Under Control (Ticci Toby X Reader)

Chapter Thirty-Three

(Forgive for any errors, I didn't read over this. And wow, thank you all for 3K reads!)

The rain had calmed, however the dark hanging clouds sprang with constant lightning and rolling thunder. The storm looked like it was to go one forever. I haven't seen a thunder storm in awhile and quite frankly, I enjoyed its presence. Even if the humidity was almost unbearable.

        "How long does these woods go?" I asked holding my hands in the hoodie's pockets.

        Toby shrugged, "I h-haven't got the slightest c-clue."

        It was at most ten minutes since that little moment where he said he'd needed me. I can't get over the overwhelming feeling, it gave me such a cherry and fulfilling filling. A part of feelings I've been missing out for so long. As every walk we pretty much had usually ended awkward or with something going wrong, this was not one of those cases. It was a comfortable walk, a little chit-chat here and there, and thoughts dashed marathons and reviewed and changed and repeat through my young mind. It was a little chittery feeling that made me smile uncontrollably.

        It made me think he shared the same common feelings I had for him. The guy who got me to kill someone, killed me father, and this is what was becoming of me. Then again, I can't forget that one guy who I voluntarily killed. Sometimes, my mind and feelings will deceive my justice and pride. Yet, who am I kidding? I want him. I feel safe around him. He saved me once, I owe him for that. 

        As we walked, I skidded in puddles making my shoes and jeans wet. It really didn't matter to me; the way I see it, we were still going to be drenched in rain water, even if we were walking under thick trees as a shelter from the weather. "If you don't mind me asking," I began as I shredded a large, green leaf in small pieces. "What did you do after everything? After you awoke?" Toby told me what he claimed had happened, not too much about his childhood, just what provoked him into this mess. That thing had so much to do with it, from what I heard.

        "Do you think we're under controlled?" I asked quite quietly.

        Toby glanced at me, he seemed unsure, "S-Sometimes, yes."

        "Like how?"

        He frowned and was quiet for a bit, "S-Sometimes... I do things I-I don't want to do."

        I narrowed my eyes at him, "Like what?"

        "S-Sometimes I want to h-hide, y'know? I want t-to do nothing... And it's like I'm forced t-to get up and carry o-out with this... This... This idiocracy!" he twitched in a jerk-like motion with his shoulder to his neck. As I took in what he said and realized it was greatly relatable. Just thinking as depressing as that is made me have a craving for liquor, something with liquor. I hadn't gone this long without some type of alcohol. Huh. That's quite an achievement.

        I guess it would be all that's been going on. Now that I think about it, I had nothing going on during that time. Always bored and always savoring drinks. 

        "I killed Amy," I announced in such a monotone way that it made me sick. He glanced at me with a questioning look. "I think... it controlled me. Controlled me to take the life of my friend."

        "I guess t-this is conf-fession time? Eh?" He chuckled. Somehow I felt sickened by him chuckling after what had I said, but I merely brushed it away. "B-Back at the building w-when you came I-in and there I-I was, heh, I was crying," he said staring at his pale hands. "I don't cry.... I haven't cried in- well- like forever?" Toby said, unsure before he stopped in his tracks then raised his head, and met eyes contact with me. "I thought you were dead." There was no tics, no twitches, no voice cracks, just his straight voice. "I thought you were dead. I know it took you. When it takes people- they're goners. Why didn't it kill you?" he sighed and said under his breath, "Not that I want you dead, d-definitely not that."

        "It's like I-it won't kill you!" He breathed out, "Agh, fuck it."

        I honestly didn't know what the hell to say, so I just stood in silence. So, basically, he was crying because he thought I was a goner? Why did it not kill me? All it did was make me... Kill.

        Deciding what next to do, I walked up to Toby and looked up at him. He seemed to be on the edge of crying. I, for one, did not enjoy seeing people cry and so I did a thing that seemed natural.

        Toby stiffened up as I wrapped my arms around him and said, "Calm down, Toby. Calm the fuck down. Hey, I'm not dead, so we got that. We should just get away from this place. Get away from the woods, away from where it can be," as I spoke, I felt Toby relax a bit. "And you can have a life, a life where you can be at peace."

        He chuckled slyly, "Yeah, then w-where's that?"

        "Somewhere. There is somewhere," I said, hoping to reassure him. As I felt that this was just getting awkward, he hugged back. My heart leaped pace after pace in a delight, high manner. I felt a smirk twitch as we both just embraced one another. It was such a high feeling, like cloud 9. I closed my eyes and smiled, I haven't felt a real connection with anyone in two or so years. However, I have now and I cherished this delight. This joy perhaps vanquished my savoring for liquor and replaced it with a stronger craving.

        The hug broke, leaving me feeling a breeze and empty. Toby, clear to have a small smile, which overall made me smile even more. He made me happy. Toby's hands fidgeted as he tried his best not look right at me.  "Heh," I tried to overcome the bliss feeling by thinking of matter's at first hand. "We should be going." He nodded in agreement. "Umm, got any ideas? Like, for where to go?"

        He shook his head, "Not r-really."

        "Hmm, I think I have one in mind."

(Oh, I love writing these!! BTW, school's out so I will be able to write more!)