Us Vs The Universe

Personal Entry

Why I Write

I write to you from a place of wonder, of love, where my solitude is accompanied by happiness for the first time in my life I feel at "home". Each day I breathe is to an extent solitudinous, for I am one to spend most of my time writing and enjoying the quietness in loneliness. And it is complicated for me to give an answer to the question why it is that I write, all I know is that I must for it is an urge similar to that of hunger. Possibly my desire to play with words and arrange them to form sentences as a way to best translate my thoughts comes from that of the unknown source. Fueling me with inspiration to write what has never been said, or too difficult to say. My obsession with writing has been present with me for some time now. I've been attracted since I was young to the power I find within myself when I see my cognition laid out naked in front of me by use of witnessing the syntactical nature of my words, an externalisation of my mind concretised by language. It is interesting to see your thoughts extracted and brought into this world, for it's like a unique mirror where you have a conversation with yourself. An opportunity to not just hear what is happening inside your mind, but to visually see with letters and symbols. My fascination with writing, especially on the topic of anything philosophical, has led to discovering deeper levels of myself that I never knew existed. Chambers, sections that laid bare but unseen have now been lit up with candles of knowledge and awareness. As a result, my life has become somewhat of an arrow on fire that has been shot forward in a direction, lighting up the darkness of the yet to be known as it burns the lies that stand in its path, without pretentious intent. I have literalised my life by subjecting it to letters and symbols; the eternal now stamped with my existence for the eternity that it feeds. I advise writing and all other arts for that matter to anyone who engages in some sort of self-mental conflict, to reveal yourself in front of your eyes by ejecting your thoughts into the physical realm by writing or doing whatever your artistic craft is with truth. Plentiful have failed such a simple task, the simple task of discovering who you are by expressing yourself out of the non-physical and into the deep web of the physicality. This is the purest form you can take on the physical level that will convey your true self. To translate your "spirit", "soul" or mind into the language of physicality for the world and yourself to see through the acts of using physical objects like paper or music, in catalyst with your mind to produce imprints of yourself by writing on the paper or dancing to the music. It's like a splash from a wave of your mind leaving its presence on the beach of what can be felt, seen and heard by everyone. Writing has become my friend, a presence that I can turn to when I wish to ask questions, philosophise, and give answers to areas in my life that if left alone lead to anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. It is a tool of mental health, a sanity producer that has and is keeping me well balanced.

Three Years of Solitude

I was once dangling over thoughts of suicide, clinging to whatever cliff of hope was left. As an eighteen-year-old at the time, depression, anxiety, loneliness, all the problems in which are quite common in today's youth, I had. And I'm quite certain that suicide would have been the conclusion to my life if I hadn't felt this unbelievable experience. It was an experience like no other. It was an interaction with the eternal now, the free love of the ever-present magnificently tranquil, overwhelmed by the feeling of love which illuminated the problems I thought were real, whatever real may mean. I felt lifted, raised high up and then dropped, free from fear, anxiety, depression, cured of the mental suffering I endured for many years of my teenage life. Just for that moment, I felt real. Following this experience of becoming unrestrained, I stumbled upon a video online of a philosopher named Alan Watts, and I began my journey in studying his teachings as well as exploring the teachings of other great minds that have wandered this planet throughout human history. This concurred after I had just finished school, graduated from the burial of the educational system that was so eager to dig my grave and fill it up with futile information as it created a coffin of a dead future for a living being by influencing force of drudgery. Lying to myself with the thoughts heavily influenced by school both on the social side, and the educational side, I told myself I wanted to become an audio engineer and study at a university that will provide me with the ability to do so. When really all I wanted to do was create music. Journeying ahead for one year I noticed my interests in life began drifting away from that of my peers. I realised 365 days had passed and I lived the majority of them alone, studying and writing, breaking my mind free of the ruckus that was just simply unhealthy. My parents would be the only two faces that'd I'd see on a daily basis for weeks, that within the next year when I had to engage in public by finding a job, I was hit tremendously with anxiety. Overwhelmed by being in social situations, it felt so odd that the feeling still lingers when I try to recapture it. So for the first year, I was incredibly lonely, come the next year, I assimilated further in philosophy and advanced socially by looking for a job in which I earned but quit within weeks out of feeling terrible with myself like I was wasting my life. Now living in the third year of this approach to life that differs from most, I look in hindsight of how happy I am that I did such a thing. By removing myself almost completely from society, I have discovered things about myself and life that I believe would never have surfaced if I remained affiliated with the general public. I would have been too caught up in the supposed drama of my social life, caring about petty things like whether people enjoy my presence and like who I portray myself to be. I would also most likely still see money as something that is real and worth acquiring, along with finding importance in climbing the ladder that leads to success by standing on top of others who are trying to do the same. My linguistics I'm sure would have reflected my culture; thus my world would be a place relevant to what is currently the norm, which is not pleasant as we can all see. Three years have passed, and I feel like I am continuing to evolve, progressing effortlessly and for that, I am grateful for my solitude. The act of alienating yourself is something I advise us all to do. For how do you know who you are if you rarely dance alone, to see how you move, step, react? By allowing yourself to be immune to the influences of others you are left with no choice but to think for yourself.