Parineeta

Mess!

I had to leave right away, but neither could I find Maddy nor the car. I walked around in the parking lot haphazardly not knowing what to do. My tears wouldn't stop and ma's words echoed in my head.
"bhot mushkil se usse ek sahara diya hai maine.. Aur aaj vo jo kuch bhi karta hai vo Apne uss hi sahare ke liye karta hai.." did that mean everyone of them had moved on with that 'she' in his life. I couldn't understand a thing. Nothing made sense.
"Kyuki usse uss sahare mei tum nazar aati ho.. Bhot pyaar karta hai vo tumse.. Aur ab toh vo yeh baat maanta bhi hai!" seriously? Had he loved me, i wouldn't have been standing here. And did she say he saw me in that girl. How could he even.!
I looked around for a little more time as my tears became completely uncontrollable.
" where the hell are you Maddy!" i muttered. I couldn't understand how could Maddy leave like this. How was I going to get home. I couldn't be staying here for another minute but i felt helpless.
I dialled Maddy's number but it went unreachable
I tried again and again but there was no response.
My head felt heavy and i couldn't hold myself any longer. Each time i closed my eyes Manik's face flashed in front of me. His deep eyes. They were saying something I couldn't understand what.
"are you okay?" i hear a husky voice. The only voice I didn't want to listen to, tonight. It was all already such a mess and him being around could mess it up again.
"listen my car can drop you.."Manik repeated. I couldn't face him but i had no other choice. I wiped my tears and tried to ignore my unbearably aching head.
" no it's okay! I guess Maddy was in a hurry.. I'll take a cab.."i turned to look at him but there was a lot of darkness and i couldn't see his face. One part of me was glad to not see his face but the other wanted to see him for once.
" if you're not comfortable in my car then i can ask Cabir to drop you!"he said. I could hear a different kind of sadness in his voice. Maybe he was sad about the fact that i did not want to go with him or maybe something else... Or maybe someone else!
" i said I'll be okay!"i said a little abruptly.
" Nandini Please!"his voice softened. But i wasn't letting him win only because of this sudden softness of his.
" what?"i asked.
" I'm sorry.. For everything.. For misunderstanding you.."
" and for using me?"i cut him in mid.
" I never wanted to hurt you.. I never wanted you to go away.. I'm sorry!"he came closer.
" so you wanted me to stick around as your wife while you loved your girlfriend!"his words angered me.
" i wanted you to stick around as a friend!"he clarified.
" friend? Manik.. Our friendship broke the day we got married! And if you still considered me a friend.. You would've believed me.. But you loved Alia so much that you couldn't afford to believe me!"my words got ruder.
" i never loved her! I know this now!"he muttered and i was amused.
" whoa! When you guys broke up you realized that you never loved her! What kind of a man are you, Manik!"
" i said sorry!"he said his voice turning tones.
" yes you said sorry! You said sorry for misunderstanding me.. You said sorry for hurting me.. But you did not say sorry for not loving me.. For not believing me.. For letting me go.. For always taking me for granted.. What about that Manik? What about that? And how many more sorrys should i count for you.. You're not sorry for always choosing your friends and girlfriend over me.. What about that?"my voice trailed off.. I was choking on my words. Tears took over me. I didn't speak and so didn't he! A long silence of misery followed as i felt him come closer. I wanted to back off. Push him away. Run out of there. But nothing worked that moment when he grabbed me in a sudden hug and i stood still. Even though I was still angry. My tears were yet to stop and I still had alot of anger on him but his embrace made me let go of everything. I wanted to hug him back but that, my anger on him stopped me. I stood motionless not wanting him to know that i was at peace in his embrace and how much I'd missed these strong pair of arms holding me from side to side. Though there were not many times that we hugged but even the fewer ones were being relived at the moment.
"Manik!" i murmured knowing that this could not be going on like this. I couldn't be forgiving him so soon, so easily. No.
"Nandini !" he repeated.
"Manik! No!" i pushed him away.
"just stay away! I'm not letting you play with my feelings anymore... Just go away! Go to your sick girlfriend!" i said in a fit.
"girlfriend?" he looked at me questioningly.
"don't pretend Manik.. Please! I've had enough! You need to go to her.. Just like you went running during your performance.. Just go!" i shouted running out of his sight and out of the parking before he could stop me! My tears knew no limits as i ran on the roads making sure that he didn't follow me.