P.S - I'm Not Your Barbie

I'm Not Cool, I'm Amazing (ch. 16)

When we pass the massage chairs for a third time today, I let out a longing sigh. So far, Jesse has pulled me all over the place for my "makeover"; I had my hair cut, this weird lady caked make up on my face, and a guy did my nails. I feel like a prime Barbie. Ugghhh. I don't get why I need to do all of this, I'm going to wash all of it off once I get back to my room anyways, so why make any unwanted trouble?

"Ok, this is the last place of the day, and then you can go back to your room." Jesse says. Finally the gang leader has given me some information about when I could leave. Should I bow to him to show my gratitude? Probably not.

I glance at where we are, oh no. Doesn't the saying go; "Save the best for last"? How is getting clothes the best? I have plenty of clothes back at the cabin; I don’t need any new ones. Anyways, I don't like shopping and I don't like changing into the clothes in those tiny changing rooms. Call me claustrophobic, but you try putting on a leather blouse and the sleeves don't fit on your arms. Imagine coming out of the changing room wanting help and looking like a zombie in the process. I really have to stop imagining unlikely scenarios in my head; they never actually end up helping me in reality.

While we walk into the mini shop I find myself feeling as if I am in a mini mall. How in the world can they have stores in here? And a spa? Isn't this a gang house? From the books I read, there were never any shops in gang mansions. Crazy.

The first thing that catches my eyes when they sweep over the store, is a leather jacket. I feel the urge to look at my reflection in the spikes on the shoulders of the jacket. I left my trusty friend back at the cabin when Cherry decided to walk up behind me and capture me, leading me to my destiny in a rusty black car. I wonder what happened to him after he got shot.

"Jesse, what happened to Cherry after he got shot?" I ask him, tugging on the sleeve of his navy suit.

"Who are you talking about?" He asks tilting his head down. What is he doing that for? I'm not that short.

My response is a bunch of words out of order trying to explain myself, but I fail to send the message so I just let out a long sigh and hope that Jesse understands. He does.

"He died. Infection in the leg, there were orders that nobody had the right to touch him or else they would die too." He answers.

I actually feel a pang of pity for Cherry, but it soon disappears when I remember what happened after he brought me here. I know it is wrong of me to blame him or even try to blame him, it wasn't his fault. He didn’t kill the boy, he just played a rather large part in my future. If I should blame anybody, I should blame myself.

I look at the person beside me. Maybe I should blame Jesse; he was the one who blackmailed me. It wasn't my fault. I just didn't want the boy and myself to die ruthlessly. It's understandable, right? Maybe I should ask the police, I'm sure they will agree with my point of view, at least some of them will... Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to end up spending the rest of my life is prison. I might as well kill myself now.

I feel Jesse's hand wrap around my wrist once again as he pulls me towards one of the racks of shirts. No, let me go the other way, I want that jacket. I don't need shirts; I have the one I'm wearing now. I look down at my clothes; I'm still wearing the robe. On second thought, a couple of shirts don't sound that bad; I could always grab that jacket later.

Jesse grabs a handful of shirts and pants, shoving them into my arms. What a gentleman, does he feel like winning an award today? First the comment on my beauty and now making me feel like I have strong arms like a man. Might as well walk to the changing rooms with style, it doesn't look like I'll be escaping from this store any time soon. And I have to save my last inch femininity; I don’t want to be a guy.