Convict

05.

I took a deep breath and stepped towards him, his eyes still fixed on the paper. I did the only thing I thought may bring him back. I wrapped my arms around the tops of his arms and laid my head on his chest, his heartbeat pounding I could almost feel it on my ear. I held him tight, we didn't speak and he stood there, I could feel his breathing slowing and his heartbeat calming as I held him in a tight embrace. After about five minutes his arms slowly moved and came together around the middle of my back, I felt him lower his head and rest it on top of mine.

I swallowed hard, this was the first time we had been together and not spat venom at one another. The silence was deafening as we continued to hold each other, his erratic breathing had calmed completely and his chest moved with a steady rhythm. I eased myself backwards his arms limp by his side as I released his grip on me, I looked at him. More tears brimmed in his eyes as he looked at me, He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes taking a deep breath as he did so.

"Thank you" He spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.

I was shocked, it was the first nice, genuine thing he had actually ever said to me. Words once again failed me, I blinked slowly and smiled at him "Do you mean that?"

He nodded sadly at me, his eyes returning to the paper on the bed. I picked it up and put it behind my back "Stop looking at it, stop for a minute before you get yourself worked up again"

"How can I?" His voice breaking with every word "How can I just forget about it? I have eight months left to live, what do I have to show for my life? A conviction for first degree murder that I didn't even commit"

I licked my bottom lip and sighed "I understand, but you can't get yourself so hysterical again. It's not good"

He shook his head and took his usual seat on the bed "y'know... I thought they were my mates"

I was confused at first before I realised that he was talking about the people he was with the night of the murder. I decided to sit next to him on the bed, keeping the letter out of his sight "What happened?"

He looked at the floor by his feet, his brow furrowed and I watched as a tear fell from the end of his nose. I looked at him, a vein pulsed on his neck behind the ink tattoos, I watched him as he wiped his nose on the back of his hand "You won't believe me"

I looked to my lap, he was evidently used to telling people his story and them not believing him. "I can't pretend that I will and I can't say that I won't. I'm not a judge and I'm not a jury. I am here to support you"

He forced a laugh "And that's the thing isn't it? Support me how?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands in my lap, picking at the loose skin around the nail. I didn't know how to answer him; I didn't know what was the right thing to say right now.

The silence in the room loomed over us both like a dark weight. I blinked a few times and looked up once again, Oliver was now leant forward with his elbows resting on the top of his thighs. His hands were pressed firm to his face, his fingertips white from pressure.

How could I support him? How could anyone bring any comfort to a man on death row?

I ran my hand over the top of my head before standing, quietly and slowly. I walked towards the bed where Oliver was sat, I could see now the shallow sobs that rolled through his body. His back shaking with every breath he took in, he looked so weak, so defenceless. I sat down beside him on the bed, slowly out stretching my arm to rest my hand on his still shaking back.

My hand came into contact with his body, he didn't flinch, jump or try and shrug me away. Instead he did something completely out of character, he laid his head on my lap. His silent sobs vibrating through me, my heart broke for him, I couldn't imagine how he was feeling. I put my arm around him and ran my other hand through his hair, it was so thick and soft, almost as if stroking a cloud. I could see clearly the natural waves and kinks in the dark brunette, I soothed him like a mother would soothe their son, comforting him.

"This is how" I whispered after what felt like an eternity of silence. "This is how I'll support you"

Oliver sat up, wiping under his bloodshot eyes and looked at me "Thank you, I-I know that I don't deserve this from you... I know that" He looked down at his feet, almost ashamed at how he has treated me

I waved my hand "Water under the bridge. I will always be here for you, I'm sorry." I don't know if 'Sorry' is the right word but it's the only word that came to mind.

Oliver nodded, not looking at me he sat at the back of his bed, his back rest against the wall, his head back and eyes closed. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, the muscles in his toned arms tense as he held his legs in place. I looked the tattoo's that covered both his arms. I couldn't make out any one particular picture, maybe that was the point?

We sat in silence a moment more before I took a deep breath and turned to face him "Do you want me to leave? I mean if you want some time on your own it's okay I can-"

Oliver cut me off " I don't want to be alone... Please stay?"

He said this like a question, as if he was asking if I wanted to stay with him. I nodded my head and shuffled next to him on the bed, my back against the wall. I turned my head and looked at him, his eyes still closed but still red and puffy from his sadness. I watched as his body moved in rhythm with his quiet breath, I looked at the tattoos on his neck up to the collar of the uniform. His dark brunette was scruffy from me running my hands through it, his pale skin and dark stubble lining his square jaw.

We sat in silence, it was a comfortable silence. I rest my head on the wall and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I did.

"Why do you want to leave this place so bad?" Oliver's voice broke the silence, it made me jump. I opened my eyes and saw him watching me, his eyes less bloodshot than they were previously.

I shrugged and sat forward "I guess it just holds too many memories"

He crossed his legs now on the bed, his eyes never leaving me as I looked at him "Of what?"

I looked at my lap, wondering if I should tell him or not. "My mom passed away, everything reminds me of her. Every season, every warm sunny day I'm reminded of her. She loved everything, she saw a beauty in everything"

Oliver didn't speak, he continued to watch me as I bit some loose skin on my dry lips. "My Dad has struggled since we lost her, it's like losing her he lost himself. Him and my Brother never get along, it's always arguments every day, always tension in our house. He never used to be so cold towards life, towards anything"

"Tell me about her?" Oliver asked, his voice quiet. He didn't want to overstep the boundary

I smiled and looked at him "She was the most amazing woman, she lived for her family, for my dad and me and my brother. Christmas was always her favourite holiday of the year, she always brought a certain magic to the house every Christmas. She saw the good in everyone, she never thought negatively of anyone. Every time the sun shone, summer or winter she wanted to be at the beach. She loved the peacefulness it brought to her"

I furrowed my brow and looked down at my hands again "The night we found out, it was like every bit of warmth and happiness was sucked from our family. She-She was murdered, just before Christmas... She never came home. We waited for her, she never came"

"I'm sorry" Oliver whispered, I looked at him. He had looked away, facing the wall opposite him "She sounds amazing"

I nodded "She was, sometimes I like to think I could be like her. See the good in everything... But-" I stopped myself. I was nothing like her, I had failed the past few weeks with Oliver, I had thought nothing but hatefulness towards him. I had seen nothing but the bad in him, I had never considered anything good of him

"You don't think good of me" he finished quietly

I looked at him, his head now hung low. I frowned, he was right, he knew he was right. I shuffled over the bed closer to him and took his hand in mine. He flinched slightly but didn't pull away "I can do better for you; I promise I will try"

He smiled and gave my hand a squeeze "I don't blame you, shoved in with someone like me. I haven't made things easy for you, I have probably made things so much harder for you"

I looked at him, he knew he had made things hard for me. He looked at me and smiled "I'm sorry too, I promise to be more reasonable from now on"

I smiled and we continued to sit their hand in hand. Was this it? Was all the hate behind us?