1752 [S.P.C]

1736: Past Battles

21 years earlier
Cecily O'Brien

5th January 1731

Today was a good day, I felt movement and it made my day. However, like in the fashion of my husband, he ruined it once again by attacking me as I didn't get out of bed in time to see him for breakfast.

Now my husband is away so I'm writing in my diary. To say I was heartbroken when I found out. How can a mother choose between her children? How can anyone tell someone you have to choose between your children?

As I said in my previous entry my husband only wants one child and Liam is that only child.

I fought him so hard to let me have this child, which turned out to be two. He didn't like the fact that we can't fuck for a long time, but I don't see the problem with that. He's never here and when he is here he's being abusive to me, he spends most of his time at the whore house or his warehouse in the city.

I haven't told Liam that I'm carrying twins he still thinks it's only one. Liam, he's so young he doesn't know what's going on and I can't force this on Liam.

Liam always wanted a little sibling, so did I. Liam, he wanted someone to play with or fight with, whatever it is that young boys do.

How can I tell Liam that this would break his heart if he knew? This is all so hard, and I honestly don't know what to do!

Diary Entry End

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24th January 1731

An unexpected twist happened today! My husband was back to his old self, he was kind, sweet and lovingly, he brought me flowers and another toy for Liam. However, this has happened before, so I take it as I can! I try to cherish these moments as I can.

For a while, I think he's changed his mind about the twins as he came up with names. He decided that we're having Evie and Jacob, this was personally my favourite and I'll be having this if the situation calls for it.

If they're two boys then we name them Jacob and Edus and, if the twins are two little girls then it's going to be Evie and Emme after our late mothers.

However, like I said this is a rare moment. I laid beside him that night and I'm not going to lie I loved the fact that he was back to being kind because I knew deep down I still loved the man he used to be.

I was wrapped in his arms, as he held me close. He spoke to me in a sweet and kind tone instead of being angry, he said. "My love, I promise that I'll never hurt you or Liam again." I placed my hand on his cheek and caressed it. "Cecily, I love you and it hurts me when I have to be violent with you." I leaned up and kissed his lips and he lifted us over, so he was on top.

That night for the first time in months we made love. It was amazing, I woke up the next day and he was back to his normal self. But last night, the way he touched me so carefully, his lips attacking my skin leaving love bites, I touched them as I looked at myself in the mirror, thinking how happy I was to marry him.

Diary Entry End

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25th of January 1731

When I married John we were poor, I'm not saying it's a living, but it was much better than the lives we live now.

I remember, how he used to wake up before me just so he could watch me sleep, or make me breakfast. I couldn't believe that I had struck gold, I thought I had it all.