Refuge

Chapter 15

"No"

I rushed towards her, wrapping my fingers around her tiny throat and slammed her against the wall by her room.
"Don't make me hurt you!" I squeezed a little tighter.

She wrapped both her hands around my one, trying to shove me away, she gasped "You've already hurt me to the limit"

I let go and sighed, rubbing my jaw as she coughed and rubbed her throat.
"Give me the fucking picture, Ella"

"Why is it so fucking important, are you afraid you'd lose it all to nothing?!"

"BECAUSE I PROMISED HER MOTHER THAT HER SELF SUICIDE WOULD'NT BE KNOWN BY THE WORLD AND THAT SOME MAN JUST TOOK HER LIFE!"

Ella frowned "Suicide?"

I sighed once more, making my way to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of alcohol before pouring large cup. "If the world sees this picture, I'll be forced to tell them the real story" I sighed.
"Her death was suicide" I said, gulping down half the cup with my back towards Ella.
"She was going through personal shit that I had no idea about because I was too caught up with just fucking her" I added, taking the other half of the cup before pouring another one.
"She fell in love with me that she came up with a ridiculous plan to try and expose me, more like blackmail me to marry her or share my shit with her" Ella remained behind me as I sipped on this tasteless, horrible alcohol. "I rejected her so many times, she became addicted to self harming and threatening to kill herself. I ignored the signs, and told her what she needed to hear. I didn't love her, I don't love. I only fuck. So one night I received a phone call" I gulped the entire, somewhat 500ml cup of alcohol. "I had guards on watch, they said they had seen someone break and enter her apartment, so I dropped everything and made my way to her. I wasn't dumb enough to enter her place unarmed so I grabbed my gun that I always carry around and went in. That's when I found her dead, laying there with the knife pushed into her chest, just where her heart sat" I got turned around to face Ella. "Several days later, I was being blackmailed by several people about that picture you have. Turned out Kate was trying to frame me for her death, in hopes I'd lose everything to feel just what she felt when I said I didn't love her. I paid them a few thousands and thousands each, and paid a man to take responsibility of her death because her mother knew it was suicide, but she didn't want her daughter to die like that, not like that. It was the least I could do"
I took down more alcohol before placing the cup onto the bench.

"You expect me to believe you?" Ella whispered, with tense breathing, indicating she did believe me.

"No, but that's something I've learnt to live with.  Knowing that love can simply drive someone insane to the point they take their own life"

Ella licked her lips "Until I have something else against you, I'm keeping it"

"Stop digging up my past, you'll only hurt yourself and bring me pain all over again"

"Why?"

"Because there's way more then a suicidal lover and clubs, Ella. Something I don't like anybody looking into"

"So tell me then" Ella took a few steps towards me "Tell me so I don't have to find out myself, that way we could both accept it"

"Accept it?" I chuckled "Do you know what it's like to re-open scars?"

"Yes" she nodded "Letting you into my life again is like opening every single scar on my body"

I began smelling the alcohol begin to take over.
"I can't do that"

"Why, why?" she sighed.

"Because I have trust issues, Ella"

"So do I"