Don't be upsetti! Have some spagetti!
Don't be depresso! Have some espresso!
Don't be- okay I'll stop now
Scout
Jeremy will screencap memes that he finds on the internet and send them to you by the dozen, thinking of small 'pranks' of making you feel better, such as giving you a single leaf with a smiley face drawn on it, a box of cookies swapped with potato chips or other weird things that'll take your mind off of things.
He'll always know how to make you laugh!
Pyro
Oh no! Is his darling princess feeling down?? Don't worry! Doctor Pyro's on his way to fix that! He'll pick handfuls of fresh daises, a box of chocolates and a kitty cat on his way home!
In reality, he'll turn up with a street sign, pebbles in a can and a dead rat, but you get the message.
Soldier
What is upset? I mean, he knows what it is, but it's mindblowing for the all American soldier that you can get upset from other things than fighting!
He'll try to chase away the upsettness with a shovel, demanding it leave his woman alone. In time, he'll just grow confused that he can't physically turn it away. He'll turn quiet and silently sit next to you, not knowing what to do.
Demoman
The first thing he'll do is offer some scrumpy. Then he'll sit you down and have you talk it out, taking swigs of his booze as he casually nods, but in truth he'll be listening carefully.
Heavy
Mikhail once made the mistake of trying to correct or give advice to his sisters when they were ranting, so he know the full blown wrath of angry women who just needed someone to listen.
So thanks to this (horrifying) experience, he now knows better and just opens his arms, placing you on his lap as he listens to you, playing with your hair as you go on talking about your day.
Engineer
He'll know somethings up before you even say anything, and will carefully ask what's wrong.
He'll understand if you won't want to talk about it, and will calmly hug you until you feel like opening up to him, to which he will listen with care.
Sniper
What happened? Was it me? Oh gosh, I hope not! Sniper will go into a panic mode before he gets details, and won't know what to do; shadowing you whilst figdeting.
He'll be immensely relieved when he learns it wasn't him (whatever it is) but will soon grow worried.
What got you so upset? He'll cautiously try to get near you, hoping he won't make things worse with his awkwardness.
Medic
"Schatz? Vat's vrong?"
He'll be surprised to see you so sullen, and will keep asking until you open up.
True it's annoying, but it's just his way of showing he cares.
Spy
He won't say a word, chances are, he probably knows what's up already (cough-stalke-cough). The Frenchman is ready for anything, and will be right there for you.
He'll raise your chin up towards him, and his firm, but gentle eyes will already tell you that you have his full attention.
CBS
What? What? Whaaaaat?
What's gotten you all riled up? He's annoyed to see you so upset. He wants you to be happy but doesn't want to really comfort you; after all, emotional crap isn't really his department.
He'll try to be civil and ask what's wrong. The Aussie will listen grudgingly; but if you burst into tears he'll start to panic and will get extremely flustered, and will make an emergency call to gentle spy on 'how to comfort a woman 101'
