| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

T W E N T Y T W Ø

                    Josh's POV

It quickly got dark around me. I didn't know where the fuck I was, but I didn't care.
I needed to get out of here. I needed to get out of this world, somehow someway.
I walked on weakly, my eyes straining against the darkness around me. I was walking along a deserted road with dark woods on each side. It was freezing cold and I was shivering, rubbing my hands together for any source of warmth.
I pulled my sweater over my hands and looked down, shaking my head as tears began to form in my eyes. "I'm never going to find Tyler. He's probably already dead."
I crumpled down into a ball on the side of the road in the dirt. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't ever think things would end up this way, I'd never thought I'd ever be suicidal.
There's a first for everything isn't there?
I cried weakly on the side of the road, staining the dark dirt below me. My fingers clawed at my face and I thrashed my legs about.
I'm going insane. I thought, my breathing getting heavy. I'm fucking going insane and I can't fucking stop it.
I screamed and clawed at my face. I couldn't deal with myself anymore. I was worthless. I was weak.
I rolled over and laid on my back, staring through the leaves and at the stars through them. "Everything is fucking grey!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face. "Everything has lost it purpose! It's pointless fighting!"
My limbs felt weak. My head pounded and I couldn't think straight.
I wanted nothing but to see Tyler one last time before...before something happened to one of us. Before I made a decision I couldn't reverse.
I sat up and buried my head in my hands, tears still slowly slipping down my face. I shook my head out after a few seconds and stood up, taking a few deep breaths and continued to walk farther in the same direction.
I shivered endlessly and yanked my hoodie over my head, straining my eyes so I could see in the darkness. A sense of tired filled my bones and they began to ache. My head felt like it was going to burst.
I didn't care. I just wanted to find Tyler and get him back. I just wanted him, I just wanted my will to live back. I didn't know if I'd ever get that back.
I walked on till my legs began to shake. I knew I needed food, I knew I needed rest but I refused to give it to myself. I didn't deserve it.
My eyelids grew heavy and everything fell on its side as I fell into the cold, black road.

---

The cold morning light hit my eyes and I blinked them open, the chirping of birds filling my ears.
My body felt oddly cold and I was stiff. Probably the result of sleeping on that road all fucking night. I weakly forced myself to get to my feet, grunting and closing my eyes shut tightly at the steady burn of my cold limbs. The sun barely peaked over the top of the trees and I stared at it, squinting my eyes at the bright morning sun.
I looked into the trees, my heart stopping at the sight. The beautiful brunette stood at the foot of the trees, a noose tied neatly around his neck.
"Tyler!" I screamed, scrambling forward in his direction. "Tyler! Tyler, baby, please!"
I jumped out for him and closed my arms around him but my arms grabbed nothing but air.
"Tyler?" I cried out, looking around desperately.
It was an illusion. I thought, resting my head on the hard forest floor. He said wasn't really there.
I shook my head out and got back to my feet, pulling my sweater back over my hands and wrists. I decided to travel deeper into the forest, deciding that Tyler had to have taken camp inside the cool forest.
"Josh?"
I turned around quickly. "T-Tyler!"
I ran towards and attempted to hug him, but he flinched away. "What are you doing here?"
"I was trying to find you." I answered quickly, reaching for his hand. Of course, he quickly snatched it away.
"Why?" He questioned. "You don't care about me. You never cared."
"Tyler!" I cried out, feeling pain swamp over me. "I do care baby-"
"Don't fucking lie to me!" He snapped and backed himself into a tree. "You don't fucking care!"
"Tyler I do-"
He interrupted me again. "All you do is lie." Tyler's breathing was beginning to get heavy. "You lied about loving me. You lied about caring. You lied about everything!"
"Ty-"
I couldn't get another word out because he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a razor blade. "God it's been a long time since I've used one of these."
"Tyler! No don't!" I yelled, inching closer to him.
"Why shouldn't I?" He lined it up with his wrist. "No one cares." One cut. "I'm worthless." Two cuts. "I'm unlovable." Three cuts.
I watched on in horror and fell to my knees as Tyler began to name things off, cutting his wrist more with every statement he said.
"T-Tyler.." I cried, looking up at him tears glazing my vision.
"What?" Tyler snapped. "Gonna say you love me? We'll I'm sorry to say it, but you can't love me back into happiness."
I pushed myself to my feet, not daring to say a single word.
I was such a coward.
I ran away from him.

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Late night update because I can't sleep |-/