hate to love you.

fifty-one

"please, don't ever do that to me again."  he said crying while holding me after finishing cleaning up.

i nodded. i'll try.

after at least an hour of sitting there, nick picked me up and carried me in his arms downstairs.

he grabbed some mugs, and started making coffee. after fixing our coffee up, he came and sat across from me at the table.

"are you hungry?" nick said.

i blankly stared at the white wall beside me. i shook my head 'no'. "you've got to eat something." he said sighing.

i shook my head no again.

"is there something that you're not telling me?" he asked. i looked him in the eye and prepared for the outburst.

"yes, nick. yes! i'm suicidal as fuck. i hope that one day, i cut so deep that i just bleed out and die. maybe when i die i'll be treated right! or, maybe when i stop eating, i'll finally be skinny and loved." i shouted before trying to walk away.

he grabbed me, and looked me in the eyes.

"go ahead, break up with me. you don't want a girl like me anyways." i said. he held my chin up and picked me up in his arms.

he brought me to the full body length mirror and stood behind me while we looked in the mirror.

"what don't you see that isn't perfect?" he asked smiling at me.

"well, my thighs are huge. i look like i've been eating mcdonalds three times a day for the last year. i'm ugly as fu-" i started.

"that's enough." he said. i looked up at him, but he changed my view to myself in the mirror. "princess? you know what i see? i see a beautiful girlfriend standing in front of me. a perfect girlfriend. the most loveable type of person standing here in front of me. your thighs are perfect, and did i mention that you're beautiful?" he said making me laugh.

"the point is, you're beautiful." he said while laughing which made me smile. "and, you're strong. i know that you can eat, i know that you can go without harming yourself, because you're claire stevens, the strong girl i met two months ago." he said.

i almost started crying. i turned around and hugged him, and kissed him. "i love you." i said smiling. he kissed me again and hugged me tighter, "i love you even more." he said.

we sat down on the bed, and he held me. "claire?" he said. i looked up at him.

"a friend of mine is coming over later, she's been down lately and has had a lot going on in her mind, and she just needs a friend, but only  if you're okay with it." he said.

i nodded, "of course, babe." i said pecking him on the lips. he got up and put on some shoes as the doorbell rang.

"come downstairs when you're ready." he said. i nodded, and got out of bed to go and freshen up.

i threw on a hoodie and kept the hood up. it's kind of freezing in here. after about thirty minutes of hearing laughter from downstairs, i decided to go downstairs.

i walked down the stairs quietly and peeked around the corner to see who it was. i quickly turned away and held my breath for a second before calming down.

it's demi.

"claire? is that you?" nick said. i slowly walked around the corner and over to nick and demi, but i kept my head down.

"who's this?" demi asked.

"my beautiful girlfriend." nick stated. i slowly looked up an gasped at the train wreck that sat before me.

demi looked like she hadn't slept in months. she gasped also, oh no. do i look that bad?

"gabriela?" she asked getting up.

"who's g-gabriela?" i turned to nick asking. nick told me to stay quiet.

"gabi, i know that's you." demi said crying. "nick, you're dating gabriela?" demi sobbed.

"this is claire, demi. you're not in your right state of mind." nick said going over to demi.

demi and i made eye contact and maintained it until she looked down at my fingers. at my ring, that spelled demi.

demi slowly nodded and began to walk away. nick moved her to the door, but demi stopped before walking out, tears streaming from her eyes.

"claire?" she asked. i looked up.

"please, tell gabriela to come home." she said looking at me. i walked a bit closer.

"i'm sorry, demi, but i don't know a gabriela." i said turning around and crying into my hands after she left.

i could hear nick moving towards me and turning me around. "what's wrong?" he asked me.

"i hate seeing other people cry." i said, which was partly true. after standing there for a while, he grabbed me and walked me upstairs.

"maybe you should get some rest." he said kissing my forehead. he laid next to me, and after a while, i calmed down.

"nick, i love you." i said moving over next to him, but even closer this time. on top of him.

"claire, i love you too. what are you doing?" he asked looking at me. i told him to stay quiet as i passionately kissed him.

we all know what happened that night.

nick jonas was my first.