Numbers || Andy Biersack

chapter seventeen

"I can't believe you're leaving me to go to London and live with your super rich dad. Your life is like a dream."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know about all that."

"Seriously, you're probably going to end up meeting Prince Harry and becoming the next princess of England or whatever, and I'm just going to die alone as a common peasant."

"You have Link."

"Link isn't a prince, so he's irrelevant," she defended.

"I'm sure he appreciates that," I laughed.

"Whatever," she shrugged. "I'm just so jealous of you, and to make it even worse, you're going to be gone all summer. How am I supposed to survive summer all alone?"

"Do I really have to mention once again that you have a boyfriend? You're not alone, Britt."

"I know, but you're my best friend. It's going to be weird. We've been together since like 3rd grade and now you're just gonna leave for two whole months."

"I'll be back before you know it. And the best part is that I'll be totally over Andy."

"Right," Britt drawled slowly. "So why do you still have that teddy bear he got you?"

I looked over to the large bear that sat on the floor of my bedroom. Andy had won it for me the day that we'd gone to the boardwalk, the day that I realized something was off, the day I should have ended things. 

"Well, it's cute," I defended weakly.

In reality, I was kind of just scared to let the stuff go. The little pieces of Andy and I spread across my room were all filled with their own memories. I couldn't get rid of the photo booth strip of us or the silver necklace he'd bought me. That would mean it was really over. If I gave it all back, burned it, or threw it in the trash, that would be it. There would be no chance of changing my mind and getting back together. I knew I didn't want to be stuck in the way our relationship was, but that didn't mean I had stopped loving Andy.

"Kourt," Britt sighed.

"I don't want it to be over," I admitted, tears brimming.

"Hey, we said we were done with the crying," she reprimanded. I nodded, wiping away the water in my eyes. 

"I just miss him."

"No, you don't, he's a dickshit. Seriously, Kourt? You need to get rid of all this stuff."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. You're going to toss anything that belongs to him in a box and throw away everything that is. Then, you're going to go to his apartment, give it to him, and tell him to go blow a cactus. Got it?"

"Umm...," I mumbled.

"You can paraphrase," Britt sighed.

With Britt's help, I packed up nearly everything that belonged to Andy in an old cardboard box. I decided to keep some of the things he'd bought me, because really, what was Andy going to do with a bunch of lingerie? All of the things that were clouded with memories or that I'd borrowed from Andy. As much as I loved sleeping in his forgotten sweatshirts, it wasn't going to help me move on.

Britt was right. I had to let this all go. I couldn't move to London, aiming for something new, while still holding on to the past. 

After making the drive to Andy's place, I sat in the car for ten minutes before finally getting the courage to go inside. The box of Andy's possessions was heavy in my arms as I rode up the elevator. The whole time I just tried to remind myself that I was doing the right thing. Dropping the box to the side of his door, I took a deep breath and knocked.

The door swung open after a few moments and there was Andy. My heart felt like lead within my chest and suddenly my mouth was dry. 

His eyes brightened as soon as he spotted me and a smile crossed his lips. "Kourt," he said, a sigh of relief falling from his lips. Instinctively, he leaned towards me. Chapped pink lips brushed against mine, intoxicating and warm, but I stepped back. 

"I'm not here to get back together with you," I stated. Andy's face fell, hurt replacing the happiness in his features.

"Then what are you here for?" he asked, crossing his arms. He regarded me carefully, a hint of anger in his gaze.

"To give you back all your stuff," I said, picking up the box I'd set on the floor and shoving it into his arms. 

The sound of claws clicking against the floor made my gaze drift behind Andy. Riot rushed towards the door, tongue lolling out of her mouth. 

"And to get my dog," I finished.

"Your dog?" Andy questioned with surprise. "Riot is not your dog."

"Yeah, she is. She was a gift to me."

"What is Juliet going to think when she gets home?"

"I don't care what Juliet thinks," I declared. "Juliet is not my problem."

I scooped Riot into my arms, who had grown quite a lot since I'd last seen her. She weighed at least 30 pounds and I had no idea how I was going to carry her all through the building and to my car, but at this point it really didn't matter. I felt strong and powerful and finally I had some leverage.

Because instead of me standing around being lost and pushed around, Andy was now staring at me with wide eyes and a dazed expression. 

"You can't just do this," Andy whispered.

"Yes, I can. I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago."

"Can we at least talk? I don't want to leave things like this."

"There isn't anything to talk about. I'm done, Andy. I'm leaving in a week and then that's it."

"You're leaving?" Andy ran a hand through his hair, looking aghast. "Where the hell are you going?"

"London," I said. "I'm visiting my dad for the summer. The space will be good."

"I don't need space. I just need you."

If his words hadn't been so irritating, I might have let myself melt into the sorrowful expression on his features. Andy's blue eyes were wide and his lips were turned down in a pouty frown. He looked so vulnerable.

"I need space, Andy. For once, it isn't about you."

"That's not what I meant," Andy murmured softly.

Riot squirmed in my arms, reminding me that I couldn't keep standing here.

"I have to go," I announced.

Andy dropped his gaze to the ground. "I love you, Kourt."

That was the worst part--knowing that Andy still loved me. There was so much that could have still been ahead of us, if not for his idiotic actions. That's what the hurt the most. I knew we could have been great, yet it all had crumbled. 

I didn't reply, instead turning from the doorway. I couldn't stay here much longer. Andy's eyes held so much remorse and for a moment, I wanted to believe in every lie he said. I wanted to fall for it all over again, but I just couldn't.

"Wait," he called. I turned around to find the space empty. A moment later, he rushed back, an envelope in his grip. "Here, uh, this is for you."

"Um, thanks," I said awkwardly, trying to stuff it in my pocket and not drop Riot.

"Goodbye, Kourt," Andy whispered.

"Bye." I mustered up a small smile that didn't quite reach my eyes.

With that, I spun on my heel, towards the elevator. I could feel Andy's eyes on my back, gazing towards a stranger. I didn't know who that was that had spoken like that to Andy, so blunt and firm, but it sure as hell wasn't the Kourtney I'd always been. And maybe that was the point of this whole thing. Andy had ripped me apart and I wasn't the same Kourtney. I was someone different, stronger perhaps.

So for that, I would have to thank Andy one day. One day way way in the super distant future when I didn't feel like either kissing or killing him.

This chapter was ehh. But yeah, what do you guys think? 10 comments.