Motorcycle Girl: Book Two

Chapter 19: Secrets

She sounds so vulnerable.

"You mean you-"

"Cut myself." She looks away from me. "When I was fifteen until I turned eighteen, because I was a kid. I was alone, I thought my parents were dead. I had nobody and I was so depressed, so broken. I never wore shorts. I was so afraid to be alone, but I was alone, and I didn't feel anything but lonely. And doing that, it made me feel something. I just wanted to feel."

She sits down on one of the coolers behind me and I grab the other one, sitting down in front of her.

"And I thought it was okay." She bites her lip.

I take her hands in mine, kissing each of her knuckles.

"How did you stop?" I whisper.

She looks at me.

"I know you know I was going to school online in France." She says. I nod. "Well I needed a textbook and they didn't have it at the library in the small town I was in, so I gathered all the money I had and took a cab into Chicago. I was already seventeen at the time, I had no job and hardly any money saved."

"I thought you were saving for a car?" I frown.

"I lied." She says. "I've lied, Nathan. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I say, not bothered in the slightest. "So you took a cab to Chicago?"

She nods. "I stopped off at a McDonald's on the way and got coffee. It was winter and I was cold and my jacket was shit." She sniffles. "I went into an old bookstore, one of those little places in a city that's a little charm not many people know about." She sighs slowly. "And there was this lady there, she was probably my Mom's age. No kids, no husband, no family. She grew up in a foster home. Her name was Gweneth Stone. I called her Gwen."

I nod, waiting for her to continue.

"And I was talking to her for the book, struggling with English but she helped me figure it out. Keep in mind this was the longest conversation I'd really had with people in five years. I studied English but I wasn't the best." I nod again, waiting. "So she got up on the ladder to get to the book and when she got the book, it was dusty and it fell out of her hand, hit my coffee cup and splattered all over my jeans, and they were the only good pair of jeans I had that fit me."

I swallow, my heart aching for her as I nod my head.

"And I was just a weak teenager so I started crying. She took me into the back and got me a pair of sweatpants she had back there and sent me to the bathroom to change, and she was apologizing so much but I just couldn't stop crying because I used all the money I had to get into the city for the stupid book and I did not have the cash to get them cleaned. Anyways, I went into the bathroom to change and when my pants were off, she walked in because she forgot I was in there and I was in my underwear and crying, and she saw my thigh, and there were fresh cuts, and they were...they weren't easy to miss, Nathan." She has tears in her eyes now. "And she waited until I was dressed, made a pot of coffee and gave me a mug and sat me down at a table in the back, asked how old I was. I told her seventeen and she told me I needed to tell her what was going on, that she would call the police if I didn't." I raise my eyebrows. "So I told her everything." She looks down at our joined hands. "And she gave me the book for free, and on my way out, she stopped me, took me to her house and gave me some clothes, a shower, and a home cooked meal which I hadn't had in...in so long...and she gave me her laptop and sent me to the guest room and told me that I could stay with her..." she bites her lip. "I lived with her. She hired me at her bookstore, helped me with my math and taught me all about taxes. She helped me find out what happened to my parents. When I turned eighteen I became an adult, and my Mom had gotten me step up with citizenship before I got on the plane when I was twelve." She sighs. "And Gwen bought my permit for me, taught me to drive...six months later she took me to a dealership to get me a car, which I didn't know she was going to do." She looks at Lucia. "And when I saw Lucia, she just about had a heart attack. She loved me like a daughter, wiped my tears, got me to stop cutting..." she sniffles. "She argued with me about Lucia, but I begged so bad. So she bought her. We had to have her taken to the house by a tow truck and she drove me to lessons on how to drive her. When I first got on her alone, after I knew what I was doing and such...the freedom I felt...the happiness." She shakes her head. "I was going to college in Colorado. She was paying for my college, Nathan. And one day the summer before sophomore year, I got a letter getting accepted to Colorado and she let me go because she wanted me to be happy. She made me promise to call. I was living on campus with one of my old friends and she was trouble. She got me high one night and I called Gwen and she and I got into this huge fight and that night, in the shower in the dorms, I cut myself so deep that I got rushed to the hospital. One of the girls found me in a pool of blood in the shower."

"That was you?" I whisper, my eyebrows furrowing. "I hear some girl was found almost dead in the shower, but-"

"It was me." She says. "Gwen paid the medical bills, and I was so ashamed, so embarrassed that I did drugs and upset the one women who cared for me like my mother had, that I blocked her number, moved into a house and bought a leather jacket. I never spoke to her again after that. I was too embarrassed...and there is not one day that goes by where I don't think about her. Everyone thinks I'm dramatic for how I am about Lucia. Why do you think I wouldn't go to the hospital until I knew Lucia was okay that one time in Millersport? She was the only thing I had left of Gwen. I owe that women everything. I owe her my life. I would probably be some cracked up whore living on the streets without her."

"Oh baby." I say softly.

"And now we're moving to Chicago, Nathan."

"We don't have to go." I say.

"I want to go." She says. "I want to tell everyone about her. I know my parents blame themselves for leaving me alone, but I want them to know there's more to me than a bad attitude and a leather jacket."

"You should tell them." I say.

"Will you go with me?" She whispers softly.

"Of course amour, of course.