Past and Present // Kakashi Fic

19. ***

He carried me all the way through the village to the same little apartment that I had said goodbye to him. He set me down and opened the door. It still looked exactly the same. Very clean and tidy.

"What?" He said with a laugh as he looked at me quizzically.

I looked back at him, creasing my eyebrows, "It hasn't changed."

He let out a small laugh and stepped inside, removing his ninja gear until he was down to just his shirt, pants and mask.

"Are you coming in or are you just going to stay out there all night?" He called as he wandered into the small kitchen.

I slowly walked inside, kicking off my shoes and dumping my bag just inside the door. Could I really do this?

Could I really live with Kakashi, and fall back into my old life? Or was I too far gone?

"Mina, are you alright?" My eyes came back into focus as Kakashi pulled a teapot and 2 cups out of the cupboard over the sink. When I looked at him, and I mean really looked at him, I could feel all of my doubt melt away. I gave him a small smile as I made my way over to the kitchen, lifting myself up and sitting on the bench just next to him.

"I'm fine, Kashi," I ran my fingers through his thick silver hair as he leaned on his elbow and looked up at me.

"No one has called me that for a very long time." He closed his eyes and slightly shook his head. The sound of the water boiling forced him to disrupt his position next to me and continue brewing his tea.

I watched as his hands delicately scooped the tea leaves into the pot, and slowly covered them with the

boiling water. He caught me staring at him, instead of saying anything; he tilted his head and smiled under his mask.

My face grew red, and I quickly found something else to look at. My hands, the wall, the clock, anything, I heard him set the teapot down on the table in his living room and I slid off the bench, still avoiding looking at him and began to make my way over to his couch. The couch looked as though it was brand new, even though it was the same one he had 12 years ago. He clearly does not relax very often.

I sat down on the couch, looking around the room, no photos or anything that was really personal, same old Kakashi. I felt him sit next to me and he started pouring the tea. He set my cup in front of me and held his cup in his hand as he reached up to his face with his free hand and pulled down his mask.

I couldn't help but look at him now. This was something that I would never get used to. The beauty of this man was- well it was incredible. The way his soft lips barely touched the rim of the cup as he took a sip of tea. The sunlight glinting of his silver hair as he did so. He caught me staring again and his face went red this time as well.

He set his cup down on the table, tucked one of his legs underneath him and turned towards me on the couch. "So, are you going to tell me why you were leaving?" His dark eye was soft as he looked at me.

"Kashi, I- I don't deserve to be here. I allowed my emotions to govern my actions and failed my mission. I am not worthy of being a shinobi. Not worthy of being in this village." His eyebrows creased and his lips set into a hard line.

"Mina, you are worthy, more than worthy. There is not anyone I know who would have accepted the mission that Minato Sensei entrusted to you. Leaving everything behind was the most courageous thing anyone could have ever done." He reached his hand up to my face but I pulled away.

I stood up and turned so that my back was to him. I felt so guilty that I had pulled him into this with me, "Kakashi, you have this power over me to make me believe whatever it is you are saying. It's usually only for a short time and then I snap back into it. But this... this is too far. I know you don't believe that but I am too broken to be fixed." I kept my back to him as I spoke.

"Mina," his voice was quiet. "Mina, please. Does my love mean nothing to you? You know how hard it is for me to accept my feelings, are you saying that after all this time, you don't want to be with me?" He rested his hand on my back and suddenly I was thrown back into my past, Orochimaru's hand holding me down as he cut and stabbed and tortured me. I jolted away from his touch, tears falling from my eyes as I turned to face him and I saw the hurt on his face.

"I can't do this, Kakashi. I'm sorry." I rush to the door, pick up my bag and shoes and I'm down the stairs and running towards the village gates before he could even get to the door of his apartment.

[A/N - Rollercoaster of feels am I right? I'm back into the groove so I'll upload another chapter tomorrow. I cant write it right now, I am wrecked from work :)]