't know.

"We couldn't keep her even if we wanted to. We have the band to worry about, we can't take care of a baby."

"You don't know that! Shes my daughter too and I think I get to have a say in this! I can't believe you would even consider giving her away, you don't even care about her!"

"I do care about her, that's why I think we should put her up for adoption because someone else can give her a life that we can't give her!" I can't believe he said that I didn't care about her. I'm doing this because I care.

Luke got up off the couch, the look he gave me broke my heart. He looked so hurt, tears were streaming down his face.

"Do what ever the hell you want but you can't expect me to sit here and watch you give away our daughter. If this is really what you want then go ahead, you can do this on your own because you obviously don't care about my opinion."

"Luke please, I do care about your opinion! I need you, this going to be just as hard for me as it is for you, I can't do it alone." I cried.

"If you can't do it alone then why didn't you tell me earlier? Were you even planning on telling me that you were carrying my child or were you just hoping that I was stupid enough that I wouldn't find out?" I stood up.

"I was going to tell you but I didn't know how! I was so afraid that you would hate me!"

"You thought I would hate you?" I nodded looking down at my feet, trying to blink away tears. "Ashton, I could never hate you. You don't understand how much you mean to me, I love you so much it hurts! That night we had sex, it did mean something to me, I know you must regret me getting you pregnant but I don't. It made me realize how much I love you and... and I think you love me too." I didn't even know what to say. He loves me.

"Can you please say something?" He cried. "Anything."

"Luke I-I don't know what to say, it's just... I don't know."

"You don't love me, do you?"

"I don't know how I feel, I've always felt like we were more then just friends but I don't know if I feel that way about you. I don't think you really love me, you just think you do because I'm pregnant."

"I don't just love you because your pregnant, I've always had feelings for you. I never thought that I was gay, until I met you." I smiled and he smiled back at me. I was just about to say something but I felt a flutter in my stomach. I hand flew to my belly, my eyes widened. She just kicked.

"What's wrong?! Is she coming now?! Please tell she's not coming now!" I laughed and shook my head. I took his hand in mine, placing it where I just felt the baby kick. After a few seconds she kicked again, he looked up at me smiling so wide, wider then I've seen him smile in so long.

"Did she just kick?"

"She just kicked."

He bent down placing both of his hands on either side of my stomach, kissing my belly. In that moment, I forgot about everything around me. Luke stood up straight again looking into my hazel eyes with his blue ones. He lent in, kissing my lips softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist. This time it felt right kissing him, like our lips were made for each other. It made my feelings I had for him clear, I love him.

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This chapter is dedicated to @dimpled_Ashtonn and @stylinsonirwings. Thank you so much for the covers they are amazing.