| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

E I G H T

Waking up on the forest floor was confusing to me at first.
Then I remembered.
The kiss.
The pain after it unfolded.
Why hadn't anyone came to help me? It had probably been hours since I had left. Yet no one cared enough to find me. Not even Josh, even after he kissed me.
I forced myself to sit up, everything starting to spin as I moved. I shut my eyes closed tightly, not moving until everything felt somewhat okay. It wasn't dark outside, but it was starting to get late from what I could see. I got to my feet shakily, looking around and trying to register where I was.
I was by the pond, just as I was before I passed out. I walked quickly through the forest, easily finding my way out of the somewhat maze of trees. I tripped over a root and fell onto the sidewalk right outside of the forest.
"Shit..." I cursed quietly, getting up and brushing myself off. I continued walking, unexpectedly finding myself at Josh's door.
I reluctantly knocked and within a few seconds, Josh opened the door. "Oh...uhm hi Tyler."
"H-hey." I stuttered, looking down.
"Uhm...about earlier and the uhm...k-kiss..." He stuttered, flushing a dark shade of red.
"Don't worry about it." I said simply, trying to make things somewhat less awkward.
"Oh...okay..." Josh scratched the back of his neck. "Want to come in? My parents left a while ago, we can just hang if you want. Maybe watch a movie or something."
I nodded. "Sure, that sounds good to me." I gave him a small smile.
He opened the door some more, letting me step inside.
"So, uhm we don't have many movies but we can watch a tv show or something." Josh said, sounding quite awkward and uneasy.
I found it funny how he got so uneasy around me. Did he like me that much? Or did he just feel bad for me? I didn't know. Maybe it's both, I didn't know.
"Doesn't matter to me." I said simply, taking a seat on his couch.
"Okay, I hope you don't mind watching 13 Reasons Why." Josh said, putting the show on.
"What is this, Netflix and Chill?" I joked, punching him lightly.
"Oh god no." He laughed. "Nothing against you, I just don't do that kind of thing."
"Sure, blue-boy." I chuckled and focused on the show.
Within about 30 minutes of the first episode, Josh was already cursing at the screen.
"Just fucking kiss her Clay!" He yelled, getting frustrated.
I laughed at him. "Calm down, it's just a tv show."
"I bet if he kissed her she wouldn't have committed suicide." He grumbled.
Ouch. Somewhere deep inside me, that word hit hard.
Suicide.
That word spelled out what I knew would be my end, what I knew would take me one day.
I shook my head out and focused on the episode.
After a while, I lost track of time. I felt my eyelids getting droopy by the time we got to episode six, but I didn't want to sleep.
"Tyler?" Josh shook me a bit. "I can stop the show if you're too tired. We can watch more tomorrow."
"No...Its fine." I grumbled, wiping my eyes sleepily.
Josh chuckled. "Yep, it's definitely time to get you to bed. We'll finish tomorrow."
"Fine." I whispered angrily. "But I can't stay here, I have to go home."
Josh shook his head. "No I insist. You'll be fine, I'll have my mom call your mom when she gets back."
I was almost too tired to nod, but I managed a small nod. "Okay..."
Josh smiled and walked away for a moment before coming back with a bright blue and fluffy blanket. I had already curled into a tight ball and I smiled slightly when he threw the blanket over my body.
"G'night." Josh whispered and walked off, probably heading to his room.
I sighed sleepily and rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket over my shoulders.
It was obvious that Josh cared about me a whole lot. Had he figured it out? Had he finally seen the broken side of me? No he hasn't. Yet anyways. If he had, he would've been long gone already. Not many stick around once they see the real side of me.
I started tearing up. "No, I won't fucking do this here or now." I cursed at myself. I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't fucking cry again.
I closed my eyes, a few stray tears leaking out of my eyes.
It still hurt. It hurt way too much. I remember all those times I tried to end it and get rid of all the pain. The time I tried to overdose, the time I tried to slit my wrists, the time I tried to hang myself, the time I tried to drown myself...
I tried everything and nothing worked. They say if you try and you don't succeed, then there is hope. But where is that hope? That saying is just a bunch of bullshit, like every anti-suicide saying. I shook my head out, trying to push everything out and fall asleep.
But sleep wouldn't take me.
My mind was much to active, racing with thoughts. My head was hurting once again too, becoming almost unbearable. I didn't want to fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep, not matter how hard I tried. I kept turning around in the couch, unable to get myself to drift off even slightly.
Finally, I have up and just laid there doing nothing. I sighed and stared up at the cold, white ceiling.

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I'm a little bit late I know don't be mad please ;n;
I actually just realized that I haven't been putting trigger warnings on the chapters, my bad. Anyway, thank you all again for reading and enjoying this story :) also if you guys want I can do a character Q&A. Like you address questions to characters. I dunno up to you guys. :)