hate to love you.

twenty-two

turns out i slept all through the night. who knew that a person could be so tired that they just sleep the night away?

oh, yeah. george committed suicide. and, it's my fault. there's school today, and i don't really wanna stay home.

i got ready and didn't even bother with makeup. what's the point? i grabbed my stuff and made my way down to dallas.

"hey..." i said to dallas while yawning.

"hi," she looked up at me drinking her coffee. then all of a sudden she screamed.

"i look that bad?" i said laughing.

"no, no. you look amazing like you always do. you know you don't have to go to school...?" she said focusing on me.

"oh, i know. i just want to. i mean, this is where he killed him self." i spoke.

"well then, i'm going to drive you." i nodded and we left to the car.

while we were in the car, dallas said something, "when you get home, i have a surprise for you. sorry, i have work though." she said. all i did was nod.

i know her job is important and it keeps the roof over our head, but she is really leaving me alone?

i got out of the car and told her bye making my way to my locker.

i reached my locker grabbing my things, hoping that al-

"well, hi there, gabi. or should i say... murderer." she said. i stopped. "w-what do you mean?" i said.

"cut the shit, you know what i mean. george left a note behind with his football team and your name was on there as the reason why he died. {a/n- no this is not supposed to be a different kind of reference to 13RW}.

"i am not the reason why he died. it was his choice to take his life, he could have gotten help for himself." i said with tears coming to my eyes.

"whatever, murderer." she said slamming me into my locker.

i sat there for a while with my hands covering my now wet face.

why am i so emotional over this? why am i acting like this? it's okay. i can get through the day.

the day seemed to go by so fast. many of the teachers called me over to their desk and asked if there was anything they could do, but i a politely declined.

all day i suffered with notes from ally and it tore me to pieces. i even decided to skip lunch.

i began my slow, but painful journey home. thinking about george and what i could've done to help him. i shouldn't have been such a bitch.

i went up to the door of our house and opened it. i went straight upstairs, but somebody called me and stopped me.

"so, you're not going to say hi to me at all?" she said smiling. my face lit up as i allowed myself to run downstairs and hug her.

"mads, i missed you so so much! omg talk to me..." i said and she obviously caught on to the fact that i was talking about rehab.

"well, it was stressful. they basically shoved food down my throat, and resisting the urge to cut was awful, but otherwise... things were okay. i met new friends." she said. i nodded and hugged her again.