An Improper Courtship

Improper Mother

Edited

With all the whirling of conflicted emotions outside the country home, it was natural for some to seep through the walls.

"Call for my daughter, Alyssa," Lady Kate asked Fiennes the Butler, who had been in service since before Alyssa was born. Lady Kate delicately folded the letter Blake had scribed.

The man obliged, bringing back the shell of a human. Kate's heart cried in anguish, her head swaying with a motherly pain so deeply unspoken off. She had failed her daughter long enough.

Alyssa sat a distance from her Mother, the cold stature of a girl who had stopped opening up to anyone for years. Internally she waited, silently praying that her deepest thoughts would not be true.

"My dearest, I love you and I am your mother so I need the truth,"

Alyssa forced an edged smile, "What truth, mama?"

Kate knew that this approach would lead nowhere, she got up, gingerly moving to broach the distance between mother and eldest daughter. She settled herself, Alyssa could feel her mother's warmth, she always seemed feverish despite her calm demeanour.

"Alyssa Rose, carefully consider my next words,"

Alyssa felt a pang of emotions, she knew she was losing the grip of control she had cultivated for years.

Lady Kate started unravelling the story of her past, she hoped by opening up she could open a door to her daughter's baring, "Your father and I did not always enjoy each others company, our wedding was one of convenience, I was in love with another and had much to compare."

Alyssa was confused, she had thought this calling had been for another reason.

"I was cold and menacing, cruel to your father and withheld much from him, this made me a bitter woman. I saw dismal negativity everywhere and refused to open up to anyone. Though the odds were against it, I fell pregnant with you." Kate paused, her eyes boring into her daughters, searching for a spark of understanding, "I didn't want you, my dear. I thought many times to take my life, you weren't from the man I loved and you would be a reminder of the way my life had not gone to plan."

A normal girl would have flinched at her mother's words, yet Alyssa kept a stony appearance, her mind grasping for threads of rationale. Kate breathed heavily, her eyes watering, "You saved me. Your little fingers holding on to mine, your toes with their minute nails," Kate grabbed onto Alyssa's hands," but most of all your glittering eyes saved me. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that a torchlight had finally been gifted to me, but when you stared at me, my love, I knew I had it in me to escape this dark maze I had caged myself in. You made me see it."

"Mother, " Alyssa struggled for words that wouldn't seem nonchalant. Kate shook her head.

"I think I have more of an idea of your struggle, and it's now my time to save you," Kate spoke.

"I don't need saving, mother." Alyssa's gritty tone made her mother laugh.

"That's exactly what I would have said."

"Mother, I honestly think that there is a huge misunderstanding," Alyssa tried to smile but it would not reach her eyes. Perhaps to ease the mood or perhaps to fool herself further.

"My darling, stop the pretence," Kate was growing desperate, her guilt mounting, "I know I have neglected you and Honey, my thoughts have been very preoccupied but I allowed myself to lose itself in that maze. I will not allow the same for you"

Alyssa stood up and released her hands from her mother's grip, "Mother you stay in your maze, I am most assuredly on the outside,"

The words cut open another wound of guilt in Lady Kate's heart.

"Go to the table and read the letter,"

Alyssa paused, What was her mother planning?

Kate watched as her daughter walked to the table and picked up the letter, she watched her eyes scan each line, the stony expression falling to one resembling a fallen angel. Her beautiful daughter was wasting in front of her. The life from her azure eyes draining, the softness of her cheek drawn and gaunt, her petal lips browned. This was not the daughter who had resurrected her soul with her English summer aura.

"What does this mean?" Alyssa broke the silence,

"It will provide you with the help you need,"

"THE HELP I NEED?" Alyssa had not released this much emotion in years, she hadn't known she was capable of it. "You mean to send me to a Rehabilitation Centre in Scotland?! I can assure you I will not go!"

"My darling, you don't have a choice," Kate whispered, the words almost vexing her more than Alyssa.

"How dare you?!" Venom raising with each word, "How dare you do this behind my back?" Alyssa saw that it had been signed by her cousin, "You take your nephews advice but you do not think twice about talking to me,"

"I did just try, my darling," Kate whispered,

"What a poor attempt, mother!" Alyssa spat, "There is nothing wrong with me! "

"You do not eat," Lady Kate was trying to muster the authority to face her daughter, "You do not open up to anyone,"

Alyssa's eyes went wild, her mind cold with frosty winds, "Seriously! Mother! You mean to send me to Scotland because I simply watch my figure," A sharp cut laugh escaped her mouth.

"Although, your intentions may have begun like that, they have definitely changed." Kate hesitated, "If you are certain that I am wrong and we should not send you away for your health, then allow a specialist doctor to come and examine you."

Alyssa's anger choked her, months of quelling emotions and pretending to not care reached a boiling point in an instant, an instant she hadn't known was capable of.

"You ignore me for months and now you want to pretend to care," Alyssa hissed, she ripped the letter into shreds, allowing them to flutter to the carpeted floor, she pointed a trembling finger at her mother, "I can assure you mother if you have this your way, you will lose your eldest daughters love forever."

A tear rolled down the mature, fatigued woman's cheek.

"I would rather lose your love than lose you forever." The words came out in a tender blanket, Alyssa's heart seemed to reach the corners of the comfort. Yet, the bubbling lava of distrust and anger snatched the corners out of the hearts reach.

"So you will not cede?"

"My darling, I have failed you many times. It is true I have neglected you these past months but I never stopped loving you, if you only knew the truth-"

Alyssa stopped her mother's words with a sharp laugh, "I do not care for your truth! You seem to be lost in your maze and have some distorted perspective of reality,"

The words cut deep, but Kate knew her daughter. She was throwing back her vulnerabilities out of anger. "I know that whatever I say to you, won't change your resolution, but I can only hope that my next actions will change you for the best."

Alyssa's rage erupted and she stormed out on a wave of lava, destroying a vase and lamp on her way. Lady Kate watched her frail daughter leave and she picked up the pieces of the letter, wetting the torn shreds with tears.

Alyssa's mental condition had always protected her from what would occur next, by quelling the emotions and keeping them controlled, she could utilise her conserved energy every day. The eruption of emotions had completely drained out the reserve and the moment Alyssa had left the damned room, her body lost momentum. Her legs gave over, collapsing under her and dragging her down to a violent crash.

Rosalie walking back into the house caught sight of her sister's body dropdown. The fall had been so rough, her head hit the ground. She screamed her name running forward to cradle her head, the scream alerted everyone in the house of a dire emergency. Within minutes, there was a circle of servants and family members around Alyssa's unconscious form. Honey broke into sobs which wrenched James' heart, his hand found hers to provide a grip of support.