STAY WITH ME

trente-deux

   phil's mind replayed the scenes of what just happened. like the film of a movie that got tangled. the reel wouldn't go any further, repeating the same scenes over and over, agonizing the watcher. phil stumbled his way through the london night air. it seemed to cut at his already broken and bleeding heart. his garden of eden was wilting. the dead flowers that drew there were spreading. and the strolls he took through them were getting longer.

   he felt as if he was bleeding out on the inside. not real blood, metaphorical. as if his inner self was losing. that he was bleeding out, the life that he had built for himself was tumbling down around him. the castle he had built of legos was being kicked down.

   he tried not to think of dan. only think of evelyn. even though it was agonizing. that it pained him, and he took another stroll through the dead flowers. through the never ending maze of thorns. he felt as if he was bound to the same route. that his strolls only got larger, and he was making the same route. that he couldn't get out of the thorns.

   he stumbled into their small apartment. the lights were still on. the bottle of red wine was empty, a glass turned over, and glass half full. phil's form before he left in a hurry. phil sighed, assuming dan was in their room. he kicked his shoes off, imaging they were the things binding him to the floor.

   the first thing he saw when he walked into their room was the deadened look in dan's once hazel eyes.