hate to love you.

fifty-six

"there you are." demi said standing up and directing me out of the large doors of the hospital.

as we were in the car demi kept looking over at me, but before i could make eye contact with her she would look away.

"is something bothering you?" i asked.

she simply shook her head 'no'.

even though she said no, she kept doing the same thing over and over. this is going to be a long car ride.

after arriving at the restaurant, we took a hold of each other's hand and met the others.

others, meaning, mom, dad, selena, demi and i.

i wonder how maddie is doing.

she's always on my mind lately.

shit, she doesn't know about me being pregnant. or, about me losing the baby. maybe, we can catch up sometime.

"hi, gabs." mom said smiling.

she had a gift wrapped sitting on the table next to her. it had a bow on top. "what's that?" i said motioning to the gift, but her face dropped and she didn't say a word.

"you're going to eat." demi said whispering to me, giving me a serious look. i rolled my eyes, "obviously." i said sighing.

selena looked a bit concerned.

"oh? did demi not tell you that i have, oh sorry, had an eating disorder?" i asked smiling making her uncomfortable.

demi kicked my leg under the table.

after a long meal, and many laughs from others later.

"can everyone quiet down a bit. i have something to say." mom said, breathing in deeply looking at me.

"don't be angry." she said handing me the small gift that i was questioning earlier.

i carefully opened it, because everyone was staring long and hard. it's dallas' birthday, but i'm getting a gift?

i finished opening the gift, but it only revealed my birth certificate. i put it down on the table.

"is this a joke? it's my birth certificate." i said looking at mom who had a tear streaming down her face.

demi picked it up, and covered her mouth. "g-gab, you should take another l-look at this i d-don't th-" she said, but handed it to me before crying a bit.

i grabbed it.

yeah, yeah, gabriela marie gonzalez.

born on sep-

mother: dia-

wait.

mother: dallas lovato

it can't be. mom isn't my mom? and dad isn't my dad? wait, this has to be a joke.

"ha ha. funny, now why'd you do this?" i said trying to tell myself it's fake, and it's not real.

"baby, dallas earlier in the year decided that she'd tell you on her birthday, but you know, things happened, so i did it this way." she said.

"you knew that dallas was my mother my whole life, and you felt the need not to tell me?" i semi-yelled.

"i'm sorry." she faintly said.

"no, no you're not. is this why dallas was always more like a mother to me than you ever were?" i asked.

mom stood up, angry, but calm at the same time.

"take that back. i've done everything for you that i could've possibly done." she said yelling.

i rolled my eyes, and turned to guillherme, and gave him a look of disgust. "you knew that you weren't my father, but you of all people lied to me? i trusted you!" i said.

and, with that, i grabbed coat and ran away. no, not looking back, but i ran all of the way back to the house.

demi made a key for me.

*trigger warning*

i ran a warm bath, with no bubbles, only so that i could see the faint redness in the the clear water.

i grabbed the familiar razor that i've been yearning for for a while now. demi isn't the best person to hide things.

scratching, no, cutting my wrists i dig deeper each time, but there was something tell me to not go too deep.

it wasn't my time.

so many questions, but i just needed answers. i can't ask them.

sitting there in my own bloody water, i realized that i've let dallas down. i've been doing so well.

but, in that moment, sleep took over me, and i was there quietly laying, and sleeping in my own blood.