| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

E L E V E N

Time skip: Two days

The doctors decided to keep me in the hospital for two days, not overnight as they had said before.
I really didn't mind.
My mom and Maddi hadn't came to see me since the night I was admitted into the hospital. Josh stayed with me the entire time, not even daring to leave to take a shower or even eat.
I woke up early in the morning to Josh's snoring. I glanced over at his peaceful sleeping form.
I was still falling for him, falling harder and harder every day. I was breaking my promise to myself but at this point I didn't care. I was scared of course, scared that he may get ripped from my hands. I disregard those thoughts for now.
"Josh..." I whispered to him.
Josh eyes fluttered opened. "Hmm...?"
"Get up. Its like noon." I said softly, not to loudly.
He grunted and opened his eyes. "Why are you up? You should be getting rest."
I laughed gently. "Your snoring woke me up."
Josh blushed. "Oh I'm sorry." He laughed nervously. "When are we allowed to leave?"
"A few hours more, then we can get out of here." I said simply, sitting up.
Josh nodded and leaned back in his chair. "I honestly miss home."
I sighed. "My mom is going to ask me so many questions when I get back."
"Tell her the truth.". Josh said bluntly. "Better the truth than millions of lies pulled upon your back."
I sighed and rubbed my temples gently, small sparks of pain rushing through my head. "I'm scared to." I closed my eyes. "You see...my mom will get really pist if she figures out I'm in love with a guy not a girl."
"Well are you even gay in the first place?" Josh questioned.
"Yes I am." I said simply.
"Have you came out yet?" He asked, probably already knowing the answer.
"Fuck no. Living in a Christian household, it's kinda hard to come out all of a sudden." I said, my voice shaking lightly with fear.
Josh nodded and sighed. "You'll have to tell her soon or later. Better now than never."
I looked down, picking at lose threads on my shirt. "I don't want to."
Josh sighed impatiently. "You have to tell her Tyler."
I closed my eyes. "Maybe it's best if we aren't together right now." I said bleakly, fearing the response. Would he hate me? Would he force me to be with him? Would he force me to come out to my mom?
Hurt spread across Josh's face like fire. "W-what do you mean?"
"I just don't think it's the right time for us to be in a relationship together." I said bleakly, a feeling of pain flowing over me.
I didn't want to let him go. Part of me wanted to tell him that I wasn't letting him go, but part of me knew he was getting too close and I had to stop him before he got hurt.
"Oh..." Josh nearly whispered, tears showing in the corner of his eyes. "I...I understand. I get it."
"I'm sorry." I whispered, closing my eyes once again.
"Don't be sorry, Ty." Josh said, wiping his eyes. "I totally understand. I get why you said that."
I nodded and adjusted myself in the hospital bed. I could feel the ache of my heart throughout my whole body.
What have I done to myself....I thought bleakly, feeling the lump in my throat start to grow. What have I done to Josh?
Josh got up and sat on the edge of my bed, running a hand through his blue hair. "You ready to leave?"
"Yeah, I want to get out of here so bad." I said simply, my voice wavering with every word I spoke.
"Okay, I'll let the doctors know we are ready to leave." Josh said, standing up and leaving the room.
"What have I done?" I whispered to myself. "I've ruined my last fucking chance at happiness."
I closed my eyes tightly again. The lump in my throat was killing me now, my eyes burnt with tears. My hands were shaking, as a result of none other than a panic attack. My breathing began to speed up and as did my heart rate, according to the heart monitor thing I was hooked up to. Things started to go blurry and my head started hurting.
"Calm down!" I yelled, grabbing fistfulls of my own hair yanking at it relentlessly. "Stop it!"
I fell back onto the bed, the tears finding their way out of my eyes. I sobbed like a child as Josh walked into the room with the doctor. I rushed to hide my tears as the doctors started to unhook me from the various machines I was attached to.
Josh noticed me wiping away my tears. "Ty, buddy, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I said, giving him a small, and of course fake, smile.
Josh frowned. "Okay, well if anything is wrong you tell me okay?"
I nodded and watched as the doctor took my heartbeat monitor thing off my finger. "Okay, you're good to go." The doctor gave me a small smile.
I got weakly to my feet and followed Josh out of the room and out of the hospital.
"Do you need a ride home?" Josh asked, looking over at me.
I shook my head. "No. I'll have my mom come pick me up. Thanks though."
Josh nodded and started to walk off, leaving me alone in the cool weather.
Mom I need a ride home from the hospital.
I tested my mom, waiting only a few minutes before she replied.
Find your own way home.
My heart dropped. My foster mom, just like everyone else had done, had pushed me aside. My heart felt so cold at this moment and I was crying, again.
Mom doesn't care anymore. Was all I could think of. I closed my eyes, another panic attack swamping my body.

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Look at how hilarious my phone is.

Autocorrecting buddy to daddy. How nice 😂
Welp I don't have much to say other than that.
Stay strong, stay street and most importantly, stay alive!