Not So Normal

Chapter 54

   "What are you doing?" I ask, really confused.

   "I want you to cut my wrist for every cut you were about to put on your own," he says, his voice shaky. My heart sinks.

   "Niall, I couldn't do that to you!" I exclaim, horrified.

   "Well why not? You do it to yourself," he says.

   "I couldn't stand to see you hurt like that," I reply. Niall is silent as I realize what he's doing. If I couldn't stand seeing Niall hurt, it must be awful for him to see me hurting like this. I drop the blade and start sobbing.

   "I'm so sorry," I whisper, covering my crying face with my hands. Niall's strong arms wrap around me and pull me against him.

   "Everything will be okay," he whispers back.

   At group therapy the next morning I can barely stay awake. After my dream last night I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I got maybe an hour of sleep. I sat on my window seat and looked out over LA and the beach until the sun came up. I think Kyle notices my exhaustion, but he doesn't say anything to me, for which I am very grateful.

   At lunch I just pick at my food, not feeling in the mood to eat, same as what I did at breakfast. Strangely enough, I don't feel hungry, even though I haven't eaten anything since yesterday. After I've messed with my food for a few minutes, I throw it all away and then go sit back down at my table. As I stare out the window I wonder if Brandon still sits at this table when he eats. There's a part of me that thinks he does, but another part of me says he doesn't.

   When I walk into Melissa's office, the first thing I do is ask to call Niall. I haven't talked to him since the day Brandon kissed me, so I figure it's probably been long enough that Melissa will be okay with it. She hands me her phone without saying a word, and I dial Niall's number.

   "Hey princess," he answers on the second ring. He sounds so excited and happy to talk to me.

   "I'm so sorry, Niall," I say, not bothering to say hello.

   "Why are you sorry?" he asks, the excited tone of his voice wearing off.

   "I realize what I've been putting you through. I thought about our roles switching. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I knew you were hurting yourself. Then I realized that those feelings I was having are probably multiplied by hundreds to equal what you're feeling. I'm so sorry," I explain. Melissa looks at me, surprised, but gives me a smile.

   "I'm proud of you, princess," Niall says, relief obvious in his voice. We talk for a just few minutes, like every other call, and then we hang up and I give the phone back to Melissa. She looks at me curiously for a minute before saying anything.

   "I think you're ready to go home," she says. My mouth involuntarily drops open and my heart rate quickens for a minute. "You've made a huge step just now, and I believe that's what was holding back your progress. You've come a long way."

   "Thank you so much! When do I get to leave?" I ask excitedly. I cannot wait to get out of this place.

   "If we can arrange for someone to pick you up, you'll be okay to leave tomorrow morning," she tells me. Sweet!

   "Call Tyler. He'll be able to come get me," I say immediately. I want to get out of here as fast as possible. Melissa picks up her phone and has me dial Tyler's number for her. When he picks up, Melissa tells him that if he can pick me up in the morning I can come home. I hear him freak out and I can't help but laugh. They arrange for a time tomorrow to get me checked out and then hang up. Dang it. I wanted to talk to Tyler.

   Melissa and I talk for a while about what I need to keep doing after I leave here. She wants me to meet with a counselor once every couple weeks, which is fine with me. I'll just have to be careful though. I don't want the public to find out. She tells me all these things to do to boost my self esteem and stuff like that as well.

   When our session is over she tells me that she'll be there when I get signed out in the morning. She seems kind of sad that I'm leaving. Maybe she just likes me and is sad to see me go. But I'm excited as hell to get out of here. I've been stuck in here way too long. I lost track of the number of days I've been in here, but it's just been too long. I think it's been about a month, but I'm not positive.

   The rest of the day goes by in a blur, I'm too excited to leave to pay attention to anything that's going on around me. I say goodbye to everyone in my therapy group that I see during free time and at dinner, but I don't get to say goodbye to Brandon because I still haven't seen him. But whatever. If he really cared, he wouldn't be hiding from me.

   When it's time for bed I can't fall asleep. I'm all jittery and jumpy and ready for tomorrow. I've been cooped up for too long. I'll finally be able to go out and do stuff. I think I'm going to ask Tyler to take me to Taco Bell first thing tomorrow. I think I'll be eating out a lot the next couple weeks. I've been missing out on my favorite restaurants I usually go to.

   When I eventually get tired, I curl up under my covers and let myself drift to sleep.

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Update, yay! I'll start on the next chapter right now, but I have to leave in a bit, but I PROMISE it will be up tomorrow.

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