Chapter 23

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you can let go now Toddy.

In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of Todd coughing, I got up, flicked on the light and ran around to his side of the bed, there was blood everywhere and he was coughing up more.

"SCOTT! KRISTEN!" I scream through my tears "CALL 911 RIGHT NOW!!"

I sat Todd up and sat beside him to keep him steady as I rubbed his back trying to comfort him while he continued to cough up blood

Soon the paramedics came in and took him away on the stretcher, Scott, Kristen and I followed behind in Scott's car.

Todd was rushed into a room to be stabilized as we waited in the waiting room, Scott made calls to David & Liza, Zane & Heath, Gabbie and Jason. He also called Todd's parents who were going to fly in to see him but Scott told them it might be too late.

Everyone else arrives and we all wait patiently until a doctor comes out to speak to us, he tells us to follow him into a meeting room and sit around the table.

"I'm sure you're all aware of Todd's medical condition, you all knew this day would come but you hoped for later rather than sooner, he's been stabilized but I suggests each of you say your goodbyes today, incase he doesn't make it through the night" the doctor explained

Zane was the first to go and when he came back he was breaking down and crying

The same thing happened when Heath went, then Gabbie, Liza, David, Jason and Kristen but when Scott came back, it was different.

Scott came back and he was stone cold, he didn't talk to anyone, he sat down the table and buried his head into his hands. He's going to lose his best friend.

It was my turn to go but I didn't want to, I didn't want him to die so I wasn't going to go say goodbye. The doctor took us back out to the waiting room after I refused to go into the room, everyone started leaving because staying there was making them break down even more. Before Scott left he gave a hug and didn't let go for a couple minutes

"I know I seem okay but Madeline, I'm far from okay. Be strong." He said as he pulled away and walked out with Kristen crying into his shoulder.

I decided I'd go see Todd so I got up and walked into his room, it was almost 10am and We'd been here since 1am. I slowly walked into the room and saw his face light up.

"Mads" he said, his voice is raspy and weak

"Oh Todd" I say before sitting down next to the bed

I'm trying to be strong but looking at him like this is like feeling like a thousand knives stabbing into my chest, I'm about to lose the love of my life.

"I'm not dying today okay? I'm going to live through this for you and the baby" he says with hope in his voice as he grabs my hand

"Todd, I love you so much and I hope you can get through this too" I say squeezing his hand

We talked and laughed for about 5 hours, we talked about the future and growing old together although it won't happen, we talked about kid names and how amazing he or she is going to be, watching them grow up and become a independent individual. We talked about all our hopes and dreams.

Todd began to have a coughing fit again, I handed him some tissues and he spit blood into it, he's becoming weaker and weaker.

A nurse walked into the room and asked to have a word with me, I walked out and she began to speak

"Honey, I know this is the last thing you want to hear but he's only hanging on for you" she says "he suffering and just waiting for the okay"

I walked back into the room, she was right his breaths were heavy and raspy and the smile on his face was forced, my voice and heart were breaking as I crawled into his bed and said

"You can let go now Toddy" I began to get teary eyed

"What about you? What about the baby?" He asked

"I'll be okay and I'll carry on for you, it's a little bit scary but I want you to know I'll be okay now Toddy, you can let go" I say as I kiss him one last time before climbing off the hospital bed

"I love you, only you, my little Mads, forever and always." He says softly

I sat down next to him and took his hand, I watched as his eyes went heavy and the grip of his hand went loose, the sound of the flat line let me know he was gone.

"I love you too Todd" I sobbed

Tears flowed from my eyes as the nurses ran in, one got me to stand up and follow her out to the hall. I slammed my back against the wall and slid down it, I buried my head into my knees. I cry for what seems like forever until Scott and Kristen came to get me.

On the way home I looked out the window and up at the sky, it was dark out and there were stars everywhere, the stars were dimmer now that Todd isn't looking at them with me.

I know you're watching over me, I know you're happy and not suffering anymore.

You were my first real love Todd Smith.

You saved me when I needed it the most and I'm sorry that I couldn't return the favour.

I love you Todd Smith.

Goodbye.

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That's it guys, I can't thank you enough for reading this story and coming along this journey with me, I love you all.

Honestly I cried the whole time writing this and this may not be the happiest ending but it's the ending that spoke to me.

I will follow up with an epilogue soon but until then...

I hope you enjoyed! Xoxo

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