BIRBS R ON TH3 LO0SE
Scout
Aww..! What a cute birdie! He's jus- OW WAT DA HELL!
The bird violently lashes out at Scout, and has drawn blood from his hands. You coo at the little feathery ball of fluff, trying to calm it down while Scout looks at you in disbelief. He's the one who should be getting all the attention! Not that thing!!
Pyro
Usually something that cute and cuddley shows up as the same cute form even in pyro vision.
But this little thing shows up as a hell spawn chicken perched on your shoulder, and there's nothing he can do to chase it away.
Soldier
He'll try to neck snap the vicious little thing, but gets slapped across the face with it's tail feathers, sending Soldier flying across the room.
He'll frantically try to explain what had just happened, but you just roll your eyes.
After all, there's no way a canary could bitch slap a full grown man!
Demoman
He'll laugh at the parrot perched on your shoulder and try to make it talk. While you leave the room, Tavish is still having fun with the parrot.
"Say hellooo!! Does Polly wan' a wee crackarr??"
"My name is Jeremiah Peter Goodwell the 3rd. And the last thing I need is an overgrown drunk trying to force feed me stale biscuits that are not even fit to cushion the feet of my cage"
"Wha-"
You soon enter the room, holding up a box of crackers.
"Hey!! Tavish look at this!!"
You hold out the cracker.
"Does Polly want a cracker??"
The bird chirps a hello and eats the cracker delightfully, Demoman not quite sure what he just saw.
Heavy
Every time he tries to get near you the bird pecks the Russian, and though it's not even 1/10th of Heavy's size, he's genuinely terrified and cannot get any closer to you than 3 meters.
Engineer
The bird dilberately poops on his sentries and dispensers, and everytime he tries to chase the thing away, he get's scolded by you.
Engineer has seen the bird smirk at him more than once, and is super pissed off.
Sniper
Oh you have a bird? Cool! He loves birds! And he knows all about them and how to care fo- WOT IN THA NAME OF
The bird will scream at Sniper, legit screaming at the top of his lungs at the bushman, and whenever you aren't home, the bird will mimic Spy's unclocking sound behind him just to fuck with his head.
Medic
He doesn't want that hideous winged freak anywhere near him or his precious winged babies.
Spy
The Frenchman is not amused at the amount of time that has been taken away from him.
Time that you should be spending doting on him, not that stupid frozen turkey!
You try to introduce him to your new cockatiel, to which he'll pretend to like, but he'll be watching that thing.
CBS
The bird watches him 24/7.
Seriously.
When he's in the shower, sleeping, driving, eating, taking a piss- there is no escape.
Christian starts looking desperately for an exocist.
