The Street Child (Min Yoongi)

Chapter 8: A Blast From The Past

We were engulfed in silence. The only sound was of the calm waves crashing on the shore. The starry sky was clear of any sign of life. It was all serenity.

Mark and I were a mess of tangled limbs, but it was a comfortable position; I wanted to just stay like this for the rest of my life, locked in this beautiful and tranquil place, no worries, no troubles, and no one to disturb us. Far away from this cruel world that had given us too much grief.

I was sitting on Mark's lap, my head snuggled in his warm chest. My hands were between us, my legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His arms were around me, keeping me so close to him that there was no space left between us. He was resting his cheek on top of my head, weighing me down. I heard him sigh to himself.

"I never want to move from this position."

I hummed in agreement. Taking a strand of my hair, he twirled it around his slender fingers. He kissed my forhead, making me sigh in content and snuggle my head deeper into his chest, wanting his warmth and manly smell to engulf me. In response, he rubbed his face in my hair, inhaling my shampoo deeply.

"I love you Yuna."

"I love you too Markie pooh."

I could feel his smile on my head.

He pulled back a little and grabbed my face in his hands, resting our forheads together.

"I'm sorry for making you worry. I just needed some space, that's all. And I'm so sorry for thinking that you were going to forget about little ol' me," he whispered, his breath hitting my lips, which were just an inch apart from his own. "I'm sorry for doubting you even for a second. What kind of person doubts his own family? I'm an awful person."

I could detect a childish whine in his tone, causing me to chuckle. I squished his cheeks with my hands, making him pout and look like a gold fish. I let out a laugh at seeing his funny squished face.

"You're not an awful person Markie. You are the most adorable little goldfish I have ever met," I cooed to him.

He smiled, his sharp canines showing through his parted lips. But suddenly, a wave of sadness washed over his eyes.

"Do you...do you still think about...him?"

My eyes furrowed in confusion, then parted as it slowly dawned on me who he was talking about. I gulped and looked down at my lap, fidgeting with my fingers.

"Of course. How could I ever forget him? He was my everything, my everything," I whispered to him, the tears that were almost always at the brim of my eyes nowadays, threatening to escape.

"I thought my life was the worst." He scoffed, shaking his head ."I didn't even know someone so close to me was having a way worse life than mine. I only got separated from my mother. But you...you got so many people snatched away from you Yuna. I'm so sorry. If I had the power, I would make all your worries, all your troubles, and all your miseries disappear from your life, you know that right?"

I nodded, sniffling, wiping at my eyes.

"Yuna."

I raised my head and looked at Mark with watery eyes.

"You don't still blame yourself right?" However, he said it knowingly, as though he already knew the answer.

I looked down guiltily; he didn't need to hear the answer. He already knew.

"Why?" He exasperatedly asked in a voice filled with pain.

"Because it's my fault. It's all my fault that he died. All my fault..."

My whisper trailed into silence. I couldn't meet Mark's eyes knowing I had disappointed him. He had asked me years ago to never blame myself for Joshua's death.

"Yuna, baby, it wasn't your fault. Why are you beating yourself over for something that wasn't your mistake?" He desperately asked me.

But I kept shaking my head, pleading for him to stop. He didn't know what had happened that night. He wasn't there. He didn't know anything.

Because I had lied to him

For two years I had willed myself to forget about him. To forget that he even existed. But how could I? How could I forget about the person I had spent the best 2 years of my life with? How could I forget about the one I had loved with all my heart, the one in which I had put all my trust, confided all my secrets?

For 2 years, he had been my reason to wake up every morning. My reason to face my problems, my reason to not give up on this awful world which had nothing but hatred for me. He was my happiness.

But the world had taken away him too. It had snatched him away from me so cruelly, so heartlessly, that I no longer had any fate in god. Because I knew He hated me. Because I knew that I had commited such a grave sin against him, that He knew I was not worthy of him. He knew I was not worthy of such a wonderful, such a kind, gentle, beautiful and perfect person like him. I had stabbed his own back. I had betrayed the person who had put so much faith in me. Who had made me believe I was beautiful, inside and out. And no matter what I would do, God would never forgive me. For He knew what was in my heart. He knew I wasn't as beautiful from inside as I looked. He always knows. A small part of my heart had shrivelled up because of my sin; I wasn't pure anymore.

He didn't deserve me. Joshua didn't deserve such an awful person like me. He deserved someone who would never betray him. He deserved someone who loved him more than he loved me. But I didn't give him a chance to find someone like that.

Because I killed him.