Senior Squad

4| "I Just Need To Feel Normal."

"But I saw them do it." I murmured aloud.

Caldwell leaned in and inquired to me, "What was that? Speak up."

I was so tempted to not say a word and leave his office. However, my body was numb and I was already too comfortable and cowardly to stand up. Instead, I sat there in silence, nodding my head. Eventually, I sniffled and took off my glasses before looking Caldwell in the eyes and told him the truth in a much louder tone. "I said that I saw them do it."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What?" My eyebrows scrunched as I had this sinking feeling, he was gonna suggest the one thing we don't talk about unless it was undeniably relevant.

Caldwell cleared his throat and explained. "Are you sure what you saw was the team and not anyone or anything else?"

"My locker had eggs and girl blood all over it along with notes that said some very nasty things. That was real. You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, right?"

"If there wasn't a similar situation, I'd–"

"Don't you go there." I stuck out my pointer finger and let it go side to side. "I've been taking my meds. I take them... every day. This was real... this did happen and even if it didn't, my experience is real for me."

"I know and we will get to the bottom of this. However, if your mental health is a factor then we need to consider the possibility that it could've made you believe it was them."

"You think I made it up?" A part of me died inside after asking that question.

"No, though you did have a history of incidents." Caldwell dug through his file cabinet and pulled out my file where I slowly shook my head and clutched the stuffed seal tighter in my arms.

"We really don't have to–"

"Witness reports that a student had been furiously screaming over what they saw. His parents had to contact police after they couldn't calm him down. He was forcefully removed from the room and the other student he assaulted–"

"That... that was a very long time ago." I clarified to him.

"It was two years ago."

"Why does that matter?"

"It matters because you lost control of yourself."

"Don't you think I know that?" My voice cracked halfway through and I gulped. A few tears welled in my eyes and I sniffled though kept going forward because he needed to hear this from me. "Don't you think I remember what happened? My family tried to disown me! It was that bad yet somehow they were convinced to be there for me. Jesus, if it wasn't for Gunnar, I don't know where I'd be."

"He's your..."

"Half-brother." I nodded profusely. "Yeah. He's only half-related yet a better parent because neither of mine seemed to care until their son was being ridiculed for the shit he couldn't stop seeing and being tormented by on a daily basis. I didn't mean to hurt that other boy but he was no saint either. Not to mention, he kept saying how my kind rots in hell and I just... I lost it."

"How did it make you feel?"

"Terrible." I admitted. "I was disgusted in myself and so were they. I'm just glad Gunnar had the heart not to turn his back on me."