I returned home, in the morning. I needed more scotch for the boxes. We were preparing to move in the new house in Rome.
Outside was freezing, when I entered I couldn't even move. My jacket was litterally an ice-cube.
Mink and Clear were helping by putting some random objects in random boxes.
"Finally! We have to ask you something!" Said Mink taking me by my shoulders. "Yeah, shoot." I said trembling for the muthafoking cold.
"Who is that guy in the bathroom!? He's so fucking creepy!!!" Said Clear rubbing his belly. I hugged Sei and reader-chan for some warmth and with a serious face I sat on the only free spot on the sofa, the rest was occupied by big boxes.
"It's time for a story." I said.
Everyone sat in a circle before me, truly interested and I began my story.
"It all appened four years ago. There was a beautiful man, a man with sharp and clear eyes. He saved my life from big and naked humans."
"Oh my God, Ciacci! Where is this going?" Asked Awba, not wanting to hear another weird porno from me. "Don't worry, calm down. Those bitches asexual." I resumed the story.
"He rescued me and he taught me how to fight. He was my only family and I was alive thanks to him."
Everyone looked at me confused. What the fuck was I saying?
"But sadly, one day I did something bad and the authorities wanted to capture me. He protected me even then."
Noiz losed interest and he returned to hack whatever.
"Sadly someday I lost contact with him... But after years... AFTER YEARS...!!!"
I made a dramatical pose making Sei dramatically fall down. "Ouch!!"
Sly came out and he slapped my dramatical face and made me go on.
"After years I noticed that my bathroom always smelled of big fat sandwiches, like ketchup, cheese and whatever kind of shit people put in their sandwiches...
But one day I saw him. It was my savior, Levi! And he was selling sandwiches to quite a crowd!"
"Wait what!? You never noticed a man in your fucking bathroom and you didn't even notice a motherfucking crowd!?" Asked Trip surprised.
"I didn't have the heart to kick him out and his sandwiches are so good!! So I let him open a little shop in my bathroom!"
And I finished my story. Everyone didn't really know what to say. Clear just resumed his work with Mink.
"It seems so strange, are you sure you made up all this shit on the moment?" Asked me Sly.
I started to sweat and I tried to loosen the collar of the shirt. "W-what do you mean, bubble-but?" I asked trying to be cool as always.
"Oh is this from another fanfiction!?" Asked Sei excited. "W-what? No! Of course not!" I said with my voice cracking. I took a napkin trying to not make the others notice.
"You are... Strange? Is something the matter?" Asked Toue.
"I'M FUCKING GOING TO THE BATHROOM" I screamed and run away like a lil bitch.
"I heard you talking about me." Said Levi while cleaning.
"Yeah... I hope you don't mind..." I said sitting on the toilet.
"You should make them read your story... Our story." Levi stopped and looked at me. "I-I can't! The story is two years old and it's written in Italian! A-a-and I'm the main character, that's absolutely not good!"
I ranted panicking.
Levi let out a soft sigh while walking up to me and he crouched down. "This story has you as a main character too." He said slowly, making every single word sink in.
My eyes started to widen, then my lips quivered. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOIOIAFGHFFGJJ" I started to scream like a bitch. I actually never intended to be the main bitch here... And I'm serious. I don't even know how it started.
But my panick was replaced by someone else screaming. Me and the little captain run out the bathroom and we saw Clear with his dress' skirt a little wet and a puddle in the ground (he HAD TO wear a dress, pregnant people can't wear pants!). I started to sweat even if I was still freezing and I tryied so hard to not to pass out.
"Fuck, why now!?" Screamed Mink in total panick. But we know animes and games, an year is like just two or three months.
"Okay, calm down, calm down, CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Started to scream Trip.
"NOOOOOO MY EEEEYYYYEEESSSSSS!!!" Virus started to scream too... To my surprise, really.
Sei just started to peace around trying not to freak out. "Well-ahh.... What about the hospital eh?" I said shaking. Funny story, I always had nightmares about pregnant people, I've always been scared of em like if I touch them I would hurt them or if they suddenly have to give birth to the child but I have no way to bring them to the hospital because I still don't have a mf car. It's a real fobia and I dunno why I have it 😐.
But anyway, this time it's slightly better, right?
Mink can drive, right? RIGHT!?
I waited his response. "I have a fucking motorbike, how am I supposed to bring him to the hospital!?"
I tried to not to cry and instead I started to bang my head on the wall.
This is not happening, this is not happening!!
Reader-chan appeared outta nowhere and "Ciacci you have to do something!!" She said. "What why!?" I asked with wide eyes.
Reader-chan made an evil grin. "Because you are the main character, right?"
"Fuck you!" I kicked her butt with my steel hard boots.
Actually I would never kick girls 😧 I'm not a brute!
And yes, I just assumed reader-chan's gender.
Mink made Clear sit on the couch... My beautiful red couch...
And Noiz came near me with a laptop.
"Here, I found a tutorial." He said lending me his pc.
"THANK YOU, WIKIHOW!!" I screamed sarcastically.
"Carmen, come on!!" Ordered Mink with Clear in great pain.
"There's nothing about pregnant men!!" I screamed in return reading the article.
"It's alright, look for the caesarean operation." Said Noiz quietly.
"Oh-ohhh hell nah..." I whined finally letting my tears go.
"W-what about we call the ambulance?" Asked Koujaku.
"It's too late, we can't wait for them-Ah!" Said Clear.
I took five pairs of gloves and I wore them, I took a big kitchen knife and some old shirts that people I didn't like gave me.
I positioned myself between his legs and only God knows how I wanted that this was just a nice fanfiction.
Mink helped Clear to remove just the upper part of his dress and Noiz went to change himself in his 'Doctor House' outfit from some fanfic ago. He finally returned, walking like a penguin with his stick.
We finally started and thank God Clear is a robot.
"Knife." I ordered and Noiz immediately took the kitchen knife and gave it to me. I watched carefully the pc and I cut open his stomach.
"Sweet words." I said. "You're doing great, you seem just like a professional!" Noiz said softly.
Then I proceeded to extract the child.
Clear's body was obviously different from human's and the child was... Just there, in his belly, while attached at some tubes. "Wrench." "Here it is."
I dunno where did Noiz took it from, but alright... I gently loosened the nuts that were holding the tubes in place and then I proceeded to remove the black tubes. "Fishing net." But this time Noiz looked at me dobiously. "What? I don't want to touch this slimy potato!" I whined. Noiz just gave me the damn net. I took the child and I just gave it to Mink like that, receiving some bad looks.
At the end I stitched up Clear and now we were happy(?).
I looked at the two lovebirds, with their newborn. They were so cute but the fact that this child's eyes weirdly reminded me of Toue... I dunno.
Sei walked up to me and gently he patted my shoulder. "You did a great job but... You are so pale... Maybe you should go to bed..." He said with his gentle voice. I started to cry for the happines for the end of this nightmare and after a thumbs-up I just passed out there.
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Finally explained why tf Levi is in my mf bathroom.
And the fact that I'm moving out it's true 😧 So much work but alright.
The updates are slow because of that and because I'm trying to work on a serious and spoopy fanfic.
There are probably some mistakes in this story but for now I'm gonna leave it like this. How should we call the baby tho? It's a BOI.
