A Drop in the Ocean

It's not a miracle

Ashton's POV:

"I'm pregnant." I said crying again. Michael looked at me for a second and then looked down at my stomach, he stared at it for a second then he looked back up at me. His eyes showed a mixture of confusion, shock and sympathy.

"H-how?"

I wiped my eyes and looked down at my feet. "Do you remember that party we went a couple months ago?" he nodded and I continued, "We were drunk! I didn't know what I was doing, I'm not gay!"

"Ashton, what are you trying to say? Who are you talking about?" I looked into his eyes, "Luke. I had sex with Luke." I then began uncontrollably sobbing. It just hit me. It's so real now telling someone about it, I'm having this baby. Luke's baby. My best friend. The one that I had drunk sex with.

Michael was rubbing small circles on my back. "Hey don't cry, it's going to be okay. Remember how I told you that I was going to be here for you no matter what? I'm still here for you, I'm not leaving." His words calmed me down a little bit. I felt a little less alone knowing that someone cares about me.

"I'm such a freak! What guy gets pregnant?! Its not normal! I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not ready for a baby yet." the last sentence was almost a whisper. I was still crying and Michael was still trying to calm me down.

"Your not a freak. It's pretty cool that you can get pregnant. Ashton, it's not a bad thing, it's a miracle."

"How are you so comfortable with this? It's not a miracle! Its a mistake! It never should have happened" I whispered, "I should just get it removed." saying those words broke me even more. I thought that maybe I could do this like 20 minutes ago and now I'm having second thoughts. Michael took his hand away from my back.

"How could you say that? I know that's not really what you want!" he yelled at me. Here come the tears again but this time they were angry tears.

"This is not your decision it's mine! I'm the one who's going to have to carry this thing, I can't even imagine the horrible things people are going to say about me. I could get kicked out of the band!" I scream at him. I open the car door and step out slamming it closed, I hear Michael running after me.

"Ashton stop! Where are you going?" now people are looking at us but I don't care. I don't care about anything at this point. I really didn't have a plan when I got out of the car.

"I don't know." I say simply. "just away from here." I turn around and start walking again. He grabs me and drags me back to the car.

"Let go of me!" I try to get away but his grip tightens around my arm.

"No. Your coming back to the flat with me." I stop struggling and just collapse into his arms sobbing yet again, these damn hormones.

"I don't want to tell Luke yet. I don't want to tell anyone."

"You don't have to tell Luke if you don't want to. Just calm down, you don't want to stress out the baby." I pull away and wipe my eyes. He smiles at me and helps me back into the car before pulling out of the parking lot. Once we make it back to the flat my eyes are completely dry and I've calmed down, you couldn't even tell I was crying.

When we walk in I see that Calum and Luke are both in the living room playing FIFA. I'm not really in the mood to look at Luke right now so I just go upstairs to my room and lock the door. I take the ultrasound picture out of my pocket and sit on my bed just staring at it. I smile to myself thinking about what my child would look like. Would he/she look like me or Luke? For some reason I had a feeling it was a girl, that she would have curly blonde hair and cute dimples when she smiled. She would have Luke's beautiful blue eyes and perfect smile. I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell management and the boys. Maybe I can just leave. I have enough money to live on my own, I could get a job, buy my own flat. I can raise my baby on my own.

I didn't realize how tired I was until I finally laid down. It was only 6 o'clock but I was exhausted, another symptom of being pregnant. I put my hand on my stomach and fell into a dreamless sleep.

~•~•~•

The next morning I woke up to someone knocking on my door.

"Ash, we have to get to rehearsal c'mon!" Calum says from the other side of the door. I hear his foot steps go down stairs, I decide to get up but I guess I got up too fast because I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I ran to the bathroom and spilled the contents of my stomach.

I brushed my teeth and then went back into my room to get dressed. I put on a baggy shirt to hide my small bump and I tried to put on a pair of skinny jeans, I struggled to get them buttoned but then I was finally dressed. I slipped on my Vans and walked out of my room going down stairs to get some cereal. I went into the kitchen and saw Luke sitting at the table on his phone. He looks up at me and then back down at his phone not even saying a simple 'Hello'. I brush it off and grab a box of Coco puffs, a bowl and milk. Michael comes in and walks up to me.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I nod and continue pouring my cereal. He pats me on the back and walks out, leaving me and Luke alone again. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he's staring at me.

"Can I help you?" I say rather rudely.

"What?" he says looking away then back at me.

"You were staring at me."

"No I wasn't."

"Don't act stupid, I saw you."

Calum comes in. "We have to go! We are going to be late for rehearsal!" I take a couple bites of my cereal then put the bowl in the sink before rushing out the door to the car. I sit in the back next to Luke, Michael is driving and Calum is in the passengers seat.

Calum and Michael were singing and laughing in the front but Luke and I were completely silent. I move the seat belt to where it doesn't press up against my bump. Even though you wouldn't really know I was pregnant by looking at me, I still want to try to hide it. I can't risk him finding out yet. Who knows how he would react, he would probably react like anyone would in this situation. It hurts knowing that things will never be the same again, that we won't be best friends like we used to be. I would give anything to change what happened that night.

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