Dead Love

Chapter Five: Judith

Three days have gone by and I'm growing father apart from everyone. The only time I talk to Mika is when I say goodnight to her before we sleep. Carol and Rick don't talk to me and don't get me started on Carl. Ever since the incident in the watch tower, he doesn't even dare to look at me. The only person that doesn't shut me out is Beth.

I hear Judith cry from her crib on the second floor of the cell room. I run up the stairs to her aid. I pick her up with a blanket wrapped around her. I hold her close and take her down stairs to the first room. Everyone is outside, preparing for any other attacks. I sit down at the table and pat Judith's back. She keeps on crying.

"You're hungry." I say to her.

I get up and walk over to our kitchen. I grab a baby bottle and pour water in it from a water bottle. I add formula and twist the cap back on. I shake it and put it in Judith's mouth. While she drinks, she looks at me. Her eyes are the same as Rick and Carls, blue. She reminds me of Mika. I got to hold her when I was four. I've always felt like Mika was my own daughter ever since that day. The feeling is coming back with Judith.

The door opens to the cell block and Carol walks in. She walks towards me, a smile on her face.

"She was hungry." She laughs.

"Yeah. Aren't you glad I was in here instead of out there?" I ask her.

"You bet." She says.

We stand in a silence for a minute until she breaks it.

"Do you want to come with me to take a shower in a little bit?" She asks.

"Sure. Who will take care of Judith?" I ask her.

"Just put her in her crib. She'll be fine." She says.

"Can we wait till they're done out there? I don't want anything to happen to her." Tell her.

"Okay." She says.

She turns and walks back out to the field. Judith is almost finished with her bottle so I go to Hershel's cell to try and find a little towel to burp her. There is a small, white towel with flowers on it. I can't really get it since I have my hands occupied; holding Judith and holding the baby bottle. I sit down on Hershel's bed and finish feeding Judith. When she is done, I set the bottle down on the bed and grab the white towel. I place it on my shoulder and hold Judith to where her face is against the towel and my hand is on her back and rear. I pat her back and wait for her to puke up the bubbles from the milk.

I lie her down on Hershel's bed and watch her as she fiddles with her hands. I need to make sure that she stays alive. She has to. For Lori. Even though I never met her, I have to do it for her. She will never get to see her baby grow, so I have to.

The door to the cell block opens but I can't see who it is. I hear their footsteps coming closer to me. Then, coming around the corner, I see Rick.

"What are you doing?" He asks me.

"I'm looking after Judith." I tell him.

"Who gave you permission?" He asks.

"You, when you told me to stay inside." I strike.

He looks at me then carries on with whatever he was going to do. I wrap Judith up in her blanket and carry her to the first room. I open the door and exit the cell block. I walk around and try to find Beth. I hear shouting and turn around to see everyone surrounding a group of black people. I walk over to them and see a woman and a man.

"Someone get Rick!" Glenn yells.

"Carl! Go get your dad!" Maggie commands. I try to find Carl in the group but only see a glimpse of him when he enters into the cell block.

"What are your names?" Daryl asks, pointing his crossbow to their heads.

"I'm Tyreese." The man says.

"I'm Sasha." The woman says.

"What do you want?" Daryl asks.

"We just need shelter. A place to stay. Food. Water." Tyreese says.

I go back to the cell block and pass Carl and Rick walking out. I go to Judith's crib and lie her down. I place another blanket over her and she falls asleep. I run down the stairs to get a pistol and head back outside.

"Come on." Rick says. He starts to walk towards me with Tyreese and Sasha. We all go back into the cell block and Rick gives them a cell to share.

A week passes and still, I'm growing farther and farther apart from everyone.

It's midday and I go down the stairs to see what we are having for lunch. Rick, Daryl, and Glenn are already eating.

"Where is Carl?" Rick asks.

"Right here." Carl says as he walks out from the cell block.

"I thought I told you to keep an eye on her." Rick tries to whisper.

"Okay." Carl answers. He turns to me and grabs my arm. He pulls me out of the cell block and into the field.

"What the hell?" I say.

"What?" He says and let's go of my arm.

"What, so now you're going to pretend everything is perfect between us?" I ask.

"You don't understand." He says.

"Understand what!" I ask.

"I'm mad!" He starts to cry. "Why was it her? I should've been dead! Not her. Did you know I had to shoot her? My own mom. She told me I would beat this world. I can't. Not with you here. You know you remind me so much of her. My dad doesn't get it. Judith isn't even his daughter. I am the only family she has! What if I'm gone? She won't know anything about where she came from, who she came from."

"Carl. Carl, come down." I tell him.

"No! I can't calm down!" He yells.

He runs his hands through his hair after he throws his hat to the floor. I place my hand on his shoulder and he looks to the floor.

"It's going to be fine. Just like you told me. I won't let you die." I say. He looks at me with tearful eyes.

"I think it's best if we stay away from each other." He says.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Just, stay away." He answers.
I back away and enter the cell block. I run to Judith's crib and find her asleep, cuddled up in her two blankets. I grab the edge of her crib and cry. I slide down to the ground and cry as I watch her sleep. I hear Rick yell at Carl while I try to listen to Judith's little snores.