A Promise From My Heart

23.

Amy left yet she left so much of herself behind. Everywhere I looked at, there was a bit of her. In my car, I had a phone holder she had gifted me. There was a pen holder she gave me on my table in my office. Most of my wristwatches were a present from her. My favourite tie pin was an accessory we shopped for together.

There was an ache in my chest, one that grew each passing day. Nothing appeared bright like they used to. Everything was grey, dull and solitude crippled my deliberations. The food I ate tasted bland. Hunger was not a thing I felt anymore. The gravity of my wife's departure had taken over everything I did. It was a cloud that hung above me, threatening to rain upon me. There was more numbness inside me than I used to know.

At first, I had thought Amy would return the next day. Maybe she just needed to be few hours apart from me. Then a day became two until it turned to a week. There was no phone call from her neither was there a message. I called her and she did not pick. I messaged her and I received no reply. Her mother was my last resort and when I called the older woman, she gave an excuse about Amatullah not been close to her. That felt like a lie. I had that instinct. The volume of Amy's actions were becoming louder and I was beginning to understand them. Her mother told me to give her daughter the space she requested for. Amatullah needed it.

Anger rose in my body. So, that is it? That was what the woman who should be helping us mend our relationship would say? She supported her daughter? What was I expecting? That she would tell her to come back to me? I cannot remember offending Amatullah.

I did ask her. I asked her if I was offending her in anyway so that I can apologise and all she said was everything's not about you. Then what was it about? She had been like this since she came back from the hospital. I knew she still sees Doctor Adebayo and so far, her doctor said there have been an improvement in her health. But there was a decline in my relationship with her. I did not know her anymore.

We used to share our weakness and problems without any restriction for we knew our imperfections were what made us stronger. We combined our heart as one for they beat together. I found home in her as she did in me. She attracted me to a saccharinity I never knew existed. Then she came back different with so much anger than I knew and wounded me in ways only her could. The safe place I had found in her, a sanctuary I could always run to became hell. And that love I have for her was what was breaking me.

Dad was at the table. He was laughing along with Noor who placed a bowl of ogi before him. TY walked in with a dish of freshly fried akara she kept at the centre of the dining table next to the cooler of steaming ogi. Kenny did the honour of serving Alhaja her own share of ogi and akara. She smiled in appreciation, patted his back with affection.

The aroma of akara absorbed the sweet smell of the flower arrangement Noor had placed in the dining room that evening. She took the chair where mum used to sit which was on dad's right. It was almost like seeing mum again. Noor was my mother's stark resemblance. Complexion, height, facial features even in their hobbies and some aspect of their personality. Sometimes, I saw mum in her which made me know that mum's here with us one way or the other just maybe in a different form. We all have a bit of her in us. She's not gone completely.

I greeted every one as I took a seat next to my grandmother. Alhaja gripped my hand, gave it a gentle squeeze and asked how I was doing. There was, in her eyes, sympathy for me that came from the knowledge of what was happening between Amy and me. They all knew but everyone kept quiet about it. Perhaps they wanted us to try and settle our differences on our own which I really appreciated. I returned her smile with something that was strained.

Dinner had the usual quietness with the sounding of silverwares against white ceramic, mum's favourite dishware. Dad announced when he was done with his food that he wanted to speak to everyone. It was the first in a year that this happened so it appeared to be a serious issue. When the last of us was done, we all sat back with our used plates before us.