Butterfly [MIN YOONGI]

Chapter 13 - Not Real

'I didn't mean to hurt Jungkook.I really didn't mean to hurt anyone.All I wanna do is just die.I just wanna die.Why is it so hard?Just three alphabets.D.I.E.That's all I ever asked from you God.You know how hard it is,hurting the one that you love,and you simply didn't mean it?You just don't want to hurt them.You don't want the state and the thing you are suffering with,will affect them.And I know now,I am affecting the whole group.I can't do this!I can hurt myself,but i can't stand the facts that I'm hurting everyone I loved!' Yoongi shout in his mind as he shout in the bathroom hitting his knuckles to the wall,making them red turn into stained liquid called blood.

"Hyung?" Jimin walk into the toilet as he heard a hard knock to the wall as he enter the bedroom shared by Jin and Yoongi.He was told by their leader,Namjoon to look over Yoongi while he and Jin do some grocery shopping since they are out of ingredients to make dinner.

"Hyung ah...." Jimin said sad as Yoongi look at him confused as he also shown his bleeding knuckles to Jimin,making the younger was about to shed tears,but he fight it.He know he can't be weak,Yoongi need him now.Sighed out,Jimin walk toward Yoongi,decreasing the distance as Yoongi walk backward,laying his body against the sink,changing his gaze to the floor as he don't have any confidence to look at Jimin,even though he is older.

'I can't even look at him.What type of hyung I am?I'm so useless,till my younger have to take care of me.Just what is the purpose of me being here,disturbing everyone?' Yoongi thought but it was disturb as Jimin hold Yoongi hand gently bringing it close to his face as he examine the cuts.

"I'll treats this ok hyung?So it won't get infected.Come..let's go to the living room." Jimin said as he show Yoongi heart warming smile but Yoongi honestly don't like how Jimin eyes is looking at him.

Pity.

Full of pity.

He don't like it when people pity him.

He don't need it pity.

He need care and love.

Yoongi look at Jimin with disgust full in his eyes.He is just,angry.But instead of course,he just smile weakly as he talk.

"Don't worry.I'll be fine.I'm used to the pain." He said numbly,but his words make Jimin stop applying the iodine to the cuts and look at Yoongi again with that pitiful eyes.

"I don't like when you said something like that hyung.Pain is not normal.It's not something you should get used to.It's weird and unhealthy.I don't get it why are you putting yourself in this self destructing behaviour at all." That last word make the end of Yoongi patient for Jimin.He drop his smile as he look at the younger with glare,shocking the other.

"I'm sorry the fact that I love putting myself in pain.I have a believe that I deserve the pain when I don't even believe is that God you are praying to even exist.Cause if he was exist,then there will be no one who killed them self!How can you put pressure on someone,not even caring how much pain he had to go through.You know nothing about it!" Yoongi shout as he stand up making Jimin to fall on his back scared.He know,in any other way,he already accidentally offense Yoongi.But he didn't mean it that way.

"Yoongi hyung,stop it already." Yoongi and Jimin attention turned to the person beside him,looking at Yoongi eyes with no fears but left only with pain.Jungkook walk over to Yoongi but then break their eye contact to help Jimin up,pulling him away from Yoongi side.

"It's enough hyung.We all,tried so hard to care and worry a lot about you.I don't get it why can't you see and let us help you?" Jungkook said voice full of thorns,stabbing Yoongi heart.

"Maknae...stop it already..it's ok..I mistakenly said something just now.." Jimin comforting the younger as he really don't want any fight to happen because of him.But,Jungkook is not buying it.

"All you said is true though hyung.It's funny how someone can hurt them self and pretend like it's a normal things to do!It is not normal hyung!But because we love you,everyone pretend like seeing someone hurt them self till bleed every single day is nothing and normal when it's not!Can't you see hyung?You are turning everyone into that darkness too." Jungkook said angry and Jimin was beyond his bravery now.Stepping aside slowly,he run toward Hoseok room,silently whispering to them about Jungkook and Yoongi,making both of them run away from the room to the living room panic.

"I don't ask for you,or anyone to save me right?" Yoongi said dark.

"We save you,because we care and we loved you!" Jungkook said angry.

"You guys never did love me!All you care was about that Suga right?You are worry that BTS will have a crisis if Suga didn't help composing music right!?Because if Suga didn't composed it you guys couldn't take the chance to stand under the light,as the main actor of Bangtan right?The god of visual if I'm not mistaken?Jin,Jimin and you right?" Yoongi said looking at Jungkook cold.

"Guys..calm down..." Hoseok said as he walk toward Yoongi trying to hold his hand but he swing it right away,annoyed.

"Is that really how you think of us hyung?Is..is that?!You think we all done this shit,trying to keep up with the pain you make us gone through,the cruel things you yelled at a person who just wanna calm you down during your panic attack,is that everything hyung!" Jungkook shout as his whole body,shaking,too angry and in pain.

"Then don't care!" Yoongi shout as Jin and Namjoon walk in,looking at the crowd in the living room with question marks.

"Hey..hey guys!What are you doing?" Namjoon shout as he saw Jungkook struggling in Taehyung arm crying while Yoongi,doesn't look good at all.

"Yoongi..Please..what happen.." Namjoon ask as he saw the other was about to break down.

"Stop touching me!All of you stay away from me!Don't fucking touch me!" Yoongi shout as he yell panic.

"No..no..no.It's ok..Yoongi..it's ok!" Namjoon said panic as Yoongi start to shaking as he look at everyone in fear.

"Stop saying it will be better cause it's just a lie!" Taehyung said suddenly.

"Come on Tae..not now." Jin said stopping him.

"No hyung.It's now or never!" Taehyung said annoyed.

"Attacking him like this will just make everything worse!Can you guys stop it!" Namjoon said angry.

"And what hyung?You are just gonna shut the facts that everyone in this group is starting to get depressed too?Can't you guys see?!He is dragging everyone down with him!" Taehyung shout angry.

"Kim Taehyung language!" Jin shout angry.

"I'm not gonna keep this a secret anymore.I don't want any other,of our members,get so messed up like him!" Taehyung said and suddenly someone feet was glued to the floor as he feel blood draining from his body,leaving it pale.

~TO BE CONTINUE~
💮Authornotes : But in the end,everyone turn out to be the person they swore they'd never become.Every single friends I meet just fit that sentences.They all give up on me.I don't blame them.Helping someone facing depression and mental issues is hard and it will hurt the one who are helping too.I'm not worth enough for them to endure the pain.It's okay.I hope they are happy now,even if I was left here.I love you guys. 💮