| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

T W E N T Y F Ø U R

Listen to the song, it adds a layer of emotion to this chapter :3 you may cry in this chapter if you're really emotional, especially with the song. Also huge, huge, huge trigger warning within this chapter. Be careful frens

                  Tyler's POV

I sat hunched against a tree, sobs shaking my body.
He hit me. Again.
I couldn't think straight anymore. My head was spinning with too much to handle, my heart was beating too fast to calm down.
I held my head in my hands and sobbed harder, wincing slightly as the tears rolled over the cuts on my wrist.
I'm so dumb. I thought, my sobs getting louder and louder. I should have just went with him. I should have just listened.
I couldn't stop thinking about all those times we were so happy together. The times we laughed, the times we didn't care about anyone else by each other.
My mind instantly went back to the first time we kissed.

I turned to look at Josh and it happened.
The second I turned to face him Josh leaned forward swiftly and kissed me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't dare move or breath. I was too scared to do anything.

Sure it was awkward. Sure it was scary as fuck, but it was magical. I denied it, of course. But it, it was good. I fell for him so hard after that... Now it was all gone.
I was sobbing hard at this point.  I couldn't stop thinking about all those good time with him. How it felt to be really loved, how everything felt with him was amazing.
Now...it was all just grey. I couldn't see in color anymore. Nothing seemed to be making me better. I wanted Josh.
I needed Josh.
He was all I had. Now I pushed him away and caused him to punch me.
Twice.
And it was all my fucking fault.
I yelled. I screamed. I couldn't stop myself from feeling like this. No one could deny that I ruined everything because I let the fucking voices take over and ruin what happiness I had left.
Josh was the only happiness I had left.
And now he was just... Gone.
"I can't take it!" I yelled, taking fistfuls of the ground in my hands and squeezing my hands as tightly as I could.
I couldn't stop crying. He was my drug. My painkillers. My cocaine, he was my addiction. I was an idiot. I tossed him away like he was a piece of insignificant trash. I was sobbing so hard now, clawing at my throat and clenching my teeth shut. It hurt. There was a pain spreading like fire up my entire body and I couldn't stop it from burning me alive.
I need to fix what I've broken. I thought, buring my head in my hands. I need to say I'm sorry. I need my drug back.
I opened my eyes quickly and dug my blade out of my pocket. I glanced at it for a moment before quickly slashing it across my wrist, not keeping track of how many times I did it. I really didn't care though. I rose shakily to my feet. I was going to find Josh. I was going to save him. I wasn't going to give up on him.
I walked around a few trees and grabbed my bag of stuff, checking to make sure it was all there.
My heart stopped.
The rope.
It was gone.
I ran a hand shakily through my hair. Josh. Josh. Fuck, this can't be happening.
I slung my bag quickly over my shoulder and followed the path of broken leaves, assuming that's the way Josh had taken.
If I didn't get there soon enough, he was going to kill himself.
I ran faster than I ever had before, a fire burning in every part of my body. A fire I could only describe as the worst kind of fear.
"Josh!" I yelled into the silent forest, my voice getting more frantic every second there was no response.
"Up here."
The hoarse response made me shoot my head up to a tree above me, my heart beginning to slow slightly.
"Josh." I whispered. He had the rope tied around his neck neatly, the same way I had it the first time I tried to hang myself.
"Why are you here?" Josh nearly whispered, tugging slightly on the worn rope.
"I'm here to say I'm sorry." I almost cried at him. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, I'm sorry for breaking you the way I did. I love you Josh. Please get down from there. Please, let's go home." I could hear the desperation in my voice.
"Tyler." He said softly. "Why didn't you tell me this before I already set my mind on it? Why didn't you at least try to listen?" Josh's voice was tinged with anger.
"I know- I should have said it." I said quickly. " I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I should have. I really should have. I'm sorry."
"You're always sorry, Tyler." Josh said weakly, his eyes twinkling with tears. "Sorry doesn't fix a broken heart."
My heart felt shattered. I knew I had shattered his heart too. "Josh."
"What Tyler?" Josh said softly.
"Please." I cried. "Don't do this. Please."
Josh looked down and closed his eyes. "Why..." He whispered. "Why should I listen to the person I betrayed? Why should I listen to the person I hurt so many times?"
"Josh, please." I cried at him, my knees beginning to go weak. "I need you."
"You don't need me." Josh said softly. "You want me."
"Yes." I said. "I want you."
"Well, Tyler, I'm sorry but you can't have me." Josh said simply.
"Please." I cried at him again. "Please Josh, please. Stay alive. Please."
"You're too late Tyler."
And with that, Josh slid off the branch with a grunt.
I screamed and fell to my knees, everything seeming to slow down as I watched him swing back and forth.
"Josh!"
I couldn't move. My head was spinning. It hurt. It fucking hurt.
The slow creak of the noose was the only other thing breaking the dead silence besides my heavy sobs.
Josh was dead. He was gone, he was fucking gone.
I couldn't think straight. I screamed over and over again, bringing my wrist that had his name on it up to my eyes.
Josh Dun.
I was screaming and clawing at it, my throat beginning to burn from the steady screams.
Josh Dun.
The name rang in my head. His voice sliced through my ears and everything seemed to be fading from view.
I didn't know what to do.
He was gone.
He was...Gone.
I stopped screaming. I looked up at his dead body one last time, a look of horror spreading over my face.
Everything went black.

---

YOU ALL HATE ME
IM SORRY
*hides in army bunker*