Parineeta

All About You

"....but the anger and the softness that settled simultaneously in his eyes that day were not a usual feeling.. but he wouldn't accept.. he never did.."Cabir's words hardly made sense to me as I went back to that day, I remember looking away from Harshad as his face was inching towards me, I had closed my eyes in disgust anticipating the worse but in the next few minutes I felt the absence of his touch on my arms, there was vacuum in front of me but not literally, I opened my eyes to someone's broad back, a hand softly tugged at my wrist pushing me back, I couldn't see his face but I was relieved that I wasn't in front of Harshad anymore, although I'm a very strong girl and had I not been thrown off guard by the dare, I would've punched Harshad myself but in that moment all I could see was a guy, his back towards me, as he punched and punched and punched Harshad hard in his face, even though I was completely and protectively covered by the guy I could steal a few glimpses of Harshad's bleeding face. Within minutes of that scene the authorities had arrived and pushed the two guys away from each other and that's when I finally saw his face, Manik's face, angry, like he could kill Harshad in that moment, one the teachers pushed Manik alittle further and he had lost his balance and landed over me, not completely, as I held him from his back trying to protect him from falling and helping him regain his balance. He'd looked at me alittle annoyed initially, and that I'm pretty sure because of the teacher who had pushed him but as soon as he realised it, his eyes softened, he had looked at me for a little while longer trying to affirm himself that I was okay and then had turned away but his hold on my wrist stayed, it stayed until he explained the whole situation to the teachers who were charging at him because everybody there were witness that Manik had started the fight but nobody mentioned why, maybe because they thought it was my fault, or maybe because they did not want to put light on the stupid games everybody played then, but it came out, Manik no matter how arrogant, was still alot of teachers' favourite unlike Harshad because the authorities knew how most of the times Harshad was wrong but his parents would anyways save him any punishment, and so most of the teachers trusted Manik and believed whatever he said. I was scolded alittle for giving in to the dare but I remember Manik had even then scooped in and saved me the scolding and had pleaded the teachers to let the matter go and not involve anybody's parents, especially not mine, I had heard him say to one of the teachers as he assured them that he knew my parents personally and would talk to them, but he never did. That was the day we became friends, I was grateful to him for having saved me and I was extremely happy when I asked him if we could be friends, like real friends who would acknowledge each other's presence at all times, even if it meant a simple hello and he had said yes. He was a great friend I'd realised over the time.
"Nandini, the day Manik realised that he was so close to you even he felt a little different, he tried to stay as far from fights as possible especially the ones that you would hear about, he did not want you to think he was like a gunda or something, he started staying even more low key, he'd stopped the slightest of pranks that we used to do on people, juniors mostly, he was starting to be the old Manik completely, he started smiling alittle more than he did, started talking to people around nicely and not just us, ut was like he was recreating his whole image in the school and he doesn't accept it still but I think he did so so that if you ever hear something or someone talk about him all you get ito hear is good things, and then because of your dads you started spending a little more time at each other's places, sometimes at dinner, sometimes randomly and most of the times when when Manik's dad used to go to your place to have a casual, random meetup, he would look for excuses to tag along, he would ditch me to go to your place, he's even missed on some Fab5 hours for you, even our practices but that was when you guys were just friends, and I did not feel like pulling him away, because he looked very happy about being around you and so did you, and both of your happines mattered to me... But gradually when you started falling for him, he realised what he was putting himself into, despite the fact that somewhere deep he also felt the same way, he believed that he was not cut out for this.. not made for stuff like love..  and he probably even believed that you weren't his type.. because he believed love would make him weak and he might lose the power he had gained in so many years, the fear of that kid in fourth grade, being pushed into corners and bullied and ragged haunted him and so he started shutting you out, not completely but to you it felt different and I could feel it in the way he stopped talking about you to me..."Cabir went on and I remembered how our friendship was so beautiful for all that time but gradually as we grew up he seemed to lose interest, in meeting me, talking to me, me. Cabir's words were making sense to me even though I wasn't ready for them to make sense.
"He continued shutting you, he made you feel like he wasn't interested and most of the times even as if he was not with you mentally when he was there physically, and even he thought he was pulling it all off, that he really couldn't care but then alot of times he used to start talking to me about you and what you said but then used to realise it and brush it off like he hadn't completely heard what you said but I could read it in his eyes... Everytime You thought, he thought, he wasn't listening to you, his soul focus was on your words, even when he believed he wasn't listening to you and that I realised when we graduated to college and you came into the eleventh standard... That was when you'd come across Madhyam, didn't you?"Cabir asked me and I was surprised.
"Yes but how..?"before I could complete my question, I saw a stupid smile on Cabir's face and I knew he had the asnwer to this too. I waited.
"It was after some months of you starting your eleventh and us starting our college, I guess four or five months later... We were in college that day, all of us had decided to meet up early for practice but Manik had to go back to school to pick some of his certificates and when he'd come to college, he looked pissed, like extremely boiling about something even though he tried hard to hide that feeling but the way he spoke to us, he was getting irritated at the slightest of things which was a little unlike his usual behaviour so I'd dodged everyone's questions and had excused the both of ourselves to go to the canteen to get some snacks... There I had asked him what had happened and he had mentioned you and a guy, Maddy!